So I order a slingshot....

[vash]

I get an email notification the the thing shipped. It came with a warning attached. I don’t know if I’m extra sensitive, but I found it laugh out loud funny. I’m laying in bed, because I found out 1 and 4 will suffer side affects from the yellow fever vaccine. Lucky me! ( my bones ache )

Here is a cut and paste of the “owners manual or instructions”.

A MUST READ
Obligatory Warning.

Slingshots and slingshot shooting is dangerous. About the safest thing you can do with a slingshot is to leave it unbanded, store it in your closet, occasionally take it out to admire it and then put it back up.

However, if you do decide to actually use your slingshot then these numbered rules will help to keep you safer, although there is nothing specified or implied that will guarantee you will be safe even if you do follow these rules...

Rule number one, make sure you're an adult or you are using the slingshot only under close adult supervision. All the same safety rules that are commonly associated with the use of a firearm are applicable.

Rule number two, ALWAYS check your band set, pouch and connections to make sure they are all in perfect working order. If there is even the smallest imperfection change out your band set to one that has no cuts, tears, holes or other problems. Then stress check your attachments to make sure there is no slippage or other undesired movement.

Rule number three, ALWAYS wear safety glasses. Slingshots use rubber and or natural latex compounds... Due to naturally occurring variances, there are NO guarantees either specified or implied about how long a band set will last before failure... no one can tell you how long a band set will last before it breaks... and they ALL fail at some point. SO always be safe, if you're going to shoot with a slingshot, wear safety glasses and always check your band sets and attachments before EVERY shot. If it is not perfect, put a new one on.

Rule number four, NEVER aim your slingshot at someone or something that you do not want killed or destroyed. Slingshots are capable of inflicting serious injury or even death with even the "lightest" of band and ammo setups.
Treat slingshots the same way you would treat a loaded gun.

Rule number five, before EVERY shot make sure there is no damage to your slingshot itself. If there is any damage including but not limited to: cracks, dents, scrapes, breaks, or any other signs of damage, DO NOT use the slingshot without thorough testing being done by a competent professional first... and even after testing always use the slingshot in a cautious manner.

Rule number six, you are shooting at your own risk. We already recommended the safest course of action is to keep the slingshot on a shelf in your closet and to never use it... if you do decide to shoot even after we recommend differently... then refer to rules number 1 - 5 as reference for a possible safer way to accomplish that.

[mreid]

Is this for the gophers or the root ball?

Actually, other than a band breaking and taking out an eye which is fairly common, the biggest risk to life and property is ricochets. Ball bearings are the worst.

[vash]

I was deadly as a kid. Using a wrist rocket.

I just want one.

[john70t]

In today's litigious society, there have been major lawsuits against companies for far lesser things than a potential weapon.
It's just CYA. Good for them. Don't stick fork in eyeball or you may go blind.
Still too "wordy" and needs simplified plain language.

[vash]

I enjoyed the sarcasm.

[mreid]

Hidden in the sarcasm is legalese for “we’re not responsible if you kill or damage yourself or anyone else”.

You'll shoot your eye out

[scottmandue]

I am kinda disappointed