Have You Ever Pulled a "FAST ONE" and Totally Got Away With It?

[John Rogers]

Since there is so much gloom around right now I thought of a new topic that you young'uns can add to and maybe get a chuckle remembering it. Here's mine which happened in 1977 aboard the CGN25, USS Bainbridge while we were in Pusan Korea. We had just come out of a reactor refueling, West Pac work up and everyone was tired and morale was low. Since this was the "old Navy" the first thing we did when getting to Pusan was to find the bars which were on a street named "Texas Street"? Our engineering gang decided on one which was treating us great. I asked one of the other chiefs if we could have a party and since he had been there longer than me said there was 3 or 4 years worth of rec fund $$$$$ sitting and we could pull it out with the div officer's signature and when I checked it was A LOT! So I struck a deal with the bar owner and he said for that price the drinks AND the girls were included and he would provide pier limo service too! Wow sounded great and on top of that the ship provided cold cuts and all the makings for sandwiches so it was party time. It was great and a very memorable time to say the least. I found out a day later the chief engineer who was a very strick and religious person had tried to put a stop payment on the check but the bar owner had cashed it very, very fast! Morale was sure high after that for a long time and I imagine there are guys who still remember it, I sure do.

Let's have your stories....

[legion]

I was home from break in college for Christmas. My parents don't drink, but my mom had gotten a bottle of vodka at a Christmas white elephant the year before. This bottle had sat in the cupboard, in a decorative box, for about a year.

Any way, one night my sister and I proceeded to drink the whole bottle (with orange juice--screwdrivers). At the conclusion, I filled the bottle back up with water, put it back in the box, and put the box back in the cupboard.

I never heard a thing about it. My parents were not the types to "let things slide" or "pretend they didn't know".

[70SATMan]

Stickin with Johns theme (the best stories are Navy stories as everyone knows). My satcom system had two X/Y antennas just off the flight deck port and starboard. Both antennas had small locked equipment rooms and my shop had the primary keys. The starboard side was easily accessible from the catwalk but, on the port side, one had to climb down a ladder to the antenna platform. Nobody except the four of us in my shop ever went there. Single door access and direct ventilation in and out of the space to open air.

The perfect place for a still.

We brewed our own wine in plastic tubs and had many a good evening (off watch) listening to tunes, chewing tobacco and "drinking my wine". Made the long deployments a bit more bearable. Other guys would sneak vodka aboard and store it in isopropyl cans but, that didn't take much imagination.

[RANDY P]

Dinner with my two best friends: Check arrives, I grab check before one of the other two get it, I
Total tab $60

I tell friend one: $27
Friend two $24
My actual share of the tab: $21.

I pay tab, close it out w/tip, then I show 'em.

rjp

[Seahawk]

Not my idea, but I had a hand in it. Quick Sea Story.

Second cruise in 1987. I was flying off the USS Crommelin, FFG-37. We had an accelerated deployment schedule with the Constellation Battle Group and headed out on another WESTPAC.

We pulled into the Philippines and the Carrier Air Group Commander (CAG - a Two Star Admiral) wanted to have an air wing Dinning In (a Navy term for a drunken bacchanalia) at the Cubi Point O Club. The CAG's Aide was a very good friend of mine and fun would be had by all.

My Detachments Officer-in-Charge (OIC) on the Crommelin was a really great guy and he decided to add some spice to the proceedings.

As part of his plan, my job was to to go find 4 of the best, most innocent looking young hostesses in Olongapo and pay their "bar fines" for two nights...the second night would include having them attend the Dining In with us dressed very conservatively. The also had to speak some English.

The risk was Dining In's are closed affairs, no wives, husbands or significant others.
Dining Out's are reserved for that and are much, much less raucous. We had to strike quickly.

The night of the Dining In I go with my OinC to pick up the young ladies. They look spectacular. On the drive up to the Cubi Point O'Club, my OIC gives the young ladies specific, detailed instructions on what he wants them to do.

Cubi Point O'Club is a famous, legendary place. It is located about 1500ft above the old Naval Airfield and commands a sweeping view of Subic Bay. Many, many Battle Groups have let the big dog eat at Cubi.

Entering the O'Club with the young ladies, I see CAG and his Aide, my friend Brian. Brian calls me and my OIC over to talk with the CAG, Admiral Bull. Admiral Bull is a great guy who was an A-6 BN in Vietnam...this is not his first Dining In. This is, however, completely unexpected and potentially ruinous. Our plan did not include the Admiral. Too late.

