Advice to your spouse if you go first....
 

The thread on wills got me thinking about this. I know this is a morbid subject but what pearls of wisdom do you give to your spouse if you go first?

Being 70 I have no idea how long I will live but I have mentioned a few things to my wife.
Our yard seems to get bigger each year and as long as we are alive I can see being here at least five years. However we have become codependent on yard duties and for one person to do it all could be a challenge.

So I have suggested that if I go first then selling the house with a big yard and move in to the rented condo when the lease comes to an end. I suggested 6 months of summer in Edmonton and 6 months in Palm Springs. Of course when she is on her own she can do what she wants. Alternatively she has suggested keeping the house and paying people to do yard work.

Your thoughts?

We have had this same discussion. Yard work is our relaxation and one of our creative outlets, but our place is really work intensive at this stage. It would be too much for just one of us. Our thoughts are to hire someone to help, but then there is the house itself. We could live in a lot less than 3000 square feet. I don't want to wait until I croak and leave selling the house and disposing of all my crap to her, so we're thinking ahead on that. We have started divesting ourselves of stuff, but we have a long way to go.

What the guns are worth, what the 356 is worth, who should get first right of refusal

Talk to them about what you want for a funeral and what they want.

Now telling them to wrap you up and throw you in the ditch is not what you are going to tell them. No spouse would ever do that unless they hate you and are trying to get rid of your body.

Put these instructions in an envelope somewhere safe in your house and tell them where you put it. Do not put it with your will. Quite often the will is not opened until after the funeral.

Funerals are for the living whether it's a religious ceremony or just having a group of friends and family gather at your house and having a few beers. Funerals give an opportunity to express your condolences to the surviving family and to talk about the good times.

My wife and I are just beginning to nimble around the very same discussion.

She is 9 years younger than I am so we can all do the math.

God willing we have another ten years here and then we need to make a move: If the kids want the farm they can have it, if not, selling will be on the table..this place is way too much effort. A lot of where she goes and how will no doubt depend on where our children decide to live and if they have children of their own.

With all of my health issues, we have discussed this very thing. We have 10 acres with about 60 animals of differing breeds to take care of (Most of which she considers her babies).

I could downsize right now, and forego all of the animals, but she wouldn't have any part of that. I believe that we both have a living will which oulines our wishes for being revived, should we be on death's doorstep.

Now if for some reason, she goes first, I would probably re-home all of the animals, retire from my job, and travel the country.

Bury me bent over so the world can kiss my ass!

Unless I get strike by lightning or something, ain't going down that way.

My guitars are worth much more than what I told you I paid for them.

My wife and I have a discussion on this about every 3 months. It is not about who gets what, that is detailed in our wills. It is about how we want to be sent off.

Discussing this does not need to be a difficult conversation. But, having the discussion provides a lot of insight into what the other one wants. As an example, my wife wants her ashes to be scattered at a particular place. I told her that was something that I wanted to do alone by myself. She said no, she wanted our children & grandchildren present. I had not previously known that is how she wanted it handled. But, I am glad we talked about it.

Enjoy herself.

"Keep running..."

"My greatest fear is my wife will sell off my cars and parts for what I told her I paid for them"

be sure and leave her a link to this forum - there is not a question that can't be answered here!!

and I would go so far as to note that there are a lot of caring and trustworthy people on here that would steer her in the right direction....

td

LOL! I could say the same about pool cues.

Yes, we've discussed it. The large lot is becoming more than this 72 year old enjoys working on. As far as stuff goes, I've mentioned a few things. The most valuable is already gone in anticipation of death. I was also getting bored with having it.

Not too worried because Cindy has a good money head and will be okay financially.

Oh man, do I have the family members living for that. Its ridiculous. All could afford a live in full time illegal (lol) to do this stuff, but they have a never ending of mowing and pulling weeds, to leaf picking up in autumn. Absolute silly because they also gripe of it, sweat it out in the heat for hours. Then to include all the equipment, maintenance of that, chemicals plus storing it all..... ya know one has to get another or bigger shed, eh? Oh' the struggles :rolleyes:

Especially odd when couples are up there in age. What happens the immediate weeks following of a death? Who's going to pick up the portion the surviving spouse was doing? I'd say unload the properties and large maintenance farms while able to.

