Let me help you avoid being an idiot - by showing you how I am one
 

I picked my bumper up at the paint shop today. It is perfect.

All I wanted to do tonight was to put it on so I could drive my precious Porsche tomorrow.

So I dig in and start putting everything back together. I hadn't reattached the AC condensor etc... so I took care of that first. Then the valance and the new smile.

I was ready for the bumper. I attached the chunk of aluminum that goes on the right side. Then grabbed the lights.

Idiot move #1 - Can't put the lights on with the aluminum plate in place. Off it came.

Install outer set of lights. Re-install aluminum plate.

Hold bumper up to car and realize the inner lights can't go on with that damn plate in the way either.

So off it comes again.

Now I can attach the inner lights. I hoist the bumper up to align it with he bolts and notice that I forgot to install the headlight washer tubing & nozzles. Sheesh.

Guess what? My Oeketer clamp tool won't fit the clamp WITH THE LIGHTS installed. So I have to remove the inner lights and that damn aluminium plate again.

Lights back in, plate back on. Ready? Yes.

I maneuver the bumper in to place. Looks good. Bolts on, smile lines up nicely. I'm happy.

Until I realize I didn't attach the right side bolt for the valance. Guess what's in the way? The aluminum plate (not a problem on the left side of the car). So off comes the bumper AGAIN. Although this time just partially...just far enough to reach that bolt and install it.

Now I'm feeling good. Bumper bolts back in. I dink with the rubber strip and can't figure out how to get it to slide on without the little clippy things rotating and popping off. I give up after awhile figuring I'd post here for a technique and move on to my bellows.

I test fit the bellow and sheetmetal on the left side and it looks good.

Then to the right...

Guess what? I forgot that the right side bellow CAN"T BE INSTALLED AFTER THE BUMPER IS ON THE CAR. It has to be attached to the bumper BEFORE THE DAMN ALUMINUM PLATE!

By this time I'm too frustrated and too tired. I, for the first time in the evening make a SMART move and decide to go to bed.

If you remove your bumper to replace your smile or get it painted or whatever, remember to come back and re-read this post so you can avoid being an idiot.

Goodnight.

Ah, the frustration of working on these cars when you are tired. At least you didn't hurt yourself or the painted parts!

Smart move knowing when to call it a night! Better luck tomorrow!

You are still just in the minor league of idiocy. If you want to work your way up to the majors, do what I did, reinstall your engine and forget to install the starter ring gear!

I have three repair manuals in front of me whenever I do anything, because I know that if I am left to my own devices I will wind up making a huge mess of it. I also never ever try anything when I am tired... I am too afraid of ending up with a car on my head...
I think knowing you are a clutz helps in this situation

That's why I have a Bentley AND the Haynes manual open when I do anything... extra diagrams, pics and descriptions.

I've had situations where the Haynes was correct and the Bentley was wrong.

I've found problems with just the Bentley, just the Haynes, and certainly problems using just my brain.

Great Thread Title..........I don't think there is enough time and space on this forum for all of us to tell our idiot stories......it would be much longer than the "OIL" thread. But thanks to PP Forum we can mitigate our insanity!!!!!!

Great Post.

Oh Lord Rot. . . . I feel your pain. . .How about finally completing a build, installing and feeling all proud. . . then looking around and notice the pickup tube (for a 454) still lying on the ground. . . .front crossmember giving major interference for pulling the pan off. :rolleyes:

thank God I saw it before firing it up!!!

I hope you drank heavily after you were done.

you don't really need that aluminum plate.

lol, that's cruel

Unfortunately, John, I feel like I do. I have a sickness (one of several I have) about keeping this car original. That means if Porsche put it on then so do I. ;)

I am curious, however, about what it's really for. My assumption is that its intended to extend the bumper to provide crash protection to the aux oil cooler. My guess is a fender bender in that area without it would more likely result in a BP style oil spill than without.

I was too tired for that. LOL!

Frustrating experience but I'm pretty certain I would have gouged the freshly painted bumper with a screw driver while mounting the license plate bracket AFTER going through your install process. That's the way I roll :)

Thanks, I need all the help I can get...;] Bruce

Agreed, but for whatever reason I put it back on after I repainted my targa's bumper. Man, is it annoying tightening those rubber bellow nuts one lonely flat at a time because of that plate. It's the epitome of what my dad would say represents "a slow boat to China."