We re-introduce ourselves to the Admiral and he turns to the young ladies, and introduces himself.

As per the instructions given them by my OIC, the cutest of the four asks Admiral Bull in the sweetest accent, "Are you a helicopter pilot from the USS Crommelin?"

Brian is giving me a WTF look. Panic sets in.

"Why no, young lady, I am not...I run the the whole show!"

As instructed she replies, "Then I don't want to talk to you, I want to meet helicopter pilots from the Crommelin." She then holds her hands out in front of her, a foot apart looking the Admiral right in the eye, says excitedly: "We heard they have dicks this big!"

The two seconds it took for her to say the words and Admiral Bull to start laughing a genuine, hearty laugh are the two longest seconds of my life.

Much to our relief he loved it. He insisted we set the young ladies loose on the Battle Group pilots in search of helicopter pilots from the Crommelin.

Great night. They were a big hit.

[Craig T]

In 2006, coming back from Neptune's Net on PCH with my wife in her new 997S, still in paper plates, I may have been slightly exceeding the speed limit (just alleged speeding, and statute of limitations apply) . I was heading eastbound on Mulholland between Westlake and Kanan . Just past Westlake I looked up to see a CHP pointing a radar gun at us from outside his car. I looked in my mirror to see him hurrying back into the car to get me. Two weeks earlier we attended a charity event at one of the ranches on Mulholland. The driveway went back a couple hundred yards before getting to the security gate, and it was in the trees not visible from the road. That driveway was just around the next corner. I know you're say..."NO YOU DIDANT", but I did! My wife was FURIOUS I floored it around the corner and ducked into the driveway before the CHP came around the corner. As soon as I heard the CHP screaming by toward Kanan and around the next corner, I took off backtracking in the opposite direction, turned down Westlake and onto the 101 Fwy toward Ventura.

I kind of expected the Law to show up at my door, but it never happened.

[Reiver]

Yes, one very stupid one.
I was a Sgt. in the 14th Inf. and we were pulling perimeter guard at Long Binh. A stateside Army friend found out where I was and drove a Jeep up from Saigon (he was a MACV advisor in Ken Hoa (sp)) and drove up as we were having a formation.....Sgt. M Eisenhower...couldn't believe it.
We talked and I asked SSG Keyes (PSG) to be kept off duty for a few days so we could visit and he said I had a few days off of Sgt of the Guard (run around checking bunkers).
I thought we'd hit the club etc....no way.
Mike brought a set of MACV cammies...we jump in the Jeep and are going to drive to Saigon...alone. His team was stationed just south of Saigon so he went up there often.
We get half way there and we run out of gas....I watch him take off on the back of a lambretta scooter with a local while 'guarding' the jeep...he comes back with large glass bottles of bootleg gas.
We get to Saigon....go to the Melody Hotel where his local minoi runs the place....and he hooks me up with the most beautiful half French/Viet girl you ever saw.....I've been in the field for about two months prior to stand down...damn. The energizer bunny.
We partied all night...I remember riding around Saigon at 3 in the morning (MACV had no curfew like conventional GI's did) on those motorcycles with two seats in front of the handle bar, you are the bumper....
Anyway, we made it back to LB, I changed into my grunt fatigues...go to chow and no one knew I had even been gone....unreal.
AWOL in country and a clean pass......stupid, really stupid dumb luck.

[Rick Lee]

I got a parking ticket in NYC, but it was totally bogus and the time written on the ticket was later than when I arrived to find the ticket. I had parked totally legally and was moving the car well before it became illegal. I wasn't going to be able to come back and fight it in court, so I did whatever their version of trial by declaration was. I made up a fake receipt on my office credit card machine and used it as proof that I was in Wash. DC at the time that ticket was written. It was dismissed. Yeah, I had to bend the law to keep them from winning by bending the law.

[Rtrorkt]

Originally Posted by Craig T

In 2006, coming back from Neptune's Net on PCH with my wife in her new 997S, still in paper plates, I may have been slightly exceeding the speed limit (just alleged speeding, and statute of limitations apply) . I was heading eastbound on Mulholland between Westlake and Kanan . Just past Westlake I looked up to see a CHP pointing a radar gun at us from outside his car. I looked in my mirror to see him hurrying back into the car to get me. Two weeks earlier we attended a charity event at one of the ranches on Mulholland. The driveway went back a couple hundred yards before getting to the security gate, and it was in the trees not visible from the road. That driveway was just around the next corner. I know you're say..."NO YOU DIDANT", but I did! My wife was FURIOUS I floored it around the corner and ducked into the driveway before the CHP came around the corner. As soon as I heard the CHP screaming by toward Kanan and around the next corner, I took off backtracking in the opposite direction, turned down Westlake and onto the 101 Fwy toward Ventura.

