question for you parents of young children..

[vash]

i have some good friends. good enough friends in that they got my wife and i to be "god-parents". doesnt mean much in my circles, except i help start the college fund..etc.

last year around this time, they asked my wife if we wanted to meet in Lake Tahoe to spend holiday time together. she said "YES!".

things got crowded. i pictured hotel rooms. nope..we rented a house/condo. the kids are insane. we got there first, opened a bottle of wine, built a fire, picked the quietest room..cuddled..then the doorbell rang and all hell broke loose. i opened the door with the warmth of the fire and wine still on my face and was handed a screaming kid (my godson) who was coated head to toe with vomit. i heard the worst words of my life, "can you bath him?" WTF?? i dont like bathing myself much. but i did okay since i had a hose at the bathtub. i got the kid reasonably clean. the 4 days was pandamonium. i think the parents like it because the child care got divided by 4 instead of 2.

i like the kids, i like visiting them, and i like scurrying back to my truck to race home.

Lake Tahoe, we didnt eat out, we didnt hit the casinos, we didnt drink booze..no cigars. i did eat cheerios, mac and cheese..i cooked and cleaned.

i just intercepted an email to my wife. they want to rent a condo so we can all go to LEGOLAND..i said "NO!" from the her email.

here is my question: as parents you are blessed. but do you subject your children-less kids to the experience? my other parent couples think it is insane and go to great lengths to keep us out of the craziness. my buddy jordan says, "hey it is your vacation as well". his daughter is growing up to around 8 and is an awesome kid. she can handle converstions well.

they want us at LegoLand day after Christmas. seriously..NO. need a litmus test friends. am i being an ass? keep in mind they did send us the cost list it was $thousands.

[bivenator]

I would never ever subject my childless friends to a vacation with my children. Thats nuts, seriously nuts.

If I were childless I would have to think hard before accepting such an invite.

[cstreit]

was handed a screaming kid (my godson) who was coated head to toe with vomit. i heard the worst words of my life, "can you bath him?"

...bit of entitlement happening there. WHy would they expect someone else to take care of their kid like that?

So to answer your question - No. I don't expect other people to assist in parenting. That's not their job. Particularly couples/people who have decided to not to have children. I would definitely not be joining them at LegoLand. They've already shown that they simply expect you to be the "additional parent" without even asking... ...so explaining this to them would be met with blank looks.

[legion]

I don't do this to other non-family members. We will do stuff like this with grandparents and our siblings (aunts/uncles to the kids), but we live far away (so only like once every year or two) and they do sometimes bow out of the craziness with no offense taken.

I do have one coworker who whenever his wife and kids would visit for lunch (or go out with us for lunch), she would seat her kids at one end of the table and sit at the other end--effectively making her kids someone else's problem. I stopped going to lunches that I knew they would show up to, and was pretty unhappy when surprised by their arrival (as I'd always seem to end up next to the kids). When my wife/kids join my coworkers for lunch, my kids sit at one end of the table, my wife and I sit next to them, and then the other adults sit next to us. We don't want or expect others to deal with our children.

[quicksix]

3 weeks out and they want you to spend thousands to help babysit?
Not

[flipper35]

What Chris said. You may have a good time with some couples but this couple seems to expect you to be a free nanny while you join them.

[stomachmonkey]

Life is no better or worse with or without kids, it's just different.

Your friends want their childless friends to share in a kids oriented vacation.

No.

If they were vegan would you invite them on one of your hunting trips?

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by bivenator

I would never ever subject my childless friends to a vacation with my children. Thats nuts, seriously nuts.

If I were childless I would have to think hard before accepting such an invite.

Dude, we only vacationed with one other couple with children when my kids were young and I thought THAT was nuts until we settled on NOT sharing a house...separate lodging is an essential feature in maintaining friendships.

[RKDinOKC]

Was invited to a situation where I was expected the help with the kids.
The kids started telling chicken crossed the road jokes.
I asked if anyone knew why the mouse crossed the road.
My answer was that it was stapled to the chicken.
The kids loved it. Parents were appalled.
I was not asked to help manage the kids again. Win, win.

[Oh Haha]

You have every right to tell them no and you are not being an a$$.

If one of my friends handed ME a vomit covered child they would be getting said child handed right back to them.

MY kids would probably dig LEGOLAND, you are welcome to take them!!

[ckelly78z]

I think perhaps, that you were named God-Parents as more of a convenience to them, than an honor to you.

Some boundaries need to be set very early with this couple, and their kids, or else you will notice a patern of abuse taking place guided at you.

The "Tahoe experience" may just be an anomoly that hpappened all at once, and you were there to pick up the peices. Give them another shot, with some understanding that you aren't parents, (and really didn't ask to be instant parents of their kids).

[ckelly78z]

This reminds me of a time that the whole family decided to go camping. My parents had their 30' airstream with 1 bed. We had our 13' tandem axle popup camper with two beds and two make up beds. My Brother's family had a large tent (or so I thought), and showed up late with their 3 kids and no tent.

This is where it got fun for us, My brother and his wife left after dinner the first night, and went to a hotel (my SIL quietly asked my wife if it was OK), and left us to deal with their 3 kids. My parents didn't allow any of the grandkids to sleep with them, because "grandpa snores". So here we are, 7 people jammed into an aging popup in a rain storm.

We ended up having to feed everyone the next morning, pack all thier crap into our van, and re-deliver them to their doorstep, where their happy parents joyfully welcomed us with open arms......the beggining of the end of good relations with my brother.

