OT - Talking to some Ricers last nite.....very funny!!

[944S Boyeee]

So, I'm at the local "Rubber Duck" carwash taking some road grit off the bottom of the 944 when the "Rice Crew" shows up. Now, normally, these guys hang out at this particular carwash every nite - so, I thought I was safe in going there just after supper.

There were only two of them at first. One yellow CRX with the plain yellow window banner and lots of crome (only mildly Ricey) and a blue Civic Hatchback with the works!! It had the window banner, fart-can tip, double racing strip up and over the whole car, black front headlights and rear Altezz (sp?) lights. At least an 8 on the Rice scale.

As I'm wiping off the water spots on my car, I decide to open the hood so I can clean up some slime from an old slight power steering fluid leak. I also figured this would draw the Ricers over so they could see what a real engine looks like. Not a bite. They pretended that I wasn't even there, and I was like 4 feet away from them. I racked this up to them being intimidated by the "older Porsche guy" (I'm only 30) - I'm sure they figured I wanted nothing to do with them and their "cheap lil' cars". I know when I was like 18-20 and I saw a guy in a Porsche, I wouldn't just walk up to him and start talking, especially if I was driving a Rice-mobile. But, little did they know, I wanted to - for at least this one nite - embrace the Rice world. I'm curious as to what these FreakyDinks are thinking.

So, I keep drying my car and doing the engine thing and eventually ask the fella in the Blue Civic if I can borrow a rag to "just wipe off some left over water spots". He jumped up out of his car so fast to get me that rag, I thought he was going to hurt himself. Think about it - these lil' fellas do all they are able to make their lil' shiznitboxes look faster - so when given the chance to talk with someone who ACTUALLY has a fast car, he jumped at it like Bill Clinton on a passed out hooker. His attitude went from, "I have no time for you" to "Here you go sir, what else may I do for you?" as soon as I spoke to him. Was very neat.

Once I was "in" - the fella in the yellow CRX came over and took a peek at the 944S engine. His eyes were like a kid on X-mas morning. It was at this point I started talking "Rice". Don't know how it happened, but it was like I actually lost about 25-30% of my brain function. I was all like, "Well, I plan on getting a bigger exhaust" (note - I just said "Bigger" - no actual reasoning behind it - just "Bigger"). They were all into it. I said I wanted to put a chip in it - this kinda confused them a bit. I then said, "I need more air intake". This opened up the big can of Rice, because their hoods came up!!!!! I guess I needed to speak their language ("more air intake") in order to get them to "open up".

It was, without a doubt, one of the funniest things I've ever seen. The yellow CRX had a somewhat big air filter and a pipe, but nothing compared to the Blue Civic. When he opened up his hood, all I could see was this shiney, HUGE blue pipe attached to this air filter the size of my head (and I have a big head). I was totally taken back by the size of the engine in a Civic. You could put another engine in there. It's even smaller than the engine in my Sidekick!!! Just picture a lawnmower engine with a blue dryer vent hose wrapped around it - that is just what it looked like. It appeared that this was all he had done to his car, modwise. Just this gigantic air filter set-up.

I was like, "Ohhhh - that's a good one." I told him I planned on getting the E-RAM (this freak of a mod that was featured in a post here a while back - it's this duct tape and hose looking contraption that claims to add like 5-10 Horsepower). He was like, "That's an awesome set-up". I topped that off by saying I had NOS on order and that I was getting the duel shot set-up (I don't even know what that means). Thier eyes were wide with delight - like our eyes would be if we saw 100 944's all driving down the road at one. I couldn't believe he didn't know I was joking. I played some more.....

I then went on to ask in a Ricer fashion, "So, how much extra Horsepower is that air filter set-up given' ya??". He said with the air filter, and bigger exhaust tip, he was getting an extra 75 Horsepower. I couldn't get angry at this statement, because I truly feel he believed this. I mean, how could he ever test it?? How could any of his Ricer buddies ever test it?? They don't really know the difference. I asked how much Horsepower he was getting all together. He said "around 185". He went on to explain to me how slow the car was when he first got it. He said he got a tune-up (which I'm sure sped his car up in reality) and got the work done and it was wayyy faster after that (amazing what new plugs can do). He said he can now do 0-60 in under 9 seconds!!! He really seemed to forget I had a 944S sitting just a few feet away!!!

So, he asks me what my car "does". I, still being in Rice mode, told him that I had the extra big air box put in a long time ago (it was just the stock one). He went over to look and was all, "Man, is that ever wide!!". I told him that the car now has 300 Horsepower!!! But when he asked me how fast it will do 0-60, I told him "6.5 seconds" (which is very close to true). But he didn't even question how a car with 300 Horsepower could only be doing 0-60 in that time. It's a Rice thing. Horsepower to speed ratio is wayyyyyyy off.

