funny thread. funny but true...

Been there, got a tee-shirt, prior relationships. I peg it as classic passive-aggresive behavior. It's like" LOOK AT ME YOU IDIOT CAN"T YOU SEE I'M DOING CHORES??" -Pass, next.

Our system is: I do all the lawn, vehicle care including paying for parts, house repairs, etc. She is responsible for the inside cleaning, laundry, most meals. We share what ever else needs done. If my primary stuff is finished, I help her and visa-versa. It really does work out well because before we moved in together we discused at length what is expected.

Plus, she's a real sweet-heart.

Gambler, it sounds like you were able to use logic to come up with a system. Doesn't work with every relationship. I'm on a 4-10 schedule, so I get every Friday off. I have to basically list all my accomplishments for the day or there will be trouble.

Never mind that I already worked my 40. Oh, and sitting through a Tivo'd Simpsons marathon does not count as an accoplishment.

I would never give my wife a to do list or hound her about what she did during the day. That seems like dissing to me.

There does seem to be some common ground here in that women either want their mates to pitch in simultaneously, or at least acknowledge that they have the moral high ground.

craig -- I agree about the list thing...

The first time a married friend referred to a "Honey-Do" List, I had no idea what he was talking about... I thought it had something to do with melons... seriously.

First the words, then the very concept of a spouse making up such a list, like she's your mom setting forth your chores, only made it through my brain by pranging off of every notion of mutual respect in my head, crashing directly into the "equality" facade so necessary today and finally getting wedged just behind my gnashed front teeth. In short, it pissed me off -- vicariously, I was pissed off for this friend of mine.

So, without thinking (which epitomizes so much of my life) I said "OH, this is cute... does she have a 'B!tch, Now, Dammit' list?"

It would require the Matrix/Swordfish slo-mo/bullet-time, full panoramic, widescreen HD explosion footage camerawork with DTS 6.1 surround sound to come close to adequately describing the carnage resulting from the fact that "she" was in the next room.

She's the kind of woman that'd make a list like that; she's the kind of woman who would go thermonuclear when you make a comment about a list like that -- it's simple arithmetic.

Now, when I talk to this friend, I ask if he's done all his chores and homework and if mom will let him out to play. He's learned not to have me on speakerphone when he's at home.

JP

lmao, JP! oh, the double standards!

Re: Does your wife do this?
 

That's what my wife believes I believe about her. The funny thing is we are in the same profession.

I wish my wife would just do even a little cleaning and cooking more than once a week. I would be happy if she would even place a dish in the dishwasher. Since she only cleans when guests are coming over, I have greated the guests with the statement "welcome to the house of make believe. The house never looks like this without guests." Of course the guests I have said that to are close family and are in the know. She's a pig.

But she does do the hardwork outs in the gym at least 4 days a week.

LMAO!

I love my wife, but sometimes she drives me nuts. If I have a stressful day at work I just need to sit down and unwind, whether it be playing the guitar or piano, watching the tube, or posting more inane comments to the OT section. Meanwhile she's busy cooking for the next week's meals.

My favorite is when we sit down to watch a DVD and she manages to sit still for 15 minutes...then gets up and starts puttering around in the kitchen...and asks me "What happened? ", "Who's that?", "What did he say?".....

No, my wife doesn't do any of these things, and the stuff she does do is not suitable for posting here:)

I love my marriage:)

My favorite from last weekend. Last Saturday morning I ask my wife if she wants to get started helping me take down the outside christmas lights. She says no she wants to get some other things done and we can do it later. I say ok and go down to the garage to start ripping out the front suspension on the 911. Around 1:30 she comes into the garage. I am under the car, legs just sticking out the front cursing at whomever was the idiot that put blue locktite on the front torsion bar adjustment bolts when I hear her say "You ready to get started on the lights?" To which I diplomatically reply: "Does it @%*#^$% look