Fate is the hunter
 

My father's friend passed away.
Can't figure it out. My Father is 93 and his friends are all leaving earth. Including my Mom. He was married to her for 72 years and she passed away a year ago.
It is hard to talk about it. His friend was in his 70's.
Just wanted to text something about how hard it is when your friends pass away.

God Bless.

I wish I had words to help but I don't.


So many people wish for a long life, but that too can be a curse.
A double-edged sword.
It reminds me of a quote from the movie "the green mile":

I’m sorry for your dad seeing his friends passing. He must be feeling lonely and alone at a frightening time of his life - just when he needs help confronting his own passing.
I have no advice. I am so touched, but speechless and a little scared that I might find myself in his situation some day.

My ex passed away at age 70. We were more or less out of touch and the divorce was nearly 40 years ago, so I can't say we were close. However, we did talk now and then and had some mutual friends. No matter what, if someone you were married to passes, it's weird.

I think we settled on the fact that marriage ruined a great friendship that had its benefits. We went to the high school prom together. So I guess I lost a friend too.

But when you're 90, isn't just about everyone going to be younger than you when they pass? At that stage one is going to see a lot of death.

Zeke...
My wife let go in 2017. Quick, thankfully. Still love her and my mom.
This guy that was my Dad's best friend was amazing.
He was a Fighter Pilot in Vietnam but you would never get him to talk. Oh... you couldn't shut him up for an hour talking about his flying experiences as a jet pilot outside of his war times. Even my 30 yr old daughter, who has an attention span all of 10 minutes... loved listen to him talk.
I got to figure out how to keep my Dad's will to survive moving forward.

It is hard to figure this "end of life" stuff .

Condolences to you about your wife passing. As we get older, the pool of friends and potential friends gets ever smaller. It's also true a long life is a double edged sword. Your friend has had a long and eventful life to look back on. I have a friend who will be 105 this year living in an assisted living facility in Texas. She has glaucoma with some peripheral vision left and is slower getting around. She also had an eventful life which included leaving Saigon three days before the big fall. I don't think she's depressed exactly, but whenever I talk to her, she always says she's ready to go and wishes it would come soon. I'm always conflicted between encouraging her to forge on and admitting her wishes are justified.

My best buddy and best man at my wedding died just about a month ago. He was a brilliant mechanic. He could diagnose a problem over the phone. He didn’t have any family so my wife and I are clearing out his place. So many tools. I can’t bring myself to sell them. My garage doesn’t have any more room. This death thing sucks.

You know.. my 93 year old dad drove his Scion XB with his du-rag and sun glasses to my house today. Epic. I talked to him about his friend "Ed".
He knows. I might be the next one. My kids and I are aware of how life ends.

October 2017 I lost my 70 year old sister to cancer.
March 2018 I lost my 98 year old Dad.
April 2018 I lost my 53 year old nephew, son of my 70 year old sister, to an "accidental prescription drug overdose".
November 2018 I lost my 62 year old sister to cancer.
March 2019 I lost my 101 year old Uncle, my Dad's brother.

Been a whole lotta grieving on my end lately. I pretty much subscribe to Warren Zevon's outlook nowadays.

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At 93 your father is doing well. But.. likely looking around and noticing all his friends are gone.

If he is your father, you likely have done well too. Losing people sucks.

My grandmother lived to the age of 101.
For the last 5 years she was in a home because she needed constant care. She couldn't see, she couldn't hear, she could barely communicate and that was nearly all complaining.
Near the end she broke her pelvis by doing basically nothing.
The doctor said he could repair it, but why? His recommendation was just to up her meds and keep her as comfortable as possible until she dies. As cold as that sounds it made sense.
I'd bet that anyone who knew her wondered if it would have been better for her if she didn't live quite so long.
I have no aspirations or desire for a very long life. As soon as I've finished taking care of my wife and kids and making sure they're set for their entire lives, I'll consider that just about enough.

My former boss did his life right. In his words he took "early retirement" at age 92. He lived to be 98. One evening he was sleepy and kissed his wife goodnight, and walked upstairs, and she found him dead later when she went up to bed. No nursing home, no long hospital stay.

My dad died in a hospital after a heart valve replacement gone bad. He struggled to breathe, even on pure oxygen. He told me at one point, "no man should have to live like this" and he died a few days later.

My wife's grandmother lived to be 98. She died in a assisted living facility. She had outlived all of her friends, and 4 of her 5 children. She was ready to give up and she did.

We all want a long life, but no one wants to live their final days as an invalid, or with no mind left or unable to feed oneself.

Your dad has had a long life. I am sure he feels it flew past. Give him a hug. I wish I could hug my parents once more.

My dad is 93 and hasn't left the house in a year or two. He's not particularly happy and he just sits in his chair and watches a certain news channel 20 hours a day.

When urged to get out of the house or change up the plan he refuses. It's a tough spot.

At 75, it seems my buddies are gone. First accidents, then war, today medical stuff.
My "like a brother" buddy left decades ago...an industrial accident. I'm still in contact with his son, who I've dubbed "Honorary nephew". It's he who got me back into pool after decades of ignoring the game due to work, raising a daughter, and life. This has been good therapy for me of sorts, since I'd reached a state of not really having any interests. So, in a way, I can understand what Gogar's dad is doing.

Last week, another friend gave me the news of stage 4 prostate cancer. He took the gamble that he'd die of something else first. At age 78, he's opted for radiation.

Anyway..yes, there is a certain loneliness that comes with old age. Far from suicidal, but in some ways...well, ready to go.

Our worst fear is dying after our children.

my dad fought lymphoma and leukemia for 8 years before running out of strength.
About a month before he died I was visiting him and asked one morning if he slept OK.
His reply was "if I had a bullet I would have shot myself".

That coming from a man who went 15 years without calling in sick, never complained, tough as nails. He kept fighting no matter how bad it got.

I promised my wife that I would never do that to her.