Neighbor kid begging for food .

[fastfredracing]

Im curious how you guys would feel about this.
So.... My nieghbor kid, has been hanging around , asking for food .
This all started last fall. He came by and asked if we had a few extra slices of bread, then a few days later, peanut butter, , then eggs, soup etc.
I do not mind this at all. Our house, however, is a total bachelor pad now, and I rarely have much food on stock.
I've been buying extra food, when I shop and leaving it in their mailbox. Just little stuff, bread, eggs, milk, , soup, ramen etc.
I know they are dirt poor. Mom is a disablility rider ( most likely fraudulent ) and an alchoholic . They live in a little run down mobile home on a beautiful piece of land . The grandparents live in a nice house on one side of them, and his aunt lives in a nice little modular house on the other side of them. They all seem like relatively decent people, but we kind of keep to ourselves .
He is 15 and slightly off, but seems like a fairly decent kid , who has just had the misfortune of growning up in a broken home .
However.... My spidey senses have been giving me a bit of warning lately .
a few years back, I left my wallet in my 911 overnight . I live in the kind of place where, I have not locked my doors, or my cars in 25 years . Never a prolbem . I had myself convinced that I had lost my walled, but def remember having it on the front seat of my car on the way home that night .
Next day, my wallet is in my mailbox, empty of cash, but everhtying else is there intact.
In talking with my neighbors this spring, come to find, my next door neighbor , had his polar water jug full of change, stolen, and the elderly lady behind me says she has this kid on her security cameras sniffing her property after dark several times . She is alarmed.
He has borrowed money and food from both of these neighbors also .
I honestly feel, bad, for the kids, and have no problem helping them out once in a while, but also have no desire in getting my house robbed. It may not be him, but if I had to take a wild guess... He is kind of the only one around . Most of my other neighbors are older, and pretty well off .
I also just found out this morning , that he just got caught shoplifing at the local convenience store .
So... Im at a crossorads here . Im super friendly with this kid. I just gave him a bunch of old bicycles, and I am always kind to him. He has nothing in his life resembling a role model, or even a decent person.
Im thinking about having a talk with him, and just tell him , that I am happy to help , and please, if you need something , let me know , but also to let him know somehow ( I have no idea how to breach this subject ) ,that some of the neighbors have had some things missing and are alarmed.
I want to make my point very clear, that intruders will be met with full force .

I was thinking maybe I could invite WDfifteen over, and maybe we could insult the kid and rough him up a bit or something. I keed Patrick .
How would you tread on this matter ?

[masraum]

Very unfortunate for the kid and you and the neighborhood by the sound of things. It sounds like the mom has "taught" the kid to follow in her footsteps (you make it sound like she's a deadbeat, living off the govt teat). Seems like the family (grandparents and aunt) could be supportive of the kid (I would think that with that much family around, he's eating just fine). Or maybe his family has realized that he's going down the wrong path and have pulled back on assistance.

I hadn't read to the end of your post before I started thinking something similar "the kid needs a talking to" and "how could this be broached?"

LMAO! WDF would be the perfect person for this delicate situation.

Honestly, I'm not that good with people, so my solution would probably be to pull back, lock up my stuff, and be a little sad. I also feel like this could turn into one of those "no good deeds..." situations. But I think that your approach is probably the best, and fits with the "it takes a village..." sort of thing.

I look forward to the advice provided by the group. There's almost always good advice from someone on this sort of thing eventually.

[Steve Carlton]

I'm not experienced in this kind of thing at all, so maybe my thoughts are useful, maybe not. This kid is on a bad path, and you might be the only one with a good shot at helping, so I respect your concern and willingness to step forward.

What about talking to the grandparents and the aunt? I wonder where they're at on this.

Does the community have resources for this kind of thing? Do the police have a recommendation? As you said, the kid needs a role model. Maybe a healthy new interest/diversion. A military school sounds good to me, but that doesn't seem likely.

Can you spend some time mentoring him? Teach him your craft some?

I'd love to see this kid turned away from where he's heading.

[Baz]

You could say this to him:

"Also.....you should know that some of the neighbors have had stuff come up missing including money.

I realize you are not the one who did it. But it wouldn't hurt to take a second look at your activities in the neighborhood. Make sure you stay off everyone's property is #1. Some of these folks have security cameras. In places we can't see. But if you are on their property - you are being captured on video. You don't want that. I don't want that.

As a young person, having someone in your life to look up to and mentor you is important. I'm happy to be one of those persons and hopefully we continue to operate on the basis of respect and honesty."

[cabmandone]

I'd stop giving him things and start having him work around your property for pay. Give him purpose not handouts. Teach him how to work because it doesn't sound like he'll be getting that lesson from mom. Just my .02

[Tobra]

If the kid is under 18, I would probably call CPS. Over 18, maybe what Nick suggests

[Evans, Marv]

Since you describe him as "slightly off," you might be taking on more than you want devotimg a lot of energy trying to help him out &trying to correct his tendencies. I'd have a serious conversation with his relatives (maybe not include the mother), letting them know he's been video taped lurking aound the locality with some things missing and make some suggestions about how to help him. I would also have a serious conversation with him and lay things on the line. Let him know where his actions will lead, that people know about his behavior and will take action eventually. Let him know you will be there if he wants a friend to talk to. My parents never said anything to me in the way of life advice. Their only interaction was telling me to do this or not do that. I had a teacher in the 8th grade who would drop suggestions that had a postive effect. He also sat me down when I was moving away and gave me some valuable advice on how to interact with kids in my new environment. That advice also served well as an adult. I remember it to this day.