Now when I think of it, a few years ago was helping a widow (recently lost her husband) but she too was on the way out with cancer. Huge property way out in the country that nobody would give a ratz ass about but she wanted to keep the fields behind the barn manicured to golf course like. She broke down in front of me about the damn grass growing! Barn had lots of tractors and mowers all worn out from years of the task. What a waste. My help in just mowing was 6 hours a week.

I am trying to teach wifey how to manage the rental properties.
Once paid off, they will provide enough to live pretty comfortably off of.
I did not buy them for us, I bought them for our 2 baby girls.
When i die, and she remarries, GET A PRENUMPT!!
Dont let some jack butt take half of our babies future income.

that's rich.... impart wisdom to my wife.......

I have told my wife not to waste any money on a funeral other than to put my ashes in a nice urn.
I try to educate her about the proper investment approach.
However she doesn't have a care in the world about that and says the Lord will provide......of course that's a thread of parf.
My greatest concern is that she doesn't get ripped off by some POS investment coach and ending up broke and or homeless.

I've written my obituary. It's in the safe.

All cash, retirement account (such as it is), and life insurance is to be split equally among the three children - our two together and the one who calls me the wicked stepmother but who actually loves me more than he loves his birth mother.

Please fall in love again with someone who will love you as I have and will treasure you all the remaining days of your lives.

angela

DO NOT load all those porsche parts into a rubbish skip.

I'm giving everything to the people I love while they and me are still alive. Not one single number has ever come up...so far.

When I die, I will die with zero.

+1

"Pete" had asthma. Co-worker. We were the staff of function with same boss.

Friday afternoon we were on the phone squalking about the boss. Both in late 30's. Fun, Friday afternoon BS session looking forward to the weekend.

Pete died that night at 39 from an asthma attack.

Bosses boss said check his desk out with a witness (boss out of town). Pete had a sealed envelope with "In case of premature death" written on the outside in the upper right hand drawer.

Pete had it covered. Just handed the envelope to his wife. RIP to a good man.

For forty years I've given paintings by my own hand, via whim and conviction, to friends and family.

Those pictures are my obituary.

I have recently embarked on a mission to track those pictures; to discover where they have ended up.

Hundreds of 'em.

To be opened upon my death.

Dear Spouse:

...insert profession of love here, and maybe some apologies for the difficult time...

Now, here is where you will find passwords to bank sites, credit card sites, mortgage, etc etc.

Here are passwords to sites with automatically paid subscriptions you need to cancel...

Here's where to find insurance policies, will, living trust, Power of Atty., etc.

Here are other financial accounts...

Talk to this guy for financial advice, don't talk to this other guy. Talk to this guy about my investment in x.

Sell this, not that. This is worth x. Ask for help from this person.

And finally, I have two other kids you don't know about. :)

Great sentiment.

I'd tell her to put the seat down so she doesn't plop her butt unto the toilet water.

She doan listen to a thing I say now.

I'm a single fellow. Never married, no kids, never received a surprise Fathers Day card with free tickets to the Maury Povich show. I think I will just prepay for my funeral and although I am tattoo free, the thought of using Google Earth to get a "precise" Lat and Lon of the family burial plot, the numbers of which I might get tattoo'd on my arm so maybe somebody someday will figure out where to bury me.

But knowing my luck, The National Geodetic Survey will make several more adjustments to the Earth Centered Earth Fixed position and Windows 33 will be incompatible with Google Earth.

We are both fully aware of one an other's finacial situation, where the accounts are, how much are in them etc. What I really lack is a good friend who understands the car collection and can help her liquidate it.

"Dear," asked a wife. "What would you do if I died?"

"Why dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?"

"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife.

"No, of course not, dear" said the husband.

"Don't you like being married?" asked the wife.

"Of course I do, dear" he said.

"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

"All right," said the husband, "I'd remarry."

"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.

"Yes," said the husband.

"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" asked the wife.

After a long pause. "Well, yes, I suppose I would," replied the husband.

"I see," said the wife indignantly. "And would you let her wear my old clothes?"

"I suppose, if she wanted to," said the husband.

"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"

"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."

"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too!?"

"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She's left-handed."