I kind of expected the Law to show up at my door, but it never happened.

similar story to Craig. Living in Mill Valley at the time. Late getting home from work. Rolling up Shoreline, as I pass the 7/11 I decide that no one is around, so hit the loud pedal. Come around a curve to see a local sitting on the side of the road pointing the other direction. Not a lot of space to turn around. Look in my mirror and see his lights go on. Two choices, pull over and wait or... So I keep my foot in it, turn up Loring and then left into my street, hit the garage opener hoping my wife had not parked her car in the way. Back in, door goes down, and I go upstairs to see the local cruising streets looking for the P car.

[wdfifteen]

Not really a fast one, more like a lucky accident. I bought a washer and dryer, TV, and mattress on 90 days same as cash terms from a local furniture and appliance place. The mattress had to be ordered. They said it would take a week. When I went back the following week to pick up the mattress, the store was locked. Showroom empty. The company had gone out of business. I waited for someone to let me know how/when to pay for the washer and dryer and TV, but no one ever contacted me. I never paid for them.

[Bob Kontak]

As a kid, broke into the junior high school with a pal over the weekend late night. Went in through the boiler room which was poorly secured. Gathered up all the teacher's paddles we knew of and placed them in a display case for a big look see on Monday morning.

We were out of control.

[masraum]

I have once managed to avoid a ticket. I had my old 911 up for sale, and was taking a work buddy to lunch because he'd never ridden in it. I pulled out onto a 4 lane road with a center turn lane and ran it up through 3rd gear which was about 95mph, IIRC (speed limit 45, I think). Right about that time, I noticed that going the other way was a tight group of cars, and in the outside lane, completely boxed in by the group was a police SUV of some sort. I looked up in the rearview and saw his brake lights and flashing lights come on. I was maybe 1/8 mile from a bend in the road and just around that bend was a shopping center with a couple of restaurants. I lifted for a sec, then when I realized that he was stuck until the other cars got out of the way, put the hammer back down, rounded the corner and ducked into the parking lot of the shopping center. I then found a spot between two large SUVs and pulled in and just sat there. My buddy was wondering what was going on. I explained it to him and he just laughed and said he did that sort of thing frequently (he had a Trans Am and a horrible driving record). The other two guys that were behind us in a Saturn eventually wandered up to the car and we went and had Bahn Mi. While we were eating I saw several police vehicles passing up and down the road out in front of the shopping center. We had a very sedate drive back to work, and that was the last time that I drove to lunch until after I sold the 911.

[stomachmonkey]

We got a new President of the company in.

I ran 3 interdependent departments who relied on several long time vendors.

These vendors were more like affiliated companies as we were their biggest client and their companies grew exponentially from our business which made them loyal to a fault.

I had standard pricing for our services that had not changed in years and the added value of the loyalty had tremendous value.

So new President decides he's going to get spending under control and calls me down one day to give me crap about a PO. He thinks it's too high and I know immediately he has no clue what this stuff should cost.

He tells me to get it lower so I cal the vendor and tell him to knock 10% off and I'll let him make it up somewhere else.

Couple of days later get called down to Presidents office again, same deal, PO is too high.

OK, I've got his number, I can see where this is going.

I go back to my office and call each of my loyal vendors because they'll be doing business with me longer than the new turd blossom will be occupying the corner office and tell them "Until I tell you otherwise when you send me a quote so I can get a PO I need you to send me two, one with the real cost, the second add on a random 15%-25%, don't ask why, all you need to know is it's in our mutual best interest"

From that day on I submitted the higher PO and as predicted turd blossom President would call me down, say it's too high, I'd take it and go wander the building, smoke a cigarette, chat up smokin hot Maria at reception or take a long lunch.

Then I'd go back to my office, grab the real quote and take it to him and make a big deal, "I beat the snot out of him on this one, look, 25% less" I was a frikken rock star as far as turd blossom was concerned.

Hated that idiot.