[Eric Hahl]

Have him help you dig a large hole out back. Explain to him it's for the neighborhood burlar when you find him.

[unclebilly]

If you want a project, this kid could be an opportunity.

Do you trust him enough to offer him a job at your shop part time?

Massive kuddos to you if you can make it work for you and him.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by cabmandone

I'd stop giving him things and start having him work around your property for pay. Give him purpose not handouts. Teach him how to work because it doesn't sound like he'll be getting that lesson from mom. Just my .02

This seems like an excellent point/idea!

[masraum]

Originally Posted by Eric Hahl

Have him help you dig a large hole out back. Explain to him it's for the neighborhood burlar when you find him.

LMAO! Good one. part of the WDF school, I believe.

[herr_oberst]

Originally Posted by Eric Hahl

Have him help you dig a large hole out back. Explain to him it's for the neighborhood burlar when you find him.

You might end up with your dog and that bag of lime from the barn missing.

[Cajundaddy]

This kid needs purpose and direction instead of handouts or he will soon become part of the system. You can adopt him as your personal project or get him plugged into a place that can help shape his life. Boys Club, YMCA, ROTC, Devil Dogs, martial arts studio, church outreach, local farm. I think any of these are far better than government child services and foster care.

We did outreach for 8 years in a local community and saw a lot of this. He has a chance to rise above the example of his alcoholic mother and absent father but honestly, 1 out of 10 make it.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally Posted by unclebilly

If you want a project, this kid could be an opportunity.

Do you trust him enough to offer him a job at your shop part time?

Massive kuddos to you if you can make it work for you and him.

I agree with this approach, and giving him purpose. Make it about him getting caught for shoplifting, offer to him a way to earn vs take. Easy for me to say from here, either this is a big time rose in your garden or he’ll steal from your shop.

[Shaun @ Tru6]

Originally Posted by cabmandone

I'd stop giving him things and start having him work around your property for pay. Give him purpose not handouts. Teach him how to work because it doesn't sound like he'll be getting that lesson from mom. Just my .02

Great idea!

[KFC911]

Trust your instincts and maybe have a man-to-man chat with him ... as a "friend", just offering real world advice... all friendly. See how he reacts... you don't need a project Fred, but you are the type of person who might make a difference.... who knows?

And then you can call Patrick

[berettafan]

as a former moron myself I would have greatly appreciated a kindly man sitting me down and being very frank about where I'm heading and how that's gonna work out if I don't make a change. key for me would've been compassionate approach and not judgmental.

I would ONLY do this with at least one other adult present or would have the entire conversation recorded on the off chance he tries to play like you propositioned him or something in an effort to extort $$.

[fastfredracing]

I love you guys ( and gals ) man . Such a good cross section of intelligent, wise, and kind dudes here . Thats why I always bounce ideas off you all .
Im def not looking for a project. I feel guilty daily about spending enough time with my 8 year old that Im single dadding.
But, Id always be happy to help the kid fix his bike, loan him tools , and he will basically always be welcome to share a meal with us .
Im lucky, hes only been asking me for food. He mooched a few packs of cigs " for his mom" and 20$ a several times from my next door neighbor .
There are 3 of us single middle aged guys all 3 in a row on my road. Imma run it by them over the weekend .
We should try to be there in some capacity for the kid if we can. IF nothing else , he can hang aound with the guys when he is bored .
Never know.
I picked him up at 7;30 am one morning in Janary in Pittsburgh . He was riding his bike to the gas station to buy milk and bread . It was below 20 deg that morning, and he was riding a bicycle down the side of a 2 lane divided highway .
Hope I didint give him a lift home from a bank heist ....

[fanaudical]

First off, kudos for trying to help.

I work with youth (and have for years) through the Scouts. Something I highly recommend is that you should never be alone with this (or any kid under 18) that is not yours. I've seen way too many instances of kids in trouble making up stories that have to be investigated.

I agree with approach of giving him purpose to work toward or helping him find that elsewhere. I also agree with working this through one of the other family adults in his life.

[fastfredracing]

Originally Posted by fanaudical

First off, kudos for trying to help.

I work with youth (and have for years) through the Scouts. Something I highly recommend is that you should never be alone with this (or any kid under 18) that is not yours. I've seen way too many instances of kids in trouble making up stories that have to be investigated.

I agree with approach of giving him purpose to work toward or helping him find that elsewhere. I also agree with working this through one of the other family adults in his life.

Funny you mention that, and thanks . This same thought crossed my mind . This kids older sister, has transitioned into a man, and this kid seems slightly lost about his identity maybe ?? When I mentioned " off " above, that is what I was addressing.
When I picked him up, my son was with me ( I was taking him to school ) On the way home, I thought that maybe I should be careful about being around him unsupervised.
It would really grind my gears to get wrapped up in some weird situation or get accused .
My other thought is to protect my young son. You just never know.....
Its a shame we live in such a **** world .