being OVERWORKED.
 

i chit you know. i remember reading an article (maybe WSJ?) in my very early 20's. it listed the 10 most unstressfull careers. Civil Engineer was at the top.

when i decided i finally needed to get my crap together, that was the direction i took. i dont know how much influence that article had on me, but i must admit..i remember it.

Now? yea, despite my sorry math skills, i learned it well and i have a job.

i gravitated towards public service. i think i liked working with the big dollar amounts. i had an old-timer tell me early. "start your 401k, pass the PE exam, and NEVER tell a supervisor "NO" if it is work related" i did the last two. :)

a boss asked me if i can do it. YES! do you know how to do it? YES. all that did in my career was drop a huge workload on my head.

we attack every project with two team leaders. a RESIDENT ENGINEER and a Bridge Engineer. i'm a bridge guy. my last and CURRENT five projects..i am both RE and BRIDGE guy. i'm not proficient at my RE skills, since they have different job duties. everything i do, i have to look up the procedure. i am kicking ass for the most part so they want to give me one more. (the RE in my office has TWO projects!)..to distill it down, i have to do both jobs because upper management wont do their job and hire a few people.

i said it for the first time. "NO!" not sure it stuck. they will probably pencil me in anyways. i am thinking about quitting. not quitting in the traditional sense. quitting being a Construction Eng..simply jumping departments. CHIT, even a promotion at this point will stop the onslaught. maybe quit and join the Bridge inspection team..maintenance..anything. i'm 52. my blood pressure is creeping up on me. my phone wont stop ringing. emails are pinging as i type this.

i now fantasize about retirement. i think i'm gonna stuff a wad of cash in my pocket, load up the bike and ride to the nearest OF MONSTERS AND MEN concert. (apparently Vegas in Sept :))

i know i am being a whiney little B. lots of people would kill to have a job. i know that.

well, off to find out where my 1.5 million $ is so i can pay a contractor. bye :D

Jeopardy....shouldn't take more than 3 weeks....4 if yer lazy ;)

You are suffering because people like you are few and far between. You are competent, trustworthy, dependable, knowledgeable, and hard working. People like you get dumped on because most others out there don't have those qualities. I got dumped on for the same reasons and I'm seeing it with my wife now. Higher ups allow the slackers to skate and depend on the few like you to get the job done.

It sucks to be competent.

Go with your gut, C. If it’s time to do another gig within the system, go do that. Your health means more to you and your wife than it does to your employer.

Vash,

Try being that contractor. Talk about stress.

Just finished up the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel standpipe
Grand Central Terminal - standpipe
NYCHA - New IHWH steam input

Currently on the RFK Memorial Bridge - Standpipe

In house planning started (NTP sent) on 2 huge Boiler Plant jobs

Ready to start 2 gas re-pipe jobs of NYCHA multi building housing projects.

I feel your pain. Luckily retirement is around the corner for me 63+

You got to be a type A personality to live in this world. BTW, Mechanical is where it's at ;)

Vash,
I just turned 53. I know where you are coming from!

Marv called it:

"You are suffering because people like you are few and far between. You are competent, trustworthy, dependable, knowledgeable, and hard working. People like you get dumped on because most others out there don't have those qualities. I got dumped on for the same reasons and I'm seeing it with my wife now. Higher ups allow the slackers to skate and depend on the few like you to get the job done."

Solution? Try to step back a bit. I struggle with this daily. It is a sunny Friday. I am meeting a friend for lunch and a beer. The work never ends. Our lives do.

Find that balance. Funny coming from me! I am completely OFF my work/life balance for this year so far. I am going mountain biking with my son this weekend. So that is a big improvement.

Good luck. This is simply another problem to solve. Let that sink in and then solve it.

Perfect...and listen to yer buddy Sammy Hagar ;).

I've sang Johnny Paycheck halfway through my corporate daze....then decided "I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more either...".

Turn the page if it ain't workin' for ya..best to you Vash!

It is pretty amazing how competent people will get buried with work and incompetent people will get skate through, and not lose their jobs, despite not doing anything useful... It truly sends the wrong message and I've seen it everywhere I've worked. No is a good start but it needs to be a documented NO.

