Carpool Melodrama

ledhedsymbols · 09-02-2014, 04:52 PM

Well THAT was interesting!

Picked up the other two guys in my carpool this afternoon on my way to work. I have only been with these guys for a few weeks since I transferred to a different plant location for the same company.

I'm currently driving a 2001 Honda Passport for the carpool, and it is far from perfect. It developed an exhaust leak, and it's a bit loud. It's on my list of things to take care of, but after moving and several other things going on in my life I just haven't gotten to it yet. I'm hoping to take care of it this week.

After they got in the car, the front seat passenger started laying into me about my exhaust leak. Going on about how it's inconsiderate and how "they" provide a quiet car and so on. He's literally raising his voice to me, a 60 year old man talking to a 35 year old man.

I asked him one time... "You're kidding right?" He replied that he was NOT! I didn't say anything else to him for the rest of the commute in. After we got to work I made a couple of phone calls and will be carpooling with another single person in a couple of weeks.

I went to talk to "Ron" the 60 year old guy, and let him know that I would finish out my week to drive, but after that I was finished. I let him know that he was welcome to ride back this evening, but if he spoke to me again like that I would stop at the first exit available to let him out. Our company has a policy where a registered carpool will get you a couple free cabs home a year in case of emergency. I let him know he was welcome to take a free taxi home if he didn't want to drive in my car by my rules. He didn't care too much for that, and started telling me (and everyone else in the room) how I was the rudest SOB he had ever met and that HE was done with ME. This should make for an interesting ride home.

So how about the mighty Pelican braintrust? Got any good carpool "War Stories" to share?

widebody911 · widebody911's Garage

Wow, nothing like that. All I've had were a couple of girls whom I carpooled with that offered alternative transportation once we reached our destination.

ledhedsymbols · 09-02-2014, 05:16 PM

Maybe write a tellanovella about this. How do you say "As the wheel turns" in Spanish?

mreid · 09-02-2014, 05:33 PM

I think you should have chuckled and said, "yes, it's on my list to have fixed this week as I'm still catching up from my move." Your best strategy in life is to defuse and move on. It's hard to have a response to that without looking like a real tool.

TimT · 09-02-2014, 05:47 PM

This is why in my 35 year career I have never carpooled...

I would have told him as soon as be started being a whiner...

That he would have to find his own way home...

Or, you don't like my car find another way to get to work..

Really... is it the situation that hard to deal with?

GTFO and find your own way home...

Yea I can be a prick...

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by widebody911

a couple of girls whom I carpooled with that offered alternative transportation...

Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

masraum · 09-02-2014, 05:56 PM

Sounds like a pecker, but as mreid said, there may have been a way to defuse, or maybe he's just a pecker.

MRM · 09-02-2014, 05:57 PM

As a veteran of many corporate political battles and considerably older than you, I agree with Mr. Reid's post above. You're in a new position in a new plant where your reputation is just being formed. The reputation you develop here will follow you for the rest of your career. This is the reputation that is being spread throughout the plant right now whether you want it too or not.

Old engineers are curmudgeons and even their management doesn't like to be around them and they tell stories of their eccentricities to their manager friends. But old engineers are one of the most valued commodity in manufacturing facilities and you get on the wrong side of the fraternity at your peril. One of the most prized reputations is the reputation for having good judgment. You may be judged as having brilliant technical skills but your judgment will be questioned if you can't defuse the mild ravings of an over-the-hill almost retired engineer who has nothing better to do than complain to the youngsters about how they're not respecting their compatriots.

Remember that you're the new guy. Bite your lip if you have to but learn how to get along without picking fights with old-timers. You will not win in the long term and you have a long career ahead of you.

john70t · 09-02-2014, 06:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by widebody911

a couple of girls whom I carpooled with that offered alternative transportation once we reached our destination.

(cue the beaded maracas and wa-wa peddle)

ledhedsymbols · 09-02-2014, 06:08 PM

I appreciate the sentiments echoed by some of you about diffusing the situation, but the fact of the matter is that I have no interest in carpooling with someone like that. I know quite a few people from other facilities, and while I understand and appreciate the advice I also have to say that I am not interested in being known as someone who will lie down when scolded like a dog.

I don't think he's going to learn any new tricks at his age, and I'd just as soon not be around him. I feel like I handled it as professionally as I could have.

Once again, don't mistake my heartfelt appreciation for the input of this board. I do value the experience and good judgement here.

john70t · 06:46 PM

'Ron' will be gone and retired in a few years, but the people 'on his team' will remain, and remember.
You're going to be working with many of them.
Regardless, most will take the side of the defenseless old man on his last legs who's survived it all against some fresh new young buck.

Pecking orders/hazing are not always rational, but they are how some groups of men get to understand and trust each other.
It's a test.
In some situations, such as Military or Japanese business, it can be extreme, but the benefits of being part of the group are long lasting and will carry you through the hard times.

Try to patch things up fast and hard. Now.
It's your character that will take you on to the next levels, not your skills.