Now comes the fun part......as I was Ricing it up with them, I became part of the Rice World first hand. As more Ricers drove by, they honked, then turned in the carwash. Within ten minutes, 3 more had joined the group - then 3 more in the next 15 minutes or so. There were now eight of them, all Rice-mobiles. One was very, very, very Ricey. It was a white Neon with a huge tail, white window banner, chessy lights all around, single wiper blade, lowered wayyy to low, big fart-can exhaust tip, tinted windows, stickers alllll over and even had that lil' blue light that tracks back and forth (like KIT from Night Rider) on both the front grill AND on the rear-view mirror. This thing was silly with a capital S.

Their "world" is a very interesting one. They seem like pretty nice guys overall, but their knowledge of cars and engines is that of a after dinner mint. In talking to them, I've found out that almost all of them never repair their cars - they just don't break (good ol' Honda engineering). I asked if they were ever afraid that their engine will pop with all the driving and revvvvving they do - not one of them had that fear. They just seem to have this ability to "cruise" all day and nite and only worry about gas. They never check their oil, nor do they get scared when a weird sound appears. Thank goodness Ricers chose the cars they did. Their group would be pretty thinned out if they all drove 944's (lol).

All in all, it was a very interesting few hours. I now get the Ricer wave whenever I see any of them. Note - I think the "Ricer wave" is when they see you and just revvv or they nod that lowered baseball-capped head. Either way, it's very funny that they think I'm "one of them" - even though I drive a stock Porsche. From what I could gather, they have no concept of Porsches or other cars besides Rice-mobiles. I think they believe my car is worth around $50,000-75,000. It's so funny. One guy even thought my car was a 911 - now that is just sad!!

Well, that is my story about crossing over into the world of the unknown!! It was very liberating - like being a NHL player who skates with a Bantom team for a practice. They have a very close-nit community and look out for one another. They are not so much "a gang", but rather just a group of High School kids who love driving cars that look silly (to me at least). The whole "did you get that new air filter set-up" is the talk of the lunch hour chat sessions now.

These guys remind me of when I used to take an old Hockey card and fix it on the back of my bike with a clothespin so it would hit the spokes, so I could make that "motorbike" noise. They are harmless (at least the ones in my town).

After all my judging and trying to guess what is going on in their heads, I've figured they are just kids who have a hobby. Better that than they are doing crime or drugs. Sure they have a sad hobby, but it still is pretty close to what we all do - we just have more in-depth attitudes and experiences.

God bless their lil' Ricers hearts!!!!

944SBoyeee

[ch944]

A nite of rice. That's pretty funny stuff you wrote. There just kids of today. Back in the early 80's when I was that age it was anything with 2 doors & a V8 ruled. Smoke the tires to the rims! How times have changed.

ch944

[Pillow]

Sounds like you got it covered

There are some Rice kids in my neighborhood and it is laughable how little they know about engines or what makes real HP.

They are good at heart, but the Rice scene seems more show than go.

[Nabeel]

A lot of people are more into 'show' than 'go'. I'm fine with that, more power to them. I get irritated, however, when some of these people start making ridiculous claims (intake adding 75 horsepower, etc.). The ricers where I live don't seem to be intimidated at all by my car. Every time one of them pulls up at a stoplight next to me they rev their engines incessantly. The light turns green and they floor it, leaving me in the dust while I casually accelerate at a normal pace. Oh well, at least it lets them think they are fast.


PS- I am guilty of racing a few of them, just to put them back in their place never get into any excessive speed though.

[Lawrence Coppari]

Fellow in the office the other day was claiming the chips and cat back exhaust on his '98 corvette increased his hp from 340 to 420. But this guy is older and should know better. Fat chance of that when the new Z06 only has 405.

[Scott R]

What never fails to amaze me, since I employ a few "ricers" on my helpdesk is that they actually think that the Civic is some rare and unobtainable racecar! Like only *they* can obtain such quality and engineering. Never mind the fact that it’s a run of the mill economy car.

[Afterburner951NOS]

LOL. Great story man. Ive done that before. I have been intertwined with may car groups except the "French guys". The ricers in my hood are very aggressive. They tell me how their Civic will do 150mph and I explain how I think a car thet is built to go 110 goin 150 is very safe. Then they see my engine and my big ass intercooler and what not. I frequently hear this convo between myself and the ricers... Ricer-"My car looks a hell of alot faster than yours" Me-"Well my car IS a hell of alot faster than yours!" IMO that the british car guys are the coolest. There all about keeping the car orignal yet making it faster at the same time. Plus they are always energetic to come to my house and tinker with my car and vice versa. The P-car guys (mainly 911 guys) are basically nice they just dont want to share advice.