I had a similar experience.

I could see my burnout closing in and each day it was more and more difficult to go to work. I eventually took an early buyout and bought a small wholesale company that I just sold. I worked just as hard but with fewer hours and less pay.

Glad I did it.

My wife suffers from Vash-itis (easy, fellas): the inability to say no to interesting projects or "important" work.

Saying no is an art form, making "no" stick a skill - say no with a solution: "I'm buried but here is what I would do: contract the work out, assign to the work to someone else, assign work I am currently doing to someone else, or wait until I am free, etc.

Also, never allow their poor planning to become your problem...take a day or two to respond so you can formulate a solution. Use a straw man: My wife is sick so I need a day or two. My dog ate my homework, etc...

However, also say yes with a solution: "I'm in but you need to talk to Bubba about taking me off the Bridge over the River Kwai project before I can commit, he is counting on me. Make it their problem.

Hasn't worked with my wife, I suspect your are domed [sic] as well:D

I think that all three are true early in someone's career. You need to prove competency, skill and the desire to bring it home on time and on budget. You are paving your way forward. At some point ( like at the 10,000 hour rule) you should dial it back slightly, setting boundaries.

I will tell you that both professionally and personally, other people will push until you push back.

Mech E's build weapon systems. Civil E's build targets SmileWavy

:D

Yep, my dad was an ME. Launch vehicles and bigazz communication dish for Houston Control to conversate with the Apollo crews.

To Vash: Time management and life balance are skills to be mastered. Figure out what you want your job to look like and make that happen. My wife is like you, a doer. She works in the medical industry and typically manages a busy hospital radiology department. In the past she would get overwhelmed by trying to do it all, but over time she figured out how to manage her workload, delegate, and move the worthless barnacles out of her way so she can get things done. She now controls the schedule and workflow, works 4 days per week for higher pay, and her personal phone rarely rings with work issues. You can do this, just make it a personal priority.

Merv is so right. I think I mentioned this before, we are about the same age and retirement has been on my mind since I was about 46 or 47. I had a minor stroke at 40 hauling ass not taking care of "me" instead, I took care of everyone else running these bigger high end projects. They kept me there for a week, ran test after test and found me healthy. All test came back negative. The doc leaned over and said, you are type A. Change or else it will eat you alive. Since then, I dial back 40% and stop doing those big restoration jobs and switched gear and taken on mid size projects with nice and sane folks. No more Hollyweird crowd and their fancy homes. Thankfully, I have no ill effect from that damn stroke and started beating myself up on the bike again a couple times a week. I have gotta to get me some "Me" time before its too late to do the things I really wanted to do like taking my kids to see Asia for 6 weeks. Aint got too much time left is the way I see it.

Problem is, Vash, guys like us who run on this stressful high do not retire. You will always look for something to do to fill in that time and the high that's gone missing. There's only so much riding I can do unless I start racing then it will consume me again.

How about tuning back some and work lateral transfer for the county or city? I know the guys that read plans behind the counter are all engineers. Many do not have a lic but just a degree. I am not sure what the pay is like compare to what you make, but its a job that you get to deal with the public and look at drawings all days long and hash things out. You seem like a people person and the pay isn't bad. No real stress and do the job of 3 people and you go home on time, no phone calls. Somehow there will be a time you have to tune it back and live out those years cruising instead of hauling ass. it will take its toll on you. More shooting arrows, sharping knifes and flash lights. Its good for ya.

This thread reminds me of the old joke about lawyers. Young associates want to make partner, so they engage in a pie eating contest for 7-10 years. If they make partner, they win a prize: more pie.

I tell my MBA students that we have a set of life points, which, like electricity, can't be stored. Life points comprise time and energy, fire and imagination. You are always expending your maximum budget among tasks like family, job, sleep, leisure, etc., but you can reallocate however and whenever you want. So if you have 100% of your life points spread among those various areas, I think it's important to keep track of the allocation. If it gets to over about 40% devoted to work/job, it's usually at at the expense of family, sleep, and leisure. I tell them to consider rebalancing their portfolios. People willing to expend 40 or even 50 or 60 percent of their life points on work are happily taken advantage of by those who are now free to expend their own life points on walks on the beach with their kids while you work.

