Good lord, I'm changed...

[greglepore]

Had to crawl into bed last night with my pop and hold him and answer that yes, he's dying. Held him until he calmed. He's resting peacefully beside me as I type this waiting for the end.

I can't say what exactly, but something deep inside is different now.

[Don Ro]

Reality tends to change a person...as opposed to 'thinking' about it.
Good Lord!, stay strong and God Bless you.

[masraum]

My sympathy in this tough time.

[Crowbob]

When my father passed my son expressed a deep and profound grief that no words could ever suffice.

I had not witnessed anything so profound and pure and honest.

My father's passing and my son's grieving of it also changed me in ways that my attempts to describe it are puny. Equal parts profound sadness and deep, visceral joy at the knowledge that my son knew my father and loved him.

[Geronimo '74]

Stay strong.
Don't really know what to say.

[Steve Carlton]

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Mine died quite a few years ago and I still think of the stuff he used to say and do and miss him terribly. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. Best wishes.

[stomachmonkey]

One of the worst moments of my life, in the ER, dad with a tube in his throat, can't speak, first time in my entire life I'd seen him scared, his eyes said it all, he knew.

My condolences.

[Tobra]

Take solace in the fact that you can be there for him

[Seahawk]

Here is what I know about parents dying: You have an chance few get, to be there and comfort at the end. I could not imagine a better, more fitting place for a son or daughter to be.

I was hours late for my mother, said good-bye to my father a week before he died.

You have been blessed with an opportunity and are rightfully changed by it. Well done.

[quicksix]

get in bed with him,tell him that you remember all the things he did for you.
the man you became, because of him..
be there....

[nostatic]

I remember when it changed for me. I got a call from his wife that my dad taken a fall (wasn't the first time), and was at a rehab facility. I'd seen him in the hospital quite a few times before for surgeries and other things, and I drove down to see him. As I turned the corner in the hall I saw him sitting in a wheelchair in the hallway, kind of slumped over. I got to him and said hi and he recognized me and smiled, but he was completely different - a shell of the strapping dad that I always knew. He was suffering from bladder cancer and some other things, but he'd turned a corner towards the end. He went home later that week, and passed at home a few months later in hospice. I wasn't there for the last moments, but did see him a few days before.

It is sad, terrifying, but profoundly human and a reminder that in fact we have a limited time on this planet. In that way, it is a beautiful part of life, but will challenge us all when the reality finally comes home to roost. God speed to your dad. I miss mine.

[herr_oberst]

Until a few years ago, this would have been unfathomable to me.

Your father raised a good man, and you have all my sympathies.

[creaturecat]

take care.
you are a good man. doing the right thing.

[IROC]

Wow. Really difficult time. My Dad died this past January and I am still struggling with it.

[Norm K]

Tears flow as I recall my Dad's last night. The sound of family talking - even lightheartedly - coming from the living room as I sat bedside while he drifted in and out of lucidity until he finally breathed his last breath. Thanks for the painful but beautiful memory of those precious moments. Gotta stop - screen too blurry to continue ...

[Oh Haha]

It is not easy even though we know it's coming.

My Dad's been gone 12 years and I still miss speaking with him. He went in for surgery but the doctors found cancer and we were given the choice of fighting it or unplugging the ventilator. We chose the latter and he passed peacefully not ever knowing how bad the cancer was.

My thoughts are with you.

[tabs]

I was holding my Mothers hand and talking to her for the last hours of her life, she was hanging on because I was in the room with her, even though her body had turned ice cold. The moment I stepped out of the room for a moment she passed away...After my Mother passed away I never doubted my intuitive capacity again, it is real and unerringly accurate. With my Mother I saw/felt that a man was waiting patiently to meet her on the other side of the curtain between life and death. The day before she passed away my Mother told me in our last conversation that the night before she had a dream of horses and that she could not quiet get on the horse. One of the four horses of the apocalypse is death.

With my Dad I was holding his hand and the moment I told him he didn't fail me by leaving me, he took a final breath and passed away. How I came to those words was completely based upon intuition as my Dad was way past conversation.

With Sandy I was holding her hand talking to her and finally I told her to do what she needed to do and she took a couple of shallow breaths and passed away. I was the only one to be with her at the end. Exactly a week before Sandy passed I had to put my dog Zoey down and I was with her to. A week before Sandy passed away she started saying and pointing that there was a tall woman with short hair that had a dog in the room ...then the woman was sitting next to her...Sandy then started to say to no one , "I don't understand." Of course there was no one in the room that met that description. Finally several days before she passed late in the night I was talking to Sandy about forgiveness I started down the stairs to get some water when before I could put my foot down shifting weight I slipped. I am very careful about going down stairs because of my size and weight, watching each step making sure my foot is down before shifting weight completely and holding onto the rail. In other words I do not believe it was an accident as I had been up and down those stairs quiet a bit.

When I was walking into the hospice to be with Sandy it was with grim determination as I knew exactly what to expect. Before I left the hospice I had a conversation with the Priest who was there. I told him the only thing we take with us to the other side is our capacity to love and the only thing that makes any sense in this life is kindness to others. I left him crying. On the way home I had the feeling that because I stood with her at the end when no one else was there her whole family back to Abraham was smiling.


So the answer is yes something very deep and profound does change within us..we come to understand things a bit differently..

[flatbutt]

Hi Greg, my sincere condolences. I was with my Dad when he passed. But he was unconscious at the time that he passed and had been for about a full day prior. He was on the couch (his favorite spot) and I was sitting on the floor propped up against the couch next to him. I heard his last gasp and was able to hold his hand, but I have no idea if he knew I was there.

Sons bury Fathers who had buried their Father. And so it goes on and on.

Peace.

[Mark Henry]

My dad had no gag reflex (brain damage mixed with dementia) and he would have to have a feeding tube/IV and live the rest of his life in a home. I had explicit instructions and a living will that said he didn't want to live like that.
I had to make the call.

Hardest thing I've ever had to do.

[legion]

Originally Posted by Tobra

Take solace in the fact that you can be there for him

My dad died 10 years ago when I was 27. I got a phone call when they found him. I knew it was coming as he was a diabetic that had had his leg amputated in the a year and a half previous, but it was hard to tell when, as he'd been telling me he'd been terminally ill with this or that since I was a small child.