Raising step kids...Can you do it?

[AFC-911]

Just curious to hear some thoughts on this.

[Amail]

Raised two of them for the past 30 years. Their father passed away when they were young, so we didn't have to share holidays or anything like that. My situation is probably not normal in that respect.

A lot depends on the circumstances. Is the father around? Is everybody friendly towards each other? How old are the kids? How old are you? Do you want to be a dad, or does that just come with the package?

[Nordwest]

How old are the children?

[Oh Haha]

My first wife had a child from a relationship when we started dating. The girl was 5 when I came into the picture. I tried to raise her as my own but met resistance from her mother on discipline and other aspects. the father was a loser and didn't make any effort to share time or even see her.

I am doing things the same way with my own kids but my wife and I are a team.

My point is that unless the mother and you agree on how the kids will be raised, you COULD be in for a battle even on the simplest of topics.

My wife was raised by her Mom and stepdad from the age of 10 and turned out wonderful so it can go the other way as well. She is closer with her stepdad than her real dad.

[Instrument 41]

I raised 2 and have 2 of my own. All boys. I have heard of very harmonious situations, but that wasn't. Most of the time when there were issues it was that my wife didn't agree with the level of expectations and discipline I'd require of her 2boys. It was Ok that I was firm with my 2 but not hers. This also caused some major tension between she and I but at least the tension and its roots were recognized.Finally after a few year years she realized she and I were reaping what she had planted years earlier. By that time it was too late and the youngest has become a real burden to her and a major pain in my ass. The key is to make sure that the parents are on the same page.

[LakeCleElum]

I knew I couldn't and it wouldn't work out.....We dated 5 years till her son got out of high school...She gave him 30 days to get out of her condo so she could rent it and move in with me....Teen years are the hardest....

[Deschodt]

Originally Posted by NotaBRG

What do you want to know?

How much are you saving for college ? ;-)

Good man !!!

[impactbumper]

I do not think I could do it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[afterburn 549]

I did one,-
Raising someone else kid will be the hardest job you ever did.
I guarantee it.
Anyone that does it successfully deserves a Medal. The kid deserves one too.
It is ALL to EZ to lose the sense of balance, love, justice, discipline, and demands.

[MBAtarga]

No direct experience - but age of the children, as well as the expectations of the mother in terms of you disciplining them - are most important.

[Bob Kontak]

Originally Posted by afterburn 549

I did one,-
Raising someone else kid will be the hardest job you ever did.
I guarantee it.
Anyone that does it successfully deserves a Medal. The kid deserves one too.
It is ALL to EZ to lose the sense of balance, love, justice, discipline, and demands.

Well stated.

I failed.

[asphaltgambler]

I did once with a former fiancé' who was spoiled as a child, left her 3rd husband and kids they had together which should have been an obvious red flag. AND her youngest was son turning 13...................

Uh......... Nope...............

[sugarwood]

Seems like a terrible risk:reward ratio. Lose/lose.

[MBAtarga]

Didn't Dueller run into issues with the twin step daughters and their mom?

[Arizona_928]

Depends on the situation. Last stop before foster?

[LakeCleElum]

Originally Posted by MBAtarga

Didn't Dueller run into issues with the twin step daughters and their mom?

Thanks for the reminder Mark.....those were some great stories....

[crustychief]

I met Mrs Crusty when my three sons were 10 12 and 15. She had never been married nor had she any brothers growing up. There was tension because they boys wouldn't listen to her until I sat them all down and laid out their new "chain of command" they had 8 months to bond while I went on a deployment, when I came back everything was fine. I think she deserves a medal.

[mark waller]

My daughter was 8 when I met me wife who had 2 boys ages 7 and 11. We parented the same, disciplined the same and the boys rely upon me as their father. My daughter calls my wife all the time. All 3 kids are quite close but it can be a challenge if the parents are not on the same page! Oldest boy is getting married in 2 weeks. Time flies...............

[t-tom]

Greatest Accomplishment of my life, And the thing I'm most proud of.

[gacook]

Originally Posted by Instrument 41

I raised 2 and have 2 of my own. All boys. I have heard of very harmonious situations, but that wasn't. Most of the time when there were issues it was that my wife didn't agree with the level of expectations and discipline I'd require of her 2boys. It was Ok that I was firm with my 2 but not hers. This also caused some major tension between she and I but at least the tension and its roots were recognized.Finally after a few year years she realized she and I were reaping what she had planted years earlier. By that time it was too late and the youngest has become a real burden to her and a major pain in my ass. The key is to make sure that the parents are on the same page.

Felt like I wrote this myself...I'm in exactly the same boat--just had a fun fight about it again last night. Wife and I have been married 6 years now; boys' dad is in the picture about once a year, so I've done most of the "raising" of them since they were 12 and 9. Oldest is lazy as hell, just graduated and has no plans/goals; youngest has serious behavioral issues, which wife does nothing to address, and I'm an ass when I expect some level of discipline, though she's quick to jump on my kids for the slightest infraction. I've all but given up, and instead focus on making sure my own kids continue on the path they're on (a good one).