I'm sure none of my fresh faced young MBAs will listen for the first decade or so, but one day perhaps they'll look back and understand. Took me that long.

Sounds like maybe you need a life point reallocation, Vash.

Sorry to hear your stress. The price of being a can-do professional is what you found.

I had a similar way of accepting all projects and not saying no until my stress and blood pressure were getting dangerous health-wise. I then started setting limits by telling my manager, I am maxed out so if you want to give me more something has to slide. What is the lowest priority and how far can we reasonably push it out.

Another tactic is being honest by saying your workload is taking a toll on your health and you want to keep working for whomever but don’t know how long you can continue at this pace. No manager with a brain wants to lose a good employee. If they value you and want to keep you, they will make changes to your workload.

Unfortunately you are your own worst enemy, just like I was, so now you need to take control of the situation and talk to management. I have a feeling, unless they are total b@$tards, it will go well.

I am now a 1099/100% commission guy. Absolutely nothing, other than maybe advice, gets handed to me. I have never had a job where I so felt like I earned every dime. I'm making more than ever, but also worry a lot about the lean days or weeks. My consolation is hearing from a former co-worker, who took over all my duties when I got canned. That guy is doing two jobs, getting paid for one and even that is far less than I will make this year. I have to be in the field until I reach my goal for the week, which is usually three days. The two days I do admin. stuff from home are nice, but I feel guilty and worry that I'm slacking. Still feels better than working for the man.

similar to look 171, I over pushed my own work/stress boundary's and paid with my life, luckily I got away with it and was back to normal in a few months. Many people sadly aren't as lucky as us!

I now put my stake in the ground early so new clients know where my OVERWORK limit is, up to them to plan/resource allocate accordingly. As Seahawk suggests I offer solutions but do not make it my problem.

I quite enjoy being OVERWORKED, knowing each day I'll have a job list longer than I can do spurs me on to work harder which give me more satisfaction I've achieved something with my time

3 years ago I jumped from being an employee to doing my own thing working freelance, no regrets at all. I'm very lucky I can chose the interesting jobs and I've not had to look for work yet.

The best bit of being OVERWORKED for clients (usually because of their lack of planning/resource allocation) the more hours I work the more I earn and when it starts to become too much when my limits are not respected I can just leave and turn it all off

Only you can decide what your OVERWORKED limit is and if your compnay can't respect this then I'm sure there is a long list out there of other companies that would value you so don't be afraid to make a move

I always worked for "the man"...never had a problem he didn't fix, and he looked out for me....but I am "that man".

Nice landing...or lift-off from just a few months back Rick! I've.seen it play out so many times...funny how that works out. Sux when you're going through (or watching) it though...winners win ;)

How do they measure a cultures greatness?

What single item in the history of western civilization has been attributed to saving more lives than anything else?

No roads, no runways, yeah you will get to that target, not!;)

Yeah, that whole work/life balance thing. Over achievers, by their very nature, get this one all wrong. Americans, for the most part (compared to other nationalities) have this one all wrong. The problem is, we are "rewarded" for it, at least with the kinds of "rewards" we are conditioned to seek. There are other rewards to be had, however, and it took me an entire career to begin to realize that. When I decided I no longer wanted to dedicate enough of my life to the pursuit of the former, but rather it was time to pursue the latter, I simply retired. I miss the work, I miss the people, and yes, I do sometimes miss the nature of reward that came with it. But, boy, I have to say, the rewards I am reaping today have been well worth the change.

Boy, do I understand. That has always driven me, but doing it for someone else didn’t last long. Early on I decided if I was going to put 110% into something I would do it for my own company. Didn’t take long to learn succeeding on your own took 150% but I have no regrets.

Perhaps related, I just read a report on how many American workers do not take all of their allotted vacation time - the startling part was how many don’t take all of their PAYED vacation time.

I retired with several hundred hours of vacation in the bank, as did my wife. We did get paid for it, at our current salaries, but in retrospect - what the hell were we thinking? Perhaps we would have worked longer had we "paced" ourselves a little better. This is, as you surmised, an all too common story.