[wayner]

There is a reason that during child years the two types of families seek out others the same

I wouldn't feel guilty that this natural distance has been created in the relationship. If you want, go and visit their house for an hour or so once in a while. For vacations ask them to go rafting with you in the Grand Canyon :-)

(We are just out of our child raising years and enjoying the freedom so maybe I'm a bit biased... oh and by the way don't sit at the table next to me in a nice restaurant, go to one that has a treasure chest or loot bag at the end of the meal, I won't be there :-)

[Don Ro]

I say screw 'em. You brought them in, you take care of them > on your own.

[Laneco]

We have a distant relative-by-marriage who has a young son. Cute little guy and we offered to take care of him for an afternoon so that she could have some "away" time. Trust me, parents of young children NEED a little away time.

She dropped the child off late morning with some food, spare clothes and a couple of diapers with the promise that she would be back around 2pm. By 5pm, we were getting a little concerned and cancelled our dinner plans. We started trying to call her around 6 and she promised to be 'right over'. By this time, the child was out of diapers and food - had to go buy both. She finally showed up sometime after midnight. Apparently, she had just a grand old time. I however, had to be up at 4am to catch a plane.

Last time that happened. She called repeatedly asking us to take him again for a few hours. I had to tell her NO. She took ridiculous advantage the first time with not even an attempt at an apology, etc. I couldn't figure out why no one in her family would watch the child - now I know why - it was because of her...

Your Tahoe trip was not a good adventure for you. That was IMMERSION without any time at all in the wading pool! Maybe a few hours at a petting zoo, or an indoor trampoline camp, etc. The LEGOLAND trip is going to be Tahoe on steroids - you really need to avoid it. The child will grow older, and hopefully become better "company" as they often do. When that happens, just expand the time you spend with him. in the meantime, I would pass on the LEGOLAND trip.

By the way...am I the only one thinking that you got asked to be Godparents for the financial end, not so much for anything else? Hate to think that was true...

angela

[legion]

Originally Posted by Laneco

She dropped the child off late morning with some food, spare clothes and a couple of diapers with the promise that she would be back around 2pm. By 5pm, we were getting a little concerned and cancelled our dinner plans. We started trying to call her around 6 and she promised to be 'right over'. By this time, the child was out of diapers and food - had to go buy both. She finally showed up sometime after midnight.

Wow. Just wow. I'd feel deeply ashamed if I mis-estimated traffic and was 30 minutes late--ashamed enough that I wouldn't ever ask again. 10+ hours late! Wow.

I think we were 15 minutes late picking up our kids once from a friend's house (who also had kids). We were at a parents-only school program. 30 minutes before our pickup time (and 15 minutes before the program was to be over) we texted that it appeared the program might run long. Then they got a text when the program did end (10 minutes late). Then we misjudged getting out of the school parking lot (an extra 5 minutes and another text). I think we're okay, but we still haven't asked them to watch our kids since.

[look 171]

Vash, man up and clean up that kid. What's the matter with you?

You are right, don't go to Legoland, no place for adults, none. When our kids were small, we sat them by us when out to dinner and we went out often due to my wife's wonderful cooking. We trained them to sit at the dinner table until we finish. they can play with toys, but are never to leave. As far as cleaning up barf, or bathing, that's our job not anyone else's. I am with Legion here, grandparents and my sister are the other other people that bathed and changed our kids.

[Ayles]

Not getting a cocktail, going to the casino, smoking a cigar is on you. I travel with my son and other people with and without kids all the time. Lots of vacation rentals etc...

There is no reason why you can't indulge. Once the kids are in bed its time for beer and bourbon. I will always grill up a steak or some lamb. My son is only three and loves a little steak/lamb too. No reason to eat mac and cheese.

Now, I would never impose my vomit soaked child on anyone. That's mine and my wife's job as parents to clean and bathe. Doubly so if they are sick.

[look 171]

Originally Posted by Laneco

We have a distant relative-by-marriage who has a young son. Cute little guy and we offered to take care of him for an afternoon so that she could have some "away" time. Trust me, parents of young children NEED a little away time.

She dropped the child off late morning with some food, spare clothes and a couple of diapers with the promise that she would be back around 2pm. By 5pm, we were getting a little concerned and cancelled our dinner plans. We started trying to call her around 6 and she promised to be 'right over'. By this time, the child was out of diapers and food - had to go buy both. She finally showed up sometime after midnight. Apparently, she had just a grand old time. I however, had to be up at 4am to catch a plane.

Last time that happened. She called repeatedly asking us to take him again for a few hours. I had to tell her NO. She took ridiculous advantage the first time with not even an attempt at an apology, etc. I couldn't figure out why no one in her family would watch the child - now I know why - it was because of her...

Your Tahoe trip was not a good adventure for you. That was IMMERSION without any time at all in the wading pool! Maybe a few hours at a petting zoo, or an indoor trampoline camp, etc. The LEGOLAND trip is going to be Tahoe on steroids - you really need to avoid it. The child will grow older, and hopefully become better "company" as they often do. When that happens, just expand the time you spend with him. in the meantime, I would pass on the LEGOLAND trip.

By the way...am I the only one thinking that you got asked to be Godparents for the financial end, not so much for anything else? Hate to think that was true...

angela

I am sorry to hear about that, Angela. I feel your pain. My BIL does that siht with my mom often. She would cook lunch for him with the promise that he'll show up in 30 min for some babysitting time and have lunch. He doesn't call, show up at 6pm and leaves. I ripped him a new one after the third time. My mom just wouldn't say anything because she feared they wouldn't leave their baby with her anymore or never visit.

[Tishabet]

Pretty much all of these tales seem to fall into the "people can be self absorbed dickholes" category. The kids seem to just be the mechanism by which the dickholiness becomes known.

I have a 3 year old (4 next week, egad) and as others have stated this is not normal parent behavior... the stuff being asked of you is stuff I would maybe ask of a grandparent and even then probably not. My kid is my (and my wife's) responsibility, full stop.