Sam

Sam

[porsche1984944]

I am in the Navy and there are a couple of guys on my boat that are really into cars and increasing Hp. One guy has an escort gt that he is riceing out but its funny cause the same guy also has a 2000 mustang gt with a supercharger and this that and the other thing done to it and has around 450 Hp. ( looks gaudy with the huge wing and what not but fast as hell). A couple other guys with integras and one with an mr2 but the the great thing about these guys is none of them really have all the rice looks but all of them have the Hp to back up the looks or at least the knowledge to get the HP ( Like I said I am in the Navy and its hard to buy performance parts AND eat, but who needs to eat anyway right?). To me that is way better than riceing a car out with 5" exhausts tips and 3 foot wings.

[sweater914]

yeah, that was a funny story, most of my buddies drive behind v-8s in camaros there's no second quessing the hp, and we're realistic about what kind of marginal hp gains we can get from adding performance parts, we'd have ricers pull up to us at stop lights(really dumb) they'd buzz away, johnny would keep the Z28 in OD pull up along side, then blow by, much to there dismay

[Chigger]

All you guys talking ricer. I know where I can get an aircleaner from a Catapiler, some eight inch pipe for the exhaust, the tail off a Cessna, and some really cool green neon under car light..
Ack!! Help me I am going Ricer.
It is probably better for them to go ricer than drink or do drugs. Some day they may even learn to fix up their cars. When I was that age I did just about all the popular things everyone else did to attract the girls. I never could find a hairy chest for sale to go with my disco shirt. All the aftershave didn't work either. I finally started finding girls when I started being myself. An unemployed astronaut. We all have to start somewhere.

[rbt944]

That was a funny story. And I think that I can sort of relate to that since I also own a 98 civic hatchback. I think that with the intake they may get at least just 1hp improvement. When I drive the civic, ricers usually talk to me and ask me what I have in the car. And it is true though, most of them don't know anything about cars (I usually find out in the middle of the conversation when they seem puzzled with what I say or what I ask them). Sometimes, some people think that civics are fast. I had this one guy come up to me and make this comment about my honda "That car is *&%&$& fast huh". Of course I replied 'no'. I say that my 944 is faster. But they don't seem interested when I mention the porsche. I think that it is actually somewhat of a fashion statement or something. Most people with hondas just want to make them look good (in their opinion). As with my honda. Though it will never beat my 944 with an intake, I just keep it for comfort reasons (it has comfortable back seats compared to a 944). All in all, 'ricing' is pretty much a better alternative than violence. As long as people are having fun with their cars its all good.

[seb928s]

I'm 18 years old and go to school with bunch of ricers or the big V8's heads at my school. The ricers think they can smoke my car but when it comes to oh man you smoked so and so that has the big V8 cobra and they are like I can't take him. Man I opened my hood once afront of the rice boys and they were like holy **** that's a big intercooler you have and ****. They also think I run like 2 psi. Then went I take my big V8 friends they are like so how big is your V8 I'm like I have half of your engine. In my city most of these rice boys get there money buy selling drugs or stealing ****. My big Rustang friends aren't any better they rip off there parts from other cars or shops. Thinking of getting an Rustang Gt so I can get free parts for it lol

[overkill]

944S Boyeee you are funny as h---!

[Leadfoot]

:KNOW YOUR RICE: or :IS MY CAR FASTER:
you have to remember its a points system,
tinted windows 1 point
3 points for a spoiler
1 to 5 points for exhaust size
extra driving lights (above eight) scores 2 points
bodykit can get u anywhere to 10 points
stickers and racing stripes get u half a point for each one, which is why we dont get a second look cos we dont have any points on our cars!!!


:ADD TOTAL:
more points = more horsepower
compare with other cars to find winner
in the event of a draw, whos faster is worked out on how loud your engine revs....
...Leadfoot

[CJFusco]

That is a great story, but unfortunately the ricers in my area seem to be less naive....

... the ricers in my town do not respect Porsches at all and think they are overly expensive status symbols that most of their souped-up cars can outrun. Usually they're delusional, but I'm sure there are quite a few that can suck the doors right off my 944.

I have never met a ricer that was in awe of my car. Many Mustang drivers stop to talk to me, and Corvette drivers, other Porsche drivers, and drivers of more mundane cars, but not Civics and Eclipses.

[strlen]

I've found r!ceboys completely hate German cars, especially ones they can afford. If you can afford a relatively new Civic, or a new Eclipse, or especially a Celica GTS, you can afford a very very nice sample of a water-cooled, front engine Porsche. I once saw a thread about tuned up VW's, on a Lexus IS 300 board. Mind you Lexus aren't civics with Altezzas, but actually do pack some sort of a punch and are RWD. But the attitudes of some of their drivers, and especially Civic owners who hang out on the board, is quite not what you'd expect from people who can afford a $30,000.

