How NOT To Rebuild a 915 Tranny - Day ??

[Wrecked944]

This installment in the "Wrench Klutz Mechanically Declined Guide To Automotive Despair" is presented out of sequence because of technical difficulties (surprise, surprise, right?) with the digicam (i.e. Klutzcam). So this episode had to wait until pictures of the series star (WrongTül) could be posted. Oddly enough, IRL (In Real Life) this all happened quite a while ago and the tranny rebuild project is nearly complete. With the patient and generous help of the Pelican-heads, the gear shafts are now fully repaired and ready for re-assembly and will soon be installed back into the car (fingers crossed).

A Tale of Two Tools
(Subtitle: How To Spend 8 Hours Removing One Nut)

Here are two options for removing the 27mm castellated nut at the end of the input shaft..

OPTION #1 – Use The Wrong Tool For The Job
TIME: 8 Hours

1) Begin by misunderstanding the advice to use a clutch disc to secure your input shaft.

2) Once you have fully misunderstood this advice, begin designing a tool which will somehow incorporate a clutch disc and will also lock the input shaft in place. Yes, I'm not kidding. We not only used the wrong tool for the job, we actually DESIGNED and FABRICATED it. Now once you have a suitably rediculous plan in mind, go to Home Depot and purchase some nuts, bolts, washers, and steel tubing. It is especially important that you avoid using metric hardware for this project – especially if your tools are all metric (since, of course, you work on Porsches). This guarantees that you will not only design and fabricate the wrong tool for the job – but you will also be using the wrong tools to perform the fabrication. Here is a picture of our results following this procedure.



Once we realized the magnitude of our incredibly stupid mistake, we affectionately dubbed this contraption "WrongTül". You should not feel bound to follow our lead. It is only offered as an example. You should instead feel free to design your own, special, wrong tool that fits your unique personality and needs. However, for purposes of illustration, I shall go forward using WrongTül as an example.

3) Once you have assembled your WrongTül and mounted it in the incorrect position inside the transmission housing, have a friend secure it in place using various hand tools. These should be considered "one-use" tools since they will all get bent. This will help ensure that using WrongTül actually increases rather than decreases the amount of human effort required to get the job done.

4) Once WrongTül is secured, place a 27mm or 28mm socket onto the castellated nut. We used a 28mm socket because our calipers were (unknown to us) bent. And while this 28mm socket removed the nut, it also totally stripped the nut. A 27mm socket would have produced the same results without destroying the nut. But hey, it's your call.

5) Attach a four foot cheater bar to the end of your socket wrench. This should give you loads of torque and allow you to bend every hand tool you use in Step #3 – including (but not limited to) Craftsman screwdrivers, Husky combo wrenches, and Snap On cold forged steel punches. NOTE: When returning your bent tools to the Snap On dealer for replacement, be sure to refer to them as "weak-a$$ed" tools. They just LOVE to hear that.

6) Once you find that your four foot cheater bar is too strong for WrongTül to handle alone, try using your remaining bolts, nuts, washers, and steel tubing to bolt the transmission down to your workbench. You will find a hole placed in an ideal location just above the serial number on the bottom of the tranny.

7) Repeat Step #5 until you hear a horrible SNAPPING sound. This will be followed by an explosion of nuts, bolts, washers, broken tool parts, sockets and other metal parts flying at supersonic speeds all around the room. If you weren't wearing safety glasses and you still have two functioning eyes, try putting those glasses on now. Okay?

8) Now take your fingers and turn the castellated nut until it comes off. Oh sure, laugh at us for spending 8 hours using our goofy WrongTül. But in the end IT WORKED TO SPEC. Muhahaha...

OPTION #2 – Use The Right Tool For The Job
TIME: 6 Seconds

1) Place a 27mm socket on your impact wrench.
2) Place the business end of the 27mm socket on the castellated nut.
3) Press the trigger.

[Jamie79SC]

Janus,

Great stuff. Perhaps you could write "101 %$*#'d-up Projects for your Porsche". If so, I'd like to get an autographed copy as soon as it's avaialble. I'm sure Wayne would carry it as well.

[Steve F]

A most Excellent adventure

[Rot 911]

Another tip, don't be drinking soda while reading this post. It's amazing how much diet coke you can snort out thru your nose.

[jwetering]

That story made my day bud... hillari - FKN - ous !

[Jim Sims]

Janus, Don't feel too bad. My son and I considered the "wrong method" and even went so far as to mock it up with a used clutch disk, bolts, nuts and tension links (wrenches). However, some observation and mental calculation led me to conclude there were some very bad forces and moments lurking in the set-up (images of snapping magnesium bell housing ears and flying wrenches came to mind). We then proceeded to simulataneously engage two gears in the transmission (per the Haynes manual) to lock it up to resist the nut loosening and tightening torques. Cheers, Jim

[Joeaksa]

Grasshopper,

You are progressing nicely with your lesson.

Remember that day two is "if all else fails, the cutting torch is your friend and ally"....

Day three is "there are few issues in life that are not suitably corrected with a small piece of C-4 explosive"...

JA

[Brian Cameron]

WrongTül deserves a place in an eBay auction.

Be sure to specify a hefty reserve price.

As a favour to purchaser throw in detailed instructions for use.

[APKhaos]

Janus, you are both gifted and honest beyond imagining. I'm ROTFL both with your post and the many secret adventures that most of us have had by ignoring the AhHa reflex.

Old eng prof of mine always reminded us: For every complex design problem there will be several solutions which are simple, elegant, and wrong. [but much more adventurous than the righ tone].

Thanks man - I'm still smilin!

[A Quiet Boom]

OMG, ROTFLMAO!

I can't tell you how many times I've been in a situation like that, when in doubt use a bigger hammer LOL. Thanks for the laugh

[Wrecked944]

Thanks very much for the encouraging and supportive replies. I must admit this tranny project has left me feeling a little guilty since I have taken so much excellent advice from you guys and yet I have virtually no useful information to offer in return. So in order to return the good karma, I literally figured, "If I can't give good advice, then I might as well give bad advice and use it to spread a few chuckles." So if it made ya laugh, then think of it as my way of saying "THANKS A ZILLION" for helping me out so much. Despite the silly posts, the project really is on the glide path to success and no-one is more amazed than myself.

[douglas robbins]

That story is hilarious!

Douglas

[82SC]

awesome

[IROC]

Originally posted by Jamie79SC
Janus,

Great stuff. Perhaps you could write "101 %$*#'d-up Projects for your Porsche". If so, I'd like to get an autographed copy as soon as it's avaialble. I'm sure Wayne would carry it as well.

I could add a couple of chapters to this book. Alabama Region PCA guys might remember some of the stories I used to write for Sudwind.... Not pretty.

Mike

[Wil Ferch]

I spit up my coffee right on the computer screen....never drink while reading....LOL !


---Wil Ferch

[Dantilla]

Kinda makes me glad I went with:

1- Remove Engine/Tranny from car.
2- Split tranny from engine.
3- Bring tranny and checkbook to someone who knows what they're doing.

Thanks for the laughs.

[Wayne 962]

Electric impact wrenches are about $180. A very good investment...

-Wayne

[Kevin G.]

Great piece of work, Janus

Thanks!

[911pcars]

Janus,
You forgot the high fives and beers at step 9.

Nice writing job.

Sherwood Lee
http://members.rennlist.org/911pcars

[lowyder993s]

I didn't know Dave Barry had a Porsche...great read!!!