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cruiksdr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: Kalamazoo, MI
Posts: 271
Jag humor from the XKE Croud

This is why we drive the cars we do

The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

* "And the Lord said 'let there be light'...Joseph Lucas replied 'no way, Lord, no way'."

* Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim" sudden, unexpected darkness".

* Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

* Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

* The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

* The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.

* "I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob..."

* If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

* Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

* It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

* Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"

* Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.

* Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

* Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too.

* Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

* Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant."

* Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

* Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices.
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'73 914-6 3.0SC
'69 Jaguar XKE
'05 Colorado Crew Cab
Old 01-05-2005, 07:50 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Midtown Memphis originaly from Pass a grille
Posts: 140
As a former MG owner I can relate...
Now what's really scary is that a great deal of the electronic infrastructure( wire runs ,circuit breakers ect) of many "fly-by-wire" Airbus aircraft is manufactured by Lucas..
Old 01-06-2005, 02:50 AM
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Autobahn Garage
 
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Location: Ohio
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I saw a bumper sticker on a Jaguar that said: Honk if anyting falls off: LOL. Daniel I hope to see you at the next PCA meeting.

TAB
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76, 911s w/ Webers
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Old 01-06-2005, 04:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by tab tanner
I saw a bumper sticker on a Jaguar that said: Honk if anyting falls off: LOL. Daniel I hope to see you at the next PCA meeting.

TAB
Hey Tab! When and where is it?? I looked in the Dec Der Ruk and didn't see it announed.

Thanks!
Daniel
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'73 914-6 3.0SC
'69 Jaguar XKE
'05 Colorado Crew Cab
Old 01-06-2005, 07:13 AM
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Autobahn Garage
 
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Posts: 1,546
I'll call you with the details
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76, 911s w/ Webers
76, 914/4
57, Speedster
Old 01-06-2005, 11:40 AM
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