Mentoring Young Boys / Teenagers................

[asphaltgambler]

So.......... for a quite a while I've felt the need to 'give back'. As in; personally, my work experiences, automotive knowledge and skills, life's ups and downs to the younger set.

My belief is that I have been called at least in part to do these things. Currently the 'crop' has been from our non-denominational church. There are some young people there that are interested in cars, Hot Rods, muscle cars, etc - believe it or not.

I invite them to my home, my garage and ask them what is it they would like to learn? What are ( if any) burning questions. I have them make a short list on paper and we share those questions between each other as a learning tool and to see where they are.

My garage is a 3 car, having all the amenities that a professional / commercial shop would have but for a lift. In it sits: our 85 Targa, our Rat Rod project that is the current money maker, a '69 Caddy hearse in the rear, vintage JD 430 lawn tractor that needs some love, motorcycles, etc. In other words, if you are an adolescent / teenager - it's Disneyland - or should be.

As an added 'bonus' I tell them it's like going to college when they come here. College costs.........but - I will share everything I know, my home, my garage, tools, everything to help them. In addition - I do pay them, not a lot, but at the end of every day - something as I think it's important there is some cabbage in their pocket for work done.

How it works: I have them help me and I direct them, show them what needs completed on a particular project which could be any of the above. I have them evaluate what is the issue, the resolve, let them take over. I showed them how to use impact tools, all types of air powered tools, what / the difference in metric vs SAE.

Overall, I try to be light hearted as that's my nature, make it fun and interesting to them and also a genuine learning experience.

BUT - I am very frustrated by all of it 6 months in

A)First guy; 19, came from a broken home, no dad lasted just 2 days. Made excuses why he could'nt come 'to work'
B) Second guy never shows, responds to texts
C) Third pair - brothers - 12 / 15 come from a very good environment, have good character, very good kids.............except...........

Everything's too hard, too complicated, they can't do it, it's too hot, how long will this take............can we have some extra water, can we pet your dog.......

I'm very frustrated, especially after this past Saturday as they clearly weren't into it. They DO like hanging out with me (their words)

Any advice? I'm getting nothing done, they're half into it currently at best, I'm not sure if I'm going to continue. As a matter of fact I'm taking a break for the next few Saturdays.................................

I know its for them, sacrifice for me.............I get that. It seems to me though no one really wants to learn by doing.

[Baz]

Sounds like your students don't have their hearts in it. If that's the case, you need different students.

Kudos to you for having your heat in absolutely the right place.

[asphaltgambler]

Initially, all of them are gung-ho in the beginning................until the actual work begins. Which I get. I tell them that building a Hot Rod, restoring an old car is a lot of work, very un-glamorous and tedious but all worth it in the end. It's a process, a journey.

Just like learning to play a difficult song on your guitar, it takes a lot of work.

[RKDinOKC]

The saying is...You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it mow your lawn.

Sounds to me like you might be dumping projects on them too much to quickly.
Start by just having them hand you the tools, clean and put them away, clean the shop.
Explain what you are doing and why.
Start them dong wrenching by taking things apart or off the car.
When you do have them put something back together help them doit, don't assign it as a task.
\

[dad911]

I've mentored a HS robotics team, over 12 years, let go reluctantly a few years ago.

Times have changed. In the scenario you described, It's too easy for one to claim injury (real or imagined) If they are at your house, your tools, job, your insurance may not cover you. We were also trained NEVER to be alone with a student that is not your own child........

I applaud you for wanting to give back. It's rewarding.

[sammyg2]

When I was a yute, my parents decided it would be a good idea to reach out to the local boys home and try to help the underprivileged.
They brought home a kid for the weekend that was the same age as my oldest brother, probably 12 at the time.
I had three brothers, 2 of them older. They figured that having the kid in a good environment with positive examples and influences would help.

Long story longer, within a few hours the little effer snuck away and broke a neighbor's window and broke into their home and got our family into trouble.
my parents had to pay the neighbor for damages and back then there was no extra money.
So that was the end of that.

be careful.

[asphaltgambler]

Yes, all of those things we have discussed. I usually ask one of our Pastors, a big beefy guy kinda like a Teddy bear, but no nonsense either. He's very 'street'. He says more often then not, things don't work out. But keep trying if you feel that need.

[quicksix]

My experience,
I don't expect anything from helping.
For every ten you start with, maybe one or two will stick.
Of those that stick, you will make a significant impact on their lives.
Keep doing what you are doing, the right ones will come along.

I will also add,
I call them once,set up a time and place.
If they don't show or follow the rules, I move on.

[Seahawk]

Let me first echo those that applaud you for trying - well done.

We have a HS intern program and our success rate is about 50% that the young person makes it through the summer. For our college interns it is 95% since we team with the universities and there is a lot of pressure on the kids to stay engaged from their peers.

We have also asked a few leave due to attitude or laziness.

We had to change our insurance, make sure has others have said that there is no one-on-one alone time, establish a training program, etc.

Again, great on you for trying and I understand your frustration!

[look 171]

I get excited in all things involving construction wince I was about 14 or 15. A couple years after of college, I took a job at a woodshop/construction/ architecture teacher at a local high school. I had a huge learning curve on how to get young people excited in the field.

