Oil Change

[alan911]

How the Wife does it.

1) Pull up to WALMART TIRE & LUBE EXPRESS when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 30 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00

***********************************************
The Porsche Oil Change

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter (made in Germany), kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.

2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00,
drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 13mm box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; open deck lid, hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16) Lift out dripping oil filter dripping oil on heat exchangers from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work.

18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it to recycle.

19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

21) Walk to 7 - 11; buy beer.

22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug.

27) Drink beer

28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties.. Wash drain plug in lawn mower gas.

29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

39) Drink beer.

31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on Oil soaked exchangers.

32) Bang head on muffler in reaction to step 31.

33) Begin cussing fit.

34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss August in the left boob.

36) Beer.

37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

38) Beer.

39) Beer

40) Dump in several fresh quarts of oil.

41) Beer.

42) Lower car from jack stands.

43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.

44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23-43.

45) Beer.

46) Test drive car.

47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

48) Car gets impounded.

49) Call loving wife, make bail.

50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total -- $4615.00

The value of knowing the job was done right and no stranger touched the Porsche! - Priceless !

[Tim Polzin]

Originally posted by alan911
Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

LOL, one of the funniest ones I've read all week. Thanks!

Tim

[JR Indy]

Alan,

The 12 step process is not enough for you!! Funny post though. What kind of beer do you drink? I'm looking for another investment.

[MY83SC]

Dayum...If the entire scenerio didn't happen to me! WINK!!!