Brian

x038F,

D@#n that's a good looking car.

I went through the same ritual a while ago, took the bumper off so I could take the valence off to install my front spoiler.

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1276188388.jpg

You guy's are talking about this?

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1276188629.jpg

I asked myself the very same question when I took mine off, what is it for? counterweight?:confused:

I think it's there to protect the oil cooler area in case of an impact event.

Brian

Fortunately I _was_ smart enough to tape off and cover all painted surfaces with rags to protect myself from this... so far...

BTW, the WHOLE reason I'm doing this project is because:

1. Bumper had a scratch when I bought the car in 1997.
2. I left it alone until about a year ago when I decided to replace my 'clear bra' which had aged yellow
3. Decided to get scratch fixed and my guy was able to do it without removing bumper
4. Had clear bra re-installed.
5. The material he applied was defective so he came back out to re-do
6. When he pulled the new stuff off it pulled the fresh paint with it causing a HORRIBLE mess that was FAR worse than the original scratch
7. That mess required the bumper to be pulled to be repaired correctly.

So this really is just an ongoing comedy of errors. I will slit my wrists if I end up damaging the paint in reassembling this. :D

I feel your pain brotha! - but you paid some tuition in the school of P-cars for a lot of students here (count me of course). Like some others, I have the hanyes and Bentley handy too, with the PET katalog, and along notes from here from posts (Help) like yours.

I'm glad you stopped - that was smart - I've messed stuff up when I work frustrated by my pig-headed-ness.

Your car is nice looking and I liked the wheel well details from your other thread.

Helped me already
 

When I got my car, it was partially disassembled. That piece is one that I haven't before been able to identify. Now I know where it goes!

Thanks; I'm glad my pain helps others.

Yesterday I had a small victory and another bone headed move:

I am super glad I stopped the other night because yesterday afternoon when I got back in the garage and SLOWLY approached pulling the bumper back off and doing it right I discovered that I had ALSO failed to install my license plate mount clips in the valence and the bolt clips for the rubber strip. If I would have stayed up, frustrated, I probably would be doing it all over ONCE AGAIN. I couldn't complete the job yesterday but I did make good progress and with the exception of ONE rubber washer I don't think I'll have any parts left over :-).

My bone-head move of the day: When I got home yesterday the garage door where I park my DD was up & my daughter's car parked in front of it. I had already hit my garage door button on my way down the driveway and once I saw I couldn't park in my spot I hit the button again stopping the garage door about 1/3 of the way down.

I parked in my wife's stall and went to get dressed for the event we needed to go to last night. When we were back in the garage getting ready to leave it was pouring rain. I grabbed an unbrella for my wife to put in my car and I was walking out of the garage (in my stall; the one where I had partially closed the garage door) checking the umbrella out.

WHAM! I walked right into that garage door. Holy-Frak! Two thoughts went through my head

1. Frak that hurt!
2. Damn, I can't blame the kids for leaving the garage door like that!

I now look like a unicorn due to the bump and gash dead center in my bald forehead.

Ouch, been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Again I hope you drank heavily after you were done. Maybe you should stay away from power tools just in case. Bad things come in threes.
Be well.

It is done.

I am quite proud of myself, particularly for the fact that I don't have ANY parts left over :-)

Took these this morning. After I completed the job last night I treated myself with a loooong & fast drive and a dinner by myself (my wife was out with girlfriends). Hence the bugs all over the front...

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4013/...6b0d588d_b.jpg

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4035/...0b90241b_b.jpg

Stunning. Can I use those pics to sell my car? ;)

LOL! I agree, it is stunning. I really, really do enjoy everything about it.

I needed coffee this morning. I could have just gone up the street to the SBUX that's 5 min away. Instead I drove to one about 30 miles away...via the interstate with practically no-one on it. Zoom, zoom.

X, your car looks awesome.. I have the same blue. This week I had a minor accident and damaged the front chin spoiler and balance... I was thinking about replacing it with the FSR Euro Style Front Spoiler... Any thoughts?? Also what size of rear wheel and tire are you using??? It looks great!!

I completely agree! I truly enjoy it.

I'm running the original 15x7 & 15x8 wheels that came on the car (they were an option). They are wearing 205/55 F and 225/50 R.

This is my understanding as well. The first time I removed the bumper it went into a box and has stayed there ever since.