I'm pretty happy with where I am in life. Changing my upbringing would no doubt have changed where I'm at now and I'm not sure I would want that. I chose not to have children because of the way I was raised, but adopted a son and somehow he turned out great. He is who he is today partially because of my influence, and that tells me I haven't wasted my life.

Sure anyone would like to have been raised in a wealthy family a spoil with driving a new Porsche to high school.

My mom made me wear hand me down clothes for most of my childhood. She shopped at the thrift shop and bargain bins all the time.

When I asked about getting a car in 1970, dad laughed and said I could buy any car I could afford, with his approval. He did offer a interest free loan, and he paid for mu insurance. I bought a $600 1960 VW bug, and I was responsible for 100% of all costs of ownership. That is when I learned to work on own cars, and I still use the socket set I bought back for the bug. Dad instill a understanding that if I want to buy something, I had to work for it, and I learned that lesson. I ended up working one full time job, shooting weddings in the spring, and filling football games for a Jr. High, high school, and college so every Thursday, Friday and Saturday in football season I was working. I had little time for dating or just hanging with friends. I managed to earn enough to buy my brand new ordered to my specs 1974 912 2.0 when I was just 19.

Great answer. I feel much the same way. I think this is because I made choices early.

One story about choices: My parents were golfers and they joined a new country club that was next to some oil field property. While I submitted to golf lessons, I also had them haul my 20" bicycle in the family station wagon that I put a two-stroke West Bend motor in the frame. The typical Bull Taco type dirt bike had yet to hit the market.

While they played golf I rode the hills of the oil property. Being Sunday it was not monitored. There were a lot of Marlon Brando types out there on Harleys doing a hill climb on everything from what we would today call mild choppers and even some baggers. And then there's this kid with his motorized bike. I don't remember talking to the bikers much, just buzzing all over making a hell of a racket being the only chainsaw out there. No one wore helmets. The bikers had "the cap."

Yeah, I have the tinnitus as well to prove it.

Just imagine this as a 20" with no fenders or rack. No gears and a twist throttle from the Harley shop. No suspension and it broke a lot. So I'd walk it back to the CC and play golf or swim in the pool. It was pretty bitc*n' as they used to say. I finally had to re-lace the rear rim with motorcycle spokes. Banana seat.

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/g-EDYtS7P5I/maxresdefault.jpg

After age 18 yes, up until then living 'poor' is a very good motivator and very helpful in preparing for the rest of your life.

every generation does their best, and we still harm the children they are raising.

it does seem to be improving though. so thats a good sign.

Am grateful that i had to work early on to have anything of my own. Definitely instilled a drive. Would have appreciated and benefited from a real father but i was never beaten, never hated by family, never saw drug or alcohol abuse in the home, never taught to hate others or exposed to racist ideals, etc etc.

I see what happens to many who grow up privileged and rich and i know for certain i would not have been strong/smart enough to get through that as a functional human. Kudos to those who enjoy that life and grow up to be fantastic people...i think in some ways that is harder than being raised on the street and turning out good.

I merged the two threads...

I wish children came with their own unique owners manuals...my children are as different as can be but the same.

Odd statement, I know, but the core principles of being a good human are not abstract in the least. We started there, with the core for both kids: Do not lie, cheat or steal or tolerant those among us that do, live honorably. Some of you may recognize the reference.

We all make mistakes, me probably more than most, but the essence of being a good parent is trying without malice, establishing rules and rapport and adjusting. That and never, ever intentionally causing emotional or physical harm.

My children are entering their 30's and we all remain close in spite of our differences in outlook, sensibilities and desires. We all know why and it started with my parents.

Well you can't pick your parents,

My folks were all about working hard and you'll be fine ---perfect - no way --but family first.

I would change nothing-- any where I came up short is me not them... sure my Dad was not exactly a
touchy feely guy--he fought in the Pacific -- my hero then ---my hero now.

in a round about way -- wishing one grew up differently kinda smacks of feeling sorry for oneself.

sorry if this hurts anyones feelings.
My mother was = a pain --all in a good way.

I disagree. Maybe you should come to CA sometime. Vist the schools. I think we are 29th out of 50 as a state. That's an average of the largest state population. You can imagine where Los Angeles schools come in nationwide..


I saw one stat: " [Los Angeles] Better than 24.0% of all U.S. school districts." Well below state average.

Agree Milt.

I just said that to someone yesterday. But the question assumes you can, even if a fantasy.

Comments here have been very good. It's warming to hear that few really blame their parents. That might be pointing to the fact that you're going to be more or less who you are and possibly what you aspire to if it doesn't fall in line with your life. Some stretch pretty hard. Hats off.

I never really aspired to be anything but good at what I was doing. Other than that, life has been simply following my nose and taking any opportunities. Only a few I shouldn't have considered. So I'll join those that say they wouldn't change much if anything.

But if it gets to be worse than I can stand, then I will have complaints. I don't think anyone wants to hear complaints so it's all in my hands. I think my nose is tired of leading.

