From our questionable thinking files...

[wdfifteen]

One of my vice presidents is working a long time project in a city 500 miles away. Three weeks ago he hired a full-time sales associate - 30 years old, supposed to be a great seller. We sent the VP, this woman, and another associate to a 3-day industry seminar/meet and greet event. Basically classes all day and networking parties in the evenings. The new woman skipped half the classes and spent the last night of the event in the room of one of our competitors.

Needless to say she was promptly fired. It takes a special person to f-up this spectacularly the third week on the job.

I had a stamped concrete patio poured 5 years ago and it started cracking in the first year plus the stamping sucked - the mix was too soft at one end, which left depressions in the concrete, and too hard at the other end so the stamp was too shallow. I hired a guy to replace it and he started jacking the old slab out. It's 8" thick and he poured right into holes in the blocks for the block wall the slab sits on. No one knows why he used twice as much concrete as he needed. The redo is going to cost me extra for the time it takes to break this slab up.

[Tobra]

What does the first part of your post have to do with the second part? I am missing the connection

[widebody911]

If a train leaves Denver heading west @ 150kph, and another train leaves Melbourne heading east @ 200KPH, what is the mercury content of a 5g piece of sushi in Dakar?

[HardDrive]

I had a home in Seattle with an old concrete sidewalk out front. The house was on a very steep hillside, and there had clearly been some settling over the years. We decided to redo the entire area, so I went after the sidewalk with a jackhammer.

As I started off, everything was fine, and I was peeling away the 4 inch thick sidewalk like nothing. But the farther along I went, the thicker it got. It turns out, the sidewalk had settled a lot in the past 50 years, I mean big time, and instead of taking out the sidewalk and fixing the settlement issues with the hillside, they previous owners had simply kept pouring more and more concrete on top to level it off! The last 8 ft of the sidewalk was 16 inches thick. No, I'm not exaggerating.

[romad]

wife was thinking about retiring, but wait what the f....... she still had vacation to burn so who i'm I to say..just assume what anyone else would do
oh well.... you know what they say?

then the dam timing belt broke...really I was going about 100mph and bang engine just stops cold. I wonder whats for dinner?

[stomachmonkey]

Originally Posted by HardDrive

I had a home in Seattle with an old concrete sidewalk out front. The house was on a very steep hillside, and there had clearly been some settling over the years. We decided to redo the entire area, so I went after the sidewalk with a jackhammer.

As I started off, everything was fine, and I was peeling away the 4 inch thick sidewalk like nothing. But the farther along I went, the thicker it got. It turns out, the sidewalk had settled a lot in the past 50 years, I mean big time, and instead of taking out the sidewalk and fixing the settlement issues with the hillside, they previous owners had simply kept pouring more and more concrete on top to level it off! The last 8 ft of the sidewalk was 16 inches thick. No, I'm not exaggerating.

Clearly you screwed up by starting at the wrong end.

[FPB111]

New story telling like the new math?

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by FPB111

New story telling like the new math?

No, just a couple of examples of particularly bad thinking that I've encountered this week - and it's only Tuesday.

[rusnak]

I thought the jackhammer story was the ending to the hotel story?

[Norm K]

Originally Posted by Tobra

What does the first part of your post have to do with the second part?

Huh, I thought it was the other way around.

[Hawkeye's-911T]

I've got a jolly jumbuck in my Tuckersack

Waitin' till your billy boiled

Thread hi-jack - Sorry - Couldn't help myself!!

Cheers
JB

[oldE]

About 20 years ago, our company changed their load sheets from expensive preprinted forms (three of them) to a long sheet upon which only those products ordered would appear. Should be simple, right?

Wrong.

Because the guys working in the fridges using the load sheets had been used to the location clues which were now lost,(for example, 2 liter 2% milk was always in the same location on the form) the work slowed down, as they had to read the product description each and every time. Pressure was applied to the staff to pick up the pace of the work and shipping errors abounded.

I took some time to talk to the shipping staff and the common problems noted were they were getting a carbon copy of the load with which to work, the lighting in the fridge was not what it could have been and some of the product descriptions did not follow any kind of pattern. When these observations were taken to the office manager (the one who started this whole thing), his response was it was the problem of the shipping department.

The amount of product that was shipped and returned was heart breaking. And all to save a few thousand on forms.

I am SO glad I'm out of there.
Best
Les

[scottmandue]

I never wanted to do this job in the first place!
I... I wanted to be...


A LUMBERJACK!


(piano vamp)


Leaping from tree to tree! As they float down the mighty rivers of
British Columbia! With my best girl by my side!
The Larch!
The Pine!
The Giant Redwood tree!
The Sequoia!
The Little Whopping Rule Tree!
We'd sing! Sing! Sing!


Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay,
I sleep all night and I work all day.


CHORUS: He's a lumberjack, and he's okay,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.


I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,
I go to the lava-try.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea.


Mounties: He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch,
He goes to the lava-try.
On Wednesdays 'e goes shoppin'
And has buttered scones for tea.


CHORUS


I cut down trees, I skip and jump,
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing,
And hang around in bars.


Mounties: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around.... In bars???????


CHORUS


I chop down trees, I wear high heels,
Suspenders and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear papa.


Mounties: He cuts down trees, he wears high heels
Suspenders?? and a .... a Bra????
(spoken, raggedly) What's this? Wants to be a "girlie"? Oh, My!
And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!


Read more: Monty Python - Lumberjack Song Lyrics | MetroLyrics

[john70t]

Originally Posted by rusnak

I thought the jackhammer story was the ending to the hotel story?

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

We sent the VP, this woman, and another associate to a 3-day...

It doesn't always end like the movies.

[rusnak]

John, there is medication for that, just sayin'

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by rusnak

I thought the jackhammer story was the ending to the hotel story?

We should have asked her about that in the exit interview. Maybe it was worth losing her job for "the hammer."

[Bill Douglas]

Will a Toyota Prius do more kilometers to the mile and a plain old Corolla?

[aap1966]

About 20 years ago, our company changed their load sheets .......

Les, I feel your pain. Bored managers with no experience but lots of "ideas". Trick is to keep them busy enough to stop them screwing up the actual work.

[Outback Porsche]

I've got a jolly jumbuck in my Tuckersack

Waitin' till your billy boiled




BTW, a jolly jumbuck goes into a Tuckerbag

Oh, and icecream has no bones

[on2wheels52]

Can you find ten different features between the two photos?
Jim