How to tell.....

How to tell if you’re driving like an idiot:


1. You’ve got the seat leaned so far back you can barely see over the dashboard.

2. You’ve got the rear-view mirrors turned toward YOU so you can check your makeup (or your hair).

3. You think all the traffic signs are for everybody ELSE to read.

4. The last time you used your turn signal was when that cop was right behind you.

5. You assume that because you’re on your cell phone, everybody else will get out of your way.

6. You assume that because you’re driving a $50,000 SUV everybody else will get out of your way.

7. Hell, you assume everybody else will get out of your way, period.

8. You’re so busy (talking on the phone, eating, drinking, reading, yelling at the kids, whatever) you don’t notice your exit until you’re right on top of it-so you suddenly swerve across 3 lanes of traffic because it’s too much trouble to go down to the next exit and turn around.

9. You have absolutely no concept of how to wait your turn at a 4-way stop.

10. You think a yellow light means “speed up.”

11. You change lanes by swerving suddenly, then show the finger to the car that had to stand on the brakes to avoid hitting you…because he was already IN that lane.

12. You think “MERGE” means either: Stop in the middle of the road and wait for a nice, clear break in traffic to magically appear just for you-OR: Floor it and ignore your mirrors.

13. Your stereo is so loud people in the next zip code can identify the song by the bass line.

14. You tailgate the truck that’s only doing 10 over in the fast lane for miles before you finally realize it’s got red and blue lights on it…..and a couple of antennas…….. and a spotlight.

15. You zoom past a long line of cars in the next lane and try to cut your way in the front of the line…and then get pissed because nobody will let you in.

16. You early apex.

17. You pull out in front of somebody and then take your sweet old time getting up to speed…and then floor it and run the yellow because you’re in such a hurry.

18. You drive around in circles for minutes in the parking lot, then fight over a parking spot close to the door, because you don’t want to walk so far……to aerobics class.

I'm sure I've missed a few...feel free to chime in.

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Clay McGuill '66 912, '97 Jeep Cherokee www.geocities.com/the912guy

Don't forget - You swerve into the left lane, drop your speed by 10 mph & relax because now you're in the FAST LANE!!!!

So, Clay, just what part of metro Detroit DO you live in?

What? A yellow light doesn't mean speed up??

I'm tolorant of most of these, and drive observant and defensivly.

It's their world I'm just pass'n through, but #15 really gets me.

The lights are so out of time at one intersection after getting off I-10 I usually have to wait five or six cycles to get through. After a ten minute wait and getting close some yahoo in a Ford F-650, four door pick-up, tandum axles, fifteen antennas, but no radio, and the little boy peeing on something or someone, comes crusing down and cuts infront. I gusess it my lane, but it his road. I hold my ground. I want some ones insurance company to buy me turbo flares.

You are in the right lane doing 10 under the limit, when you come up on a car doing 11 under the limit. You move into the passing lane and continue at 10 under the limit for the next seven miles until you finally pass the slower car. You don't want to get too close to that slower car so you drive another three miles in the left lane to give yourself plenty of clearance. All of this while 78 cars line up behind you.
David
P.S.I have a system devised to correct stupidity. Every car will have a gun that shoots suction cup darts and 5 darts. You shoot your darts and they stick to the idiot's car. If your car has 5 darts stuck to it, any cop can stop you and give you a ticket for $1,000 with absolutely no recourse. The darts are time and date stamped with your individual number. If you shoot all your darts at one time you get fined $1,000. This prevents road rage and jealous fits. It will be just like basketball. Someone with 4 darts on the car will change their behavior. Only cops have the tool for removing the darts.