But, so far, nobody here had a mom who ran topless bars. ;)

I wuz trying to keep my dear sweet mom outta this discussion :D

i thought we were talking about being raised, not education :shrug:

interesting you think they are the same thing though. very enlightening.

i mean that being said, the solution is still to fund public education to the level it was in the 50s and 60s. that would improve our education system dramatically. education outcomes basically ramp almost perfectly with funding.

CP, I get your point. Education starts with the parents. Not always structured or in books. You could also call it training, from potty training on. Don't swear, that sort of thing.

Let's take schools as only an example of bringing enough children together to obtain a study.

I don't think they are the same. It was a convenient way to make a point.

Parents can harm children and they do. You say it's getting better. That's the only point I disagree on.

I'll change the proposition. Come to CA and let me take you into some homes. I live in the 5th poorest city in CA with a population of 100,000+.* Fresno and Oakland are poorer if you want the picture.


*That statistic was reported before Covid and a link to that information is presently missing. We are the 15th poorest out of the top 100 by population according to a 10 YO census. It would be worse, but we are a coastal city with hundreds of multi million dollar homes at the beach and inland marinas.

Encouraging and guiding your kids to get an appropriate education is a parent's job. I would argue it's one of the most important jobs in raising successful kids into independent adults..

As is making up for shortcomings in the education system.

When I was a teenager, I figured getting raised at the Playboy mansion would have been ideal. :D

Been poor. Didn’t like it. Long term welfare plus alcoholic parents is not a good way to start life. The opportunity to grow up without worrying about whether we have to move at midnight, where the next meal is coming from or whether their shoes will leak has my kids well ahead of my start.

So im still good with filthy rich and spoiled rotten. Now I need a Time Machine and to win the lucky sperm lottery.

the education system gets dumped on, because its a funnel for basically all of societies ills. and really it actually has only one job, and thats teach students the skills needed to be employed. its job isnt to teach your kids morals, its not keep your kids out of jail, its not to teach them to use drugs in moderation, its not teach them to be sexual responsibly, its job isnt to do any of this.

its job is sohcahtoa. a lot of people though, and the pandemic exposed this, zeke included, and i hinted at this already, believe that the education system is some kind basically baby sitting organization, and its not. thats not what its for. thats not what it was made to do.

but it gets tasked with so much else, because of other social failings. the war on drugs and the economy destroying parents ability to actually be parents, the lack of affordable homes causing housing instability. food desserts causing health problems. health problems not getting solved because we dont have universal healthcare etc etc.

like the list goes on and on and on.

for example, if dad is in jail because of minor drug charge, that anyone in the out tier suburbs wouldnt have been caught with, never mind prosecuted for, while mom is working 10-12 hours a day just to try and keep the apartment, in a cheap neighborhood, its going to be really hard for those parents to be involved in that kids education. add in 3 nights a week of fast food, cause no time to prep meals, and no time to drive 30 minutes to the grocery store ...

and all of this gets dumped onto the education system, and we wonder why a bunch of underpaid, overworked, people who signed up to teach kids math, can't just, you know, solve all of societies problems. like its on them, and they are to blame, when they too are concerned about keeping their apartments and putting food on their tables.

There is a lot of truth in "we all turn into our parents"

I tried to answer this but couldn’t. Both the good and bad parts of my upbringing shaped me, I don’t know what it’s like to be a different person and would rather not roll the dice.

Oh man..I was blessed. Parents were not perfect but loved my sisters and me unconditionally. Dad was “ hard” by todays standards on expectations of behavior and work but I needed the guardrails. They were a little intolerant of other beliefs and this has caused me some grief in my parenting skills over the years with my daughters but I am aware and try to be opened to other ways of doing things.
We grew up in the country and I spent my early years entertaining myself with fishing and running around hundreds of acres of woods with a .22 rifle. Being bored was “a sign of a simple mind” according to my mom so I never allowed myself to be bored. Learned a lot from dad about building and this has been one of my greatest assets as I can basically build anything. I have never owned a home I have not remodeled, added on to or improved dramatically. Dad hated working on anything mechanical but I have enjoyed it my whole life…I rarely take anything to a mechanic and maintain everything from tractors to modern German cars.
Yeah, I was blessed and loved. It took me years to realize that I had the kind of childhood that very few were fortunate to have….I work towards and hope my daughters say the same thing when they are discussing with friends their childhood years from now.

I was one of four. Two boys and two girls and I was a middle child. We were middle-class living in Westport, Connecticut. Not the town it is now, but the small sleepy artsy town it was back in the 60s and 70s. We had a good childhood, riding our bikes everywhere, skinny-dipping in the quarry or Nash’s pond, after school and the weekends.

I was a Dennis the Menace type. Short attention span, OK in school, occasional getting in trouble doing stupid ****. It wasn’t until my 20s that I finally matured and knew what I wanted to do.

Our parents were good southerners living in New England. Our dad was firm and not a hands-on, hugging type that said I love you a lot. I learned from that and have always hugged our kids and told them I love them. We still do and they tell us the same.