Cutting off credit to wife, how to?

[scottmandue]

Long story short wife has a spending problem.
Refied the house in April and paid everything off and swore up and down "no more using credit!"
Today I find out she has run up $4000 already.
And if you are thinking 'cut up her cards' she will just report them as stolen and get new ones.
We are talking accounts with B of A, Chase, Amazon, and Paypal.
Any help appreciated.

[sammyg2]

I know what I would do

[wildthing]

Close her accounts.

If she is just an authorized user on the same account, even easier. (This is what my wife has, though she has her own MC with a lower limit.)

Also Google financial therapy.

[Sooner or later]

What is she buying?

I think you are up the creek without a paddle.

[Don Ro]

Marriage Couples Counseling !!!!!!!!!!
.
You have an enemy within who's an addict. Seriously.
Addiction is addiction...many forms but the root issue is the same. Mood altering.

[vash]

close her accounts and put her on an allowance..maybe a single card with very limited credit.

that's what my wife did to me..hahahah..

[1990C4S]

You need to see a lawyer. And she needs outside help.

[Shaun @ Tru6]

Originally Posted by scottmandue

And if you are thinking 'cut up her cards' she will just report them as stolen and get new ones.

Your problem isn't her spending too much. She doesn't respect your marriage.

Marriage counseling is in order.

[varmint]

The credit card companies are not going to help. They got rich off people like your wife.




Pull a Dave Ramsey and cancel all your cards. One the first of every month draw out a certain amount of cash and put it in envelopes marked food, gas, electric, cable, fun, etc.

I know this is extreme and hope someone here can think of something better.

[RANDY P]

She opening cards under your name? credit lock on your file might work.

God help you if you get divorced and cards magically pop up in the process. Happens all the time.

rjp

[RKDinOKC]

Nephew and his wife ended up having to get completely separate accounts. No joint accounts for anything. She is not on any of his and he is not on any of hers. They decided whom was responsible for which bills and do not pay the other's bills. If the lights go off it's his fault and they are off till he pays the bill. If there is nothing to eat it's her fault and they don't eat until she has the money.

She did not work but got paid from his account for a pre-agreed budget to take care of her responsibilities. He said they only had no food to eat just once and she got a handle on her spending. She was mostly buying clothes.

[Don Ro]

"Today I find out she has run up $4000 already."
~~~~~~~~
She's being secretive about it, apparently. No different than the boozer who hides the bottle in the gargag or behind the toilet tank....etc.
You have an addict on your hands.
I've witnessed this in three women with whom I've been involved.
Latest is my 63 yr. old g/f who owes over $140k on a refi, $3k to her sister (payed off a credit card) and who a week ago bought a $950 antique lamp with PayPal credit.
She's semi-retired and barely can make ends meet with her income.
It's an illness.

[RANDY P]

Better yet: Fraud alert. Say your SSN was stolen. Report it to the bureaus.

rjp

[stomachmonkey]

Originally Posted by RANDY P

She opening cards under your name? credit lock on your file might work.

God help you if you get divorced and cards magically pop up in the process. Happens all the time.

rjp

Happened to my father.

She was bitter, opened the accounts after the divorce to "get even"

He only found out after she died unexpectedly of Pneumonia and the creditors came knocking.

Just shy of $300k.

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by Don Ro

Marriage Couples Counseling !!!!!!!!!!
.
You have an enemy within who's an addict. Seriously.
Addiction is addiction...many forms but the root issue is the same. Mood altering.

Close the accounts and then this.

[john70t]

Originally Posted by scottmandue

Refied the house in April and paid everything off and swore up and down "no more using credit!"
Today I find out she has run up $4000 already.

Was going to say something else, until I re-read that. Yikes.
She was caught big time....but now doing it more?

That is seriously self-destructive behavior.
She wants to hurt you, or her, or both of you, and is determined to bring it all down.
She gets a high from these unneeded objects and the thrill of the risk and the damage done.
Any concerns for you or any others involved are no longer relevant...
I hope there aren't kids involved.

One problem is that our current credit and/or legal system considers husband/wife the same: Jointly and severally liable.
One partner can commit the crime but everyone is automatically guilty, in-perpetuity.

She needs psych help IMO.
Something is driving this behavior which might be able to be changed.

[john70t]

Lawyer. Close all accounts. Separate bank accounts. Budget plan in writing. All witnessed/authorized by outsiders.

Even hire a trustee for everything. Direct deposit your paycheck.
You and her remain on the same side and suffer together.
3rd party is neutral and takes care of numbers.

Save your marriage partner from herself.

[MRM]

Your wife has a mental health issue, not a spending problem. You will not resolve her out-of-control spending until you address her mental health issues. You need to contact the doctor and figure out what is wrong.

[scottmandue]

Paypal and Amazon are her personal accounts... not sure of B of A...

I asked her directly about it this morning via email and she came clean...

I was hoping for more technical info than 'close her accounts', can I call B of A, give them her name and ask them to close the accounts? Get a lawyer? As we all know lawyers are big $$$ and it seems counter intuitive to spend more money to try to fix a debt problem, can a lawyer shut down accounts not in my name? How?

I agree on counseling but want to have that discussion face to face when I get home from work.

[Don Ro]

"I asked her directly about it this morning via email and she came clean..."
~~~~~~~~~
That's good news.