(edit: realized I just retyped everything MRM said above)

ledhedsymbols · 09-02-2014, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by john70t

'Ron' will be gone and retired in a few years, but the people 'on his team' will remain, and remember.
You're going to be working with many of them.
Regardless, most will take the side of the defenseless old man on his last legs who's survived it all against some fresh new young buck.

Pecking orders/hazing are not always rational, but they are how some groups of men get to understand and trust each other.
It's a test.
In some situations, such as Military or Japanese business, it can be extreme, but the benefits of being part of the group are long lasting and will carry you through the hard times.

Try to patch things up fast and hard. Now.
It's your character that will take you on to the next levels, not your skills.

Yeah... That's not going to happen unless I get a sincere apology from him. This is a big company, and he hasn't been here all that long either. There is some risk of what you say happening, but I'm prepared to deal with that and I don't think it is likely. He's not some sage old engineer, he's a millwright and I had to wake him up to tell him that I wasn't riding with him anymore.

HardDrive · 09-02-2014, 06:38 PM

F him. He's rude.

aap1966 · aap1966's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by ledhedsymbols

.................He didn't care too much for that, and started telling me and everyone else in the room how I was the rudest SOB he had ever met and that HE was done with ME.

Don't sweat it....you've won.

If he's this much of a buffoon to you, he inevitably is to the others as well. By being on the receiving end of one of his sprays, you're now "one of them' (ie, a regular guy) in the eyes of the others that have to work with him. It's the old "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" idea. Trust me, if you were getting on great with this guy, that's when the others would be wondering about you.

VaSteve · 09-02-2014, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by john70t

'

Try to patch things up fast and hard. Now.
It's your character that will take you on to the next levels, not your skills.

Bull****. **** that guy. Seriously.
If it went down as you said, he's a friggen ass. Not like you spilled coffee on him or made him sit in a pile of dog hair in a nice suit.

The way I'm reading this, it was the first time this has come up and maybe your first time driving for this group? This was your personal car on a personal car pool and not a company funded trip?

This whiney ***** couldn't put up with the issue for a short commute to work. In a plant? Aren't they noisy? Jeez.

Baz · Baz's Garage

Tough situation - your ego was bruised. That's what was at play.

Good luck....stay cool.

id911T · 09-02-2014, 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HardDrive

F him. He's rude.

This.

john70t · 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VaSteve

Bull****. **** that guy. Seriously.
--
This whiney ***** couldn't put up with the issue for a short commute to work. In a plant? Aren't they noisy? Jeez.

Old Don was being ornery and crotchety, not rational. Maybe there was a reason.

What if the conversation went like this:
Don- your car sucks. i hate it. it sucks.
LED- sorry can't help it. i'm getting it fixed asap.
LED- you seem upset. what the f's wrong.
Don- wife's got cancer, dog died, they're taking the house (sobbing).
LED- sorry to hear that
Passengers- geez, that LED is a nice guy. we like him.

All i'm saying is there might have been an opportunity to make friends, not enemies.

ledhedsymbols · 09-02-2014, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baz

Tough situation - your ego was bruised. That's what was at play.

Good luck....stay cool.

I disagree about that comment. I understand your point, but the day that someone else tells me what I am going to do and when is the day that I hand in my grown-up card and just roll over for anyone and everyone.

I've been around here for quite a while. I don't start dooky, and I don't respond to dooky. I'm just like that in my personal life. I'm the nicest guy you'll ever meet, but if you treat me poorly, I won't call you names or get loud and argue with you, but you're dead to me. I have no use for people who think that treating others like I was treated today is OK.

I was hoping for some other good stories.... Thanks for everyone's input though, it's been interesting to read some of the comments.

ledhedsymbols · 09-02-2014, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by john70t

Old Don was being ornery and crotchety, not rational. Maybe there was a reason.

What if the conversation went like this:
Don- your car sucks. i hate it. it sucks.
LED- sorry can't help it. i'm getting it fixed asap.
LED- you seem upset. what the f's wrong.
Don- wife's got cancer, dog died, they're taking the house (sobbing).
LED- sorry to hear that
Passengers- geez, that LED is a nice guy. we like him.

All i'm saying is there might have been an opportunity to make friends, not enemies.

Conversation didn't go like that. That would have been a reasonable adult conversation. Which is not what happened today.

Ron just got back from a ten day vacation.

LED: Hi Ron how was your vacation?

Ron: I can't believe that you haven't gotten this expletive fixed yet. (Voice gets louder) We provide a quiet car for YOU to ride in, it doesn't cost that much to just take it in a have it fixed. (Voice gets louder) Thomas is just too nice to say anything about it to you. I don't understand why you even bother turning the radio on, between that and the exhaust you can't hear a thing anyway.

LED: You're kidding right?

Ron: No I'm not kidding, it's inconsiderate. I can't believe how inconsiderate you are.

End Conversation

I've paraphrased, and I'm sure I didn't get everything in there that he said but that is a basically true accounting of the conversation. Sorry, he doesn't get a second chance, and I'm sure as hell not kowtowing to him.