Their biggest field day was with a Jazz Blue GTI, which had Porsche wheels and Porsche brakes. All the sudden they though that having Porsche wheels and Porsche brakes is rice, and that there's no way it benefits from the Porsche brakes, and began telling about how slow those cars are (even though a mid 90's VR6 will out accelerate any 3-liter, normally aspirated Lexus or Toyota) and began sorry attempts at sarcasm at how they will them put Lamborgini brakes on their Lexuses (or is it Lexii?). They also began talking mad smack about Porsche, saying how they're "p3n1s cars" and completely not worth it, and there's no reason anyone should drive them.

[Poorscheboy]

Well Boyee,
I come from the same corner of the world as you, and we are in the same boat.
But me being 21 I can talk the talk, I am a member of a Import tuner club based in Halifax Nova Scotia.
I am the only guy with a Porsche, and they (honda acura guys)
think I am a god, cuz I drive a Porsche.
All I do is sit back and keep my mouth shut about my Performance Mods and get a good chuckle out of them
Here is the Link to the clubs site.
www.lowmotion.org

[wannaberacer]

I have a friend who ows a 99' civic si, and I own an an 84' n/a. And when we race, sometimes he wins, sometimes I win. And the only reason he doesn't ALWAYS win is because he can't powershift. And the reason he doesn't MURDER me is because I weigh about 150, and he weighs 250+!

P.S. keep in mind there are factory 944 killer civics( exept turbo's, unless you meet an integra typr R) these cars are Lighter, more powerful(sans 944s), and produce thier hp up REALLY high which means their gear ratio's are taller. And if your foreign to gear ratio's, think of it as a torque MULTIPLIER! This is the beauty of these cars! A light 4 cylinder design (like an si hatch)which has high rev potential, gear ratio potential, and handling potential, could definetly be tuned EASIER than it would be to tune a 944!

[strlen]

Si's aren't bad cars, but 944's are much better handlers, produce more torque (usefull for driving through the mountains, which I happen to do a lot). Plus the new Si (2002 model), weighs quite a lot, has only 160 hp, and the accleration trials were about 8.0 0-60, which I'm guessing is right up there with a 944 N/A. Not to mention a 944 turbo will waste any Si and should have no problem with an ITR as well. I really like the new 1.8 turbo VW's, for 19k you get a very sweet sport compact, with 180 hp and 6.5 seconds 0-60 time, It'd be my top choice for an FF 4-cylinder, especially one that new costs less than $20k. And the new Si will cost about the same the same as the GTI, it's no longer the bargain it's used to be. The 99 or so Si coupes are still fun cars though, quite an decent power to weight ratio for their price.

[PorscheDV]

i dunno, call me crazy, but this post is a load of crap to me...

opinions are like *********s..everyone has one and they all stick..so here's mine...

you seem so eager to demean these younger guys for their relative lack of knowledge, but you obviously threw out info yourself that you had no idea what it meant (and knowingly) in your own definition...doesnt that make you rice?

RICE to me is defined by mods done to cars that seem to make no sense..yeah, it comes down to personal taste...i'll never get rear spoilers on FWD cars...or neon, or those tomcat kits...but to each his own...and i understand that! i know alot of guys could care less about cars. rather, they want to be apart of something..didnt we all at some point? dont we all start somewhere? some (your brand vehicle here) guys seem so bent against it? some of you are soo bent out of shape, its almost like you feel threatened...

its just that, no offense, but this post makes you really sound stuck up. its funny to me how you TRIED to get their attention. thats 'I love lucy' antics. as if they HAD to know you were there..and intimidated? seriously? what makes you so sure they even cared about you being there? sorry, though i personaly love 944's, EVERYONE i know..young and old dont have much to say about 944 styling now-a-days. that was a stupid comment about a filter and tip making 75hp..ever think for a second...someone saw right through YOU and they were humoring 'the guy in the porsh' after a stupid comment you might have made? and assuming he wanted to 'swing from your nads all of a sudden' dam..maybe he was being cool! Too 'porsche' to realize that i guess...

a few years ago i was paid to build some pretty serious hondas for racers. (hey its income) pretty dam good cars. reliable, effiecient, and easily buildable to spank any stock 944 turbo or NA. back a few years ago i got a two door to do mid 12's on a reliable daily driver...quick at the time...

what it all comes down to is, you knock these guys for lacking knowledge, and being lesser than you only because why? (you drive a what?) when you obviously lack quite a bit of car knowledge yourself...maybe im assuming too much...i live, eat, sleep, breath cars..i have 10W40 type blood...im not saying im better than you..that would be a BIGOT of me, hmm..but im guessing i just might know more than you about cars...can i call you german rice?

i call myself an automotive enthusiast...who can face facts, just cuz its a honda..doesnt mean i can beat it....that would be BLIND enthusiasm....