Entitled Kids

[M.D. Holloway]

The “Entitlement Generation” : Anchor Mom

I couldn't agree more with this article. I'm trying really hard not to raise the 'entitled' brat. It's not easy when there is so much of it.

I had my kids read this then read it again.

[Hugh R]

My 29 y/o daughter who is now a Mom (married first) has thanked us (married 31 years) for us interfering with her teenage life, God knows she resented it then.

[aigel]

I don't know how she got from the criticism of her parents for being beaten with a wooden spoon to the entitlement generation. Kids do not become entitled for lack of physical punishment. IMHO it shows weakness if you have to beat your kid. There are so many ways to enforce your rules and set boundaries that don't involve violence. Sure, everyone feels like hitting them in the side of the head every now and then, it takes self control, that's all.

G

[aigel]

Originally Posted by Hugh R

My 29 y/o daughter who is now a Mom (married first) has thanked us (married 31 years) for us interfering with her teenage life, God knows she resented it then.

Did you beat her with household objects? This is where that article is lacking IMHO.

G

[Hugh R]

No

[ckelly78z]

Very good article, that was the way I was raised, and YES, occasionally at a younger age my kids got the wooden spoon, and NO, they aren't scarred for life now.

These entitled kids are the same ones coming out of college expecting a good paying job to fall at their feet, and they're probably the same ones parking like douchbags, causing road rage accidents, and several other hot topics on this forum.

[fintstone]

Originally Posted by aigel

I don't know how she got from the criticism of her parents for being beaten with a wooden spoon to the entitlement generation. Kids do not become entitled for lack of physical punishment. IMHO it shows weakness if you have to beat your kid. There are so many ways to enforce your rules and set boundaries that don't involve violence. Sure, everyone feels like hitting them in the side of the head every now and then, it takes self control, that's all.

G

Would you explain how you can set a rule/boundary and enforce it if not with some threat of potential physical punishment?

[dennis in se pa]

If all through history parents had not disciplined their children with force we would not be here today. I little pain (not injury) does wonders to effect better behavior. I think most people today disagree with me. That is why we are where we are.

[mepstein]

Originally Posted by fintstone

Would you explain how you can set a rule/boundary and enforce it if not with some threat of potential physical punishment?

Just my tone of voice has always worked. Kids are now in late teens, honor students at great schools and very respectful. Lead by example.

[911SauCy]

Originally Posted by Hugh R

My 29 y/o daughter who is now a Mom (married first) has thanked us (married 31 years) for us interfering with her teenage life, God knows she resented it then.

My wife recently told her parents the same thing, she "hated" her parents when she was a teenager, and tells me she hopes our kids hate us when they're teens...me too


Good stuff

[fintstone]

Originally Posted by mepstein

Just my tone of voice has always worked. Kids are now in late teens, honor students at great schools and very respectful. Lead by example.

Just assume, like for many parents, the tone of your voice had no effect. Then what? Seriously?

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by mepstein

Just my tone of voice has always worked. Kids are now in late teens, honor students at great schools and very respectful. Lead by example.

What about your tone would motivate them unless they knew a change in your tone meant you were one step closer to hitting them? Not every kid needs it, but I think most probably do. I did and am thankful I got it. My sister didn't get it and I think it caused her some real problems that she only recently got over at the tender age of 40.

[911SauCy]

Originally Posted by aigel

Did you beat her with household objects? This is where that article is lacking IMHO.

G

My mom did.

But then again I was 6'2", 235lbs, benching 350 in high-school...she was 5'6", 150...I looked at it as her attempt to even the playing field. It was funny when the spoons would snap...sh'ed get soo much more angry.

M.D. This is such a great article and thread, bring on the debate as the varying demographics represented are likely split on this, as are most.

I was brought up as described, my wife was as well...I just sent it to her and she responded "what a great freaking article". I have a great job and have self-sustained since 15, wife has a great job as do both of her brothers (accountant and engineer)...perhaps there's something to it?

OTOH, My wife's step-siblings we're brought up as entitlement brats, everything is handed to them, they're now through college, one with an MBA in Sociology the other with a BA in "Music Management" (yes dad, the band is gunna make it). Now that Dad has dropped close to $600k on education, they left without debt, he bought them both a $30k car (that was the strict budget). Here they are now...the sociologist took off to Colorado and is a bar tender living in a house with 6 people. The musician can't figure out why he can't get a real job (perhaps it's the lower back length dreads or that he goes weeks between showers) so he makes minimum wage at a diner. Because dad now "feels bad" he continues to pays all their bills and sends them an allowance ...

Interestingly enough, they know everything, can't be told what to do, are wildly disrespectful, it goes on and on...never mind the drug habits

[Seahawk]

I was spanked but never hit with an object like a spoon or a belt. My Mom could Odd Job her shoe around corners, though.

As we got older, say 9/10, the spankings (never very frequent) stopped. My parents were masters of taking away the exact thing we coveted so the threat of not playing sports was enough.

They were a stalwart and unmovable pair, which I think is so important: If they said X was going to happen if I did Y it always did.

I slapped my kids hands when they were little. They hated the ceremony of it. I never hit them anywhere else with anything other than my open hand. Again, the shame of the whole deal was enough.

Finally, as many have said over the years, kids don't come with an owners manual, what works for one may not for another.

[mepstein]

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

What about your tone would motivate them unless they knew a change in your tone meant you were one step closer to hitting them? Not every kid needs it, but I think most probably do. I did and am thankful I got it. My sister didn't get it and I think it caused her some real problems that she only recently got over at the tender age of 40.

Sorry, never hit my kids to get them to behave. Never verbably abused them either. I have a good relationship with both of them. Flying down to my sons school to drive the 9 hours home with him. we'll have some bbq and talk all the way home. Did a 9 day college tour with my daughter over spring break. Just her and I each day. I enjoyed every minute. Ended up in VT and skied for a another week. Mom and grandparents drove up to join us. I love spending time with my kids and they do their best to pretend they like my company

[McLovin]

Striking a child in any manner is wrong, unnecessary and bad parenting.

[sammyg2]

Hippie dad to psychiatrist re: total brat kid:
Man we tried nuthin and we're all out of ideas!



I haven't raised a hand to either of my kids since they were toddlers when they got an occasional swat on the diaper just to get their attention.

I didn't have to because they both knew I was more than willing and capable of donig it if necessary, and they made sure if was never necessary.

I've seen kids turn out to be total looosers who they had parents who would say "oh stop that, please don't do that", and when the brat ignored them and kept doing it in direct defiance they'sd say "oh he never listens to me, i don't know what to do with him".

Weak parents who do not install right vs. wrong distinctions in kids are doing considerably more harm than if they used corporal punishment.

[McLovin]

Ironically, striking a child is what a weak parent does.

[Don Ro]

"Hippie dad to psychiatrist re: total brat kid:
Man we tried nuthin and we're all out of ideas!"
~~~~~~~~~
It's my notion that there has been a parenting crisis in this country since the early '60's.

[VincentVega]

Does the death grip count? It's something how powerful 2 fingers can be.