How is your sex life?

[Rusty Heap]

Two men were talking. 'So, how's your sex life?'
'Oh, nothing special. I'm having Pension sex.'
'Pension sex?'


'Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!'






LOUD SEX

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, 'I've got a big problem, doctor.
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, He lets out this ear splitting yell.'

'My dear,' the shrink said, 'that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is.' 'The problem is,' she complained, 'it wakes me up!'








QUIET SEX

Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session,
'How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?'
She glanced at him and replied, 'You're never home!'






CONFOUNDED SEX

A man was in a terrible accident, and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body. Insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic.
The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for 'small, $6,500 for 'medium, and $14,000 for 'large.'

The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came into the room, and found the man looking dejected.

'Well, what have the two of you decided?' asked the doctor.

'She'd rather remodel the kitchen.'







WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary

The husband yelled, 'When you die, I'm getting You a headstone that reads:

'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'.'
'Yeah,' she replies, 'when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.' '








WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX


My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, 'This will make you happy tonight.' He was right.

When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

[look 171]

Oh siht man! The first one had me laughing out loud by myself as I m sitting in a dirty corner looking out the window. Now, my workmen are looking at me like if I am nuts. Many of them are younger guys in their mid 30s and not married (not allow to date, company policy dut to too much drama or distraction) just laughed a little.

[widebody911]

The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon; you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.

The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime. Including the kitchen.

The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you've got to do it in the bedroom.

The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Screw you!"

There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the court.

[Mike80911]

A young boy is in the pharmacy with his dad when he sees the condom display. He asks his dad what those are for? His dad explains and the boy says why are there 3 in this box and the dad says those are for high school boys one for Friday one for Saturday and one for Sunday. He then asks why are there six in this box the dad says those are for College boys 2 for Friday 2 for Saturday 2 for Sunday. The boy then asks why does this box have 12 in it the dad says those are for married men 1 for January 1 for February.......

[dafischer]

Let's not forget Rodeo Sex. Take your wife (and/or girlfriend) from the back, doggy style, and tell her she's just about as good as her sister. Then try to stay on for 8 seconds.

[id10t]

Originally Posted by dafischer

let's not forget rodeo sex. Take your wife (and/or girlfriend) from the back, doggy style, and tell her she's just about as good as her [strike]sister[/strike] brother. Then try to stay on for 8 seconds.

ftfy

[Outback Porsche]

How do you know when a woman orgasms?











Who gives a 5hit.

[saxen]

Subd!!!!

[wdfifteen]

Don't forget aural sex.
Husband slams his bedroon door and wife yells, "F*&$k you!" Husband replies, "Kiss my azz!"

[widebody911]

My ex was like a Prius - I could never hear her coming