Slip some ipecac syrup in your pocket (available at drugstores). Couple of swigs and in just minutes, you have what appears to be an abrupt onset significant bout of food poisoning. Flee the party, they'll hold the door open for you as you bolt away. You'll be fine in about 15 minutes.

None will be the wiser.

;)angela

i used to get accused of not listening. then, i asked my wife to tell me the specs on the computer she uses every day here at home and which i have told her about, as i have pieced it together over the years. then, i explained that we simply value different types of information and that is not just okay, it is good.

i will say this, my wife has the clearest communication of any woman i have met. there are some that communicate as clearly, but i haven't met one that is more clear.

Yes. I have a female business partner and 14 female employees. You should see our staff meetings.

-Sent from my Galaxy s5 using Tapatalk

My wife will sumultaneously discuss multiple topics in the same conversation and be surprised when I fail to realise the topic has changed when it's clear to her that's she's moved on to the next topic.

No ipeacac needed- I just leave- go back to my garage, screw with car. I hate those things.

"Call me when you are ready to go home"

Same with chick holidays - like "Sex and the City" movie premiere night- I left the state to a Rush concert to escape my sentence.

That didn't go over too well, either. Oh well. Better to be yelled at than to beg for permission.

rjp

Oh God- group cry sessions and unexplained group emotional days. Sorry.

In the mortgage biz I knew a guy who use to preposition future Loan Officers by claiming he had ZERO female support staff-

that was his guarantee of a drama-free environment.

rjp

Bwahahaha, you too? I'm a real bastard while I sleep!

Women don't so much talk to each other, as talk past each other. Probably why they tend to squabble a lot, neither hear about 90% of what the other says. As an engineer I'm short and concise with communications, it drives my wife nuts when she asks about my day, or to describe a conversation with someone. Cliff's notes baby, I'm all about Cliff's notes.

Funny topic. I always tell my girl she would drive any lawyer crazy with her answers. She has to tell a story for even the simplest kind of answers.

"What time did you leave work today?"

"Well, Linda came in with a question about....., then that reminded me of...., the traffic was...., Oh and then my boss had the nerve to say...".

Five minutes later- "So what time did you get out of work?"

I saw this vid a few days ago. Not sure if its been posted.

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/-4EDhdAHrOg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I probably stole this from another thread on here, but always thought it was funny...

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1417878550.jpg

Does planning a ride to the airport to catch a flight require calling no less than 3 girlfriends in panic?

One of my ex's thought so- my response was to hail a taxi

her- "BUT GRACE COULD'VE TAKEN US!, IF NOT THEN CASSIE!"

Me: "I'm paying so I don't have to listen to Grace"

rjp

randy, that is pretty damn funny. LOL!

me, at a family party, "i'm leaving. thanks for the great evening."

my mother, "well, sue up the street....."

me, "mom, i have no idea who you are talking about. good bye. why are you following me to my car?"

my mother, "and jackie, she was....."

me, "i don't know jackie, either. mom, please step away from the car a bit so i don't run over your feet."

my mother, "and poor dan, you know dan, he....."

me, "mom, i don't know dan from adam. watch your feet."

and i am NOT exaggerating.

My wife insists on telling me stories about people from her hometown that I maybe met 10 years ago. I have no idea who they are, and furthermore don't really care.

Girlfriend ordered pizza tonight, and asked if she could get a 2litre of Coke with it. I said sure, since I'm paying. She orders Coke.

I go to pick up the pizza, they have no Coke.
I call her, and tell her they have no Coke and ask if she wants Pespi or Mug Rootbeer.

She says RootBeer.

I collect, and turn around to leave. Counter person asks if I'm goign to get my Dr. Pepper.

Dr. Pepper? What?:confused:

So I get both.

I return home and say Dr Pepper? What? You didn't say anything about Dr. Pepper. I told you there was no Coke. Coke is not Dr. Pepper.

She says she though I was saying that they had no Dr. Pepper, when I called her to say there was no COKE.

She clearly aknowledges that I said the word "COKE."


:confused::confused::confused::confused::confused: :confused::confused::confused::confused:

Jeez - I can't stand this! My wife does the same thing.

I dare you to tell her that when you start to feel your eyes glaze over.

(But I know you won't. You wrote some pretty wonderful things about your wife on another thread once.)

Ha! Ha! Ha!....Just this morning, here's the story.
Last night we go out, small group, dinner and a Beatles tribute band at the casino. I had a long week so at about 11:30 I excuse myself and the rest of the group including my G/F carry on to a local music venue.
This morning, just chatting about her evening she starts talking.."I saw Christine last night on the dance floor......10 mins later she wraps it up and I ask.... Christine who? (she knows 3 Christines for Petes sake) "OH MY GOD BABE!!!!! YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ANYTHING I SAY!!!!! Christine "Lastname" who else would it be????
Not once in the conversation did she mention her last name.....I'm just supposed to guess!!! LOL I love her but sometimes communication breakdown occurs!!!

Men and women.... permanently separated by a common language...

She puts up with me, we'll call it even.;)

I had terrible nicknames for all my ex's GF's - and the especially annoying ones had their own skits I used to do now and then. I'd make her refer to them by their nicknames if she wanted me to listen.

It's all good- I'm accused of having degenerates, trailer trash and arseholes for friends- one ex's mother called "all my friends peculiar".

It's my blue-collar background.

rjp

In addition to all of the above I've often suspected that womens words are shaped differently than mens ears.