I think when we get to our low-mid 50s age wise, we start to have those retirement thoughts just like we did in the Spring of our senior year of high school (senioritis). We start to question why we are being worked so hard, when others slack off, we start to value our time with family, and free time more than a big paycheck, we question why we no longer have time/energy for the things we once loved to do.

Good luck with your decisions, but know that you aren't alone.

I've never been afraid of much in life. Never held back. Very much an adrenaline junky for the first fifty years. Been working since I was thirteen years old, plus school and other pursuits, fixing the world etc. In 2015 my stress levels were high and I knew it. Tried to cull it back.

In 2016 my heart stopped three times in five weeks. Scared me more than anything. They never really found the cause and the problem was not an actual cardiac issue. No stroke or infarction. Treatment entailed aggressive hydration to "blow me up" with four to five liters of water and salt a day. Was not dehydration just not enough blood volume (hypovolemia) to keep the clock from cavitation and brain awake.

No damage but a couple of odd side effects. I don't like crowds or traffic at all now and inside a MRI machine I am now claustrophobic. Third MRI the machine malfunctioned, got hot and burned up some helium I was told. I exited the bore on those rails like a luge levitating before the tech even realized it was in overheat. Guess I have good reason to be uncomfortable.

When my cardiologist said to me "you died three times and lived to tell about it, welcome back" it changed everything and I mean everything. How I interact, how I think, how I respond, how I live my life now etc.

I have since reduced stress in my life considerably. The first was removal of toxic people including family members and people I work with along with other factors. Love my sisters but they are the most negative and miserable folks I know. I'm not pointing fingers at them, in fact I feel sorry for them but at the same time I accept what I allowed into my life. Everything is a crisis to them three to four times in a day everyday, every month and all year. The calls at all hours. I tried to talk to them about how they react to everything even mentioning therapy so they can cope better. I finally got to a point where I just don't interact with them much any more or answer calls. They seemed to have learned how to cope with life overnight out of thin air. Work is not so easy to change. I have a job to do and the people I interact with can be difficult and life draining. It is what it is! I now work smarter not harder. For this I had to change me.

Some people have tried to tell me get on with my life like nothing happened. Sorry it doesn't work that way because something did happen and my life is precious to me and those I care about. My perspective has changed completely. Good riddance to toxic and volatile people. I do worry in the back of my head will it happen again?

Then some have asked me what it was like? Well it starts like this -the most powerful adrenaline dump (which actually kept me alive) you will ever experience, then a little tunnel vision, then color in eyesight begins to change to black, greys and white, then everything dims and lights out, then zero time. -------------------- ------------ then one minute and 30 seconds or so pass and boom come back to life -----/\---/\----/\---tachycardic at 200bpm, then it settles down to 150bpm and finally about 90bpm over the next hour or so. Then comes the second adrenaline dump and then exhaustion. Not fun. Life will pass before you in a blink of a second before you come back. Things will race through your mind and nurses will really fly. The second time I was connected to a 12 lead flight recorder, third time a 5 lead black box. The playback is a bit rough to digest.

I will take jumping out of a plane, a mile long zip line run or a fast road any day over what I went through. It will change you. It changed me.


I will be fifty four in June. My life is quiet, peaceful and fun. Some people treat me different. I'm not looking for empathy. Some of my friends found it weird and I no longer hear from and that's fine too. My best friends treat me exactly the same. We have good conversations about health, prostates and what scares us along with the good things in life. I'm looking for life and good people.

I have adopted a sort of mantra and live by these words now. " If you want more you can have your more, in fact you can have all the more you want, just don't make your more my more". I cant fix the world, that's Gods job. I have also learned saying NO to the boss can be a very powerful. Its also a motivator.

What did I learn? Don't give up your lunch, it starts there. If you work for someone or company give a fair day work for fair pay and then leave. You will not get any of your time back by working extra time or commuting four hours a day in traffic. If you are self employed or a chronic workaholic be careful and don't over do it. I know personally too many people or business owners who have hypertension or take heart medication. Life is long, play hard and get dirty.

Nailed that one.