[fastfredracing]

I had just picked up a half pound of the mari ja heeney I It was winter time, and I jammed the weed into my ice skates, and covered them up with my dirty smelly ice skating socks . It was a Saturday night, and my buddy and I were supposed to meet up with 2 girls that we had met the weekend before
It was in an area that I was not familiar with.\ a, dumpy little town not to far from our own Dave Targa 911s here . Wampum Pa.
Well, the girls were a no show, so we had a sandwich, a beer, and headed for home .
Missed my turn, and pulled into a parking lot to do a u turn. Must have got the local po po's attention, because he came out of hiding, and followed us. Lit em up about a mile later . Said he pulled me for swerving. BS stop. I was younger and dumber and admitted to having a beer and a sandwich, so they got me out of the car for all the normal stupid human tricks . I passed the breathilizer, and also did the stupid human tricks flawlessly.
They booked me on suspicion of dui ( I was not ) While I was cuffed in the police car , they searched my car. I watched the officer remove all my belongings , including the ice skates full of weed from my car and set it all out on the curb. The other officer comes back and tells me that they found some marijuana ,and that I am also being booked on simple possession.
This is where I was smart. After this point, I clammed up, and answered no more questions . I did not know what they found, but I was pretty sure, that had nothing in the car, and I did not see them open up that ice skate.
At the police station, I still beat the breathilizer, but the guy was salty that I refused to talk any more, and still was going to try to make the charges stick .
So , I spend the night in lock up in the one room jailhouse , talk to the jail guard, who was somewhat slow , and at 7 am, they let me out .
My car was impounded, and they told me who towed it. I knew the guy, he towed cars to my place of work before .
I get there tell him what had justed happened, and he tells me what a douche the officer is . He charges me $50.00, and I get my car out. I am still not sure what amount of pot they found, and was surprised to find my half pound still intact inside my ice skate . Just because, I rolled a big fat doobie , and smoked it with the tow truck owner/impound lot guy, and we laughed about what an asshat that cop was .
I did have to go to court for the dui, but I beat that in court with a public defender. Twice I blew less than half the legal limit, and the small amount of marijuana he said he found was total bull****, and the charges for that never showed up on my docket .
I considered that my get out of jail free pass, and really cleaned up my act after this incident. I realized how close I came to big trouble.

[John Rogers]

As noted by quite a few.......we sure learn a lot when we have a close call, weather it is at work, in the service or driving that police magnet!

[Reiver]

Originally Posted by John Rogers

As noted by quite a few.......we sure learn a lot when we have a close call, weather it is at work, in the service or driving that police magnet!

As the saying goes....'I'd rather be lucky than smart'.....

[pavulon]

About 1983 or so I lived in NYC, was down on my luck but was still out there hustling! I had the good fortune to meet a some guys working the OJ futures market and lent them my street smarts. Well two of them turned out to be jerks so me and the other guy and this fiiine lady got our hands on a USDA crop report prior to its release. Daaammmnnn did we ever make that work for us!! Ever since then we've been living the good life in the Caribbean.

[HardDrive]

Similar experience, and oddly in my 997S.

Originally Posted by Craig T

In 2006, coming back from Neptune's Net on PCH with my wife in her new 997S, still in paper plates, I may have been slightly exceeding the speed limit (just alleged speeding, and statute of limitations apply) . I was heading eastbound on Mulholland between Westlake and Kanan . Just past Westlake I looked up to see a CHP pointing a radar gun at us from outside his car. I looked in my mirror to see him hurrying back into the car to get me. Two weeks earlier we attended a charity event at one of the ranches on Mulholland. The driveway went back a couple hundred yards before getting to the security gate, and it was in the trees not visible from the road. That driveway was just around the next corner. I know you're say..."NO YOU DIDANT", but I did! My wife was FURIOUS I floored it around the corner and ducked into the driveway before the CHP came around the corner. As soon as I heard the CHP screaming by toward Kanan and around the next corner, I took off backtracking in the opposite direction, turned down Westlake and onto the 101 Fwy toward Ventura.

I kind of expected the Law to show up at my door, but it never happened.

[aap1966]

I wanted to do a drive by of a house for sale before work, so left about 05:45.
Roads were pretty quiet before 6, I was on a big bike, you can see where this is going.....

Anyhow, divided road, cop going the other way, as I passed (at a fair clip) I saw his brake lights first, then the full lights, but he had to keep going for a bit before he could turn.

Long story short, I knew the back streets better than he did. Made it to work on time, but didn't get to look at the house that day.

[bickyd]

cmon.... the first rule of fight club.......