I failed horribly the first year, not because I didn't know my subject, but how the young minds work.

Their attention span is about a long as a goldfish.

They have no ownership in working for you. If they brought in their own car, that would be a difference story. In the beginning, I had them work on repairs of various furnitures and such for other teachers just like in auto shop, they repair other teacher's cars. I lost them within the first two weeks. They didn't even have phone then around 1998. I ask the old timer auto shop teacher about a few students who were rebuilding this monster 350. They were really into it. Daily they were full of grease up to their eyeballs climbing into the engine bay doing stuff. He said, the others aren't really interested and are just here, but the bunch there are hardcore are building their own engine for themselves.

I found that kids just don't really want to problem solve anymore. If its not on tube, they really have no interest

[DWBOX2000]

I took up volunteering coaching little kids wrestling last year. Ages range from 7 - 11. I don't think modern kids are any lazier than we were. Some are lazy and some aren't, just like adults.

Simple rules I go by:
Keep it fun.
Don't embarrass anyone.
Give occasional breaks.
Tell them questions are encouraged and that they are likely helping others in the group when they ask questions.
Patience, patience, patience
Keep an eye on them, don't let them dig themselves to big a hole.
Ask them about other things in their lives, I think it lets them know you care about them as a person.
Be aware of their back grounds. Some kids have more difficult lives than others.

Sound like you are already doing what I would do. So Just do your best and what will be, will be.

Best of luck, your intentions are great.

[VincentVega]

Seems like a tough mix of work and learn. I would try to focus on one or the other, might be asking too much for both. Also, not sure how many kids have interest in vintage stuff. You might try to get a few wins with simple, basic stuff geared towards a younger set. Each kid will have their own ideas of what is cool/interesting. It only works if they get interested, not if you get your work done. Right?

[asphaltgambler]

I asked them what they're doing this Summer. Both said "Sleeping, hanging out at their pool, ..................that was it. I said,- "Wow - how do I get a gig like that?"

The number 1 irritant to me is lack-O- motivation. I really try to cater to them though, streaming 60's music - which they love, especially The Monkees - believe it or not while we 'work'

[VincentVega]

Brings back memories. I started as a helper and he listened to the oldies station, then it was 50's-60's. I still know most of those tunes from working there. Looking back he helped me a lot, but man did I screw up a lot too. He's toss me under a dash and I was a great brake bleeder. It was fun to find the leak in the air system or learn how to take apart, clean and lube just about any little thing. Impact, hose reel... whatever to learn something. I didnt realize it was work until I was covered in grime and sweaty.

Also, I got paid/bonus in tools. Might be something to think about. A small, cheap box, screw driver set, basic sockets... some stuff is plain cheap from HF. I still use some of those tools today.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by RKDinOKC

The saying is...You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it mow your lawn...
\

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't lead a stubborn ol' mule

[wayner]

If they have had a work ethic they have no endurance

If they don’t endure, they fail

Star small tasks that take much less time than they have
Do a simple task together, pop a soda, pet the dog and lesson through interesting story time

Gradually increase the length of time and complexity

The ones that want to stick it out will self select

[1990C4S]

I limit my 'mentoring' to hiring college students in technical roles four months at a time. I have three co-ops right now.

Show up for work and get paid. Do good work and get hired on full time after you graduate. Maybe have career where you make good money. Or not.

The students decide which way it's gonna be, not me...

[LWJ]

I really loved being a Boy Scout leader. I was there for my son. But there were at least three boys who didn't seem to have adult male role models around. I could feel their eyes studying me and the other male leaders in all we did. They were like sponges. They wanted to learn to be men.

It was humbling to realize that these boys so valued what I considered simply routine daily activities and behaviors.

Even worse? I dropped one of these boys off at his house after a camp out. His mom says "was my son horribly behaved?" It seems she expected him to be bad. I responded what a complete delight he had been. They boy was a little ADD and had some excessive energy but he was a great kid.

That was maybe 5 years ago and it saddens me that his mom automatically assumed he was a behavior problem.

Summary: kids need help and guidance. Don't give up.

[KFC911]

^^^^ I am enjoying this thread....all you guys...pretty awesome

[asphaltgambler]

Some good feedback..........thanks. Since posting this thread, discussing it with my wife - I think a lot of kids today are not lazy, but lack the environment that I(most of us) grew up in where if you wanted something you worked for it. Even at 12 or so, I got my "Kid Hustle" on. Which is exactly how I describe it to all of them.

With limited skills, transportation, resources figure out what you can do to make money, be self sufficient, do something positive with your time - it's rewarding.

At 12 and 15 this translates (for them in this case) to mowing, weed-eating, cleaning, etc. Then I encourage them to develop skills where they excel. I tell them everyone starts somewhere, the beginning, make it count.

Possibly they are too young, especially at 12 for this pair - they have great parents but they're not 'pushing' them so to speak to do some work during their free time this Summer.

I do have work to do, they understand that. I stress that there is a lot to do, but more important that we do each small job at a time, understand why and how - I don't care how long it takes.

After thinking about this, I'm taking a break for a few Saturday's from them - while I gather my thoughts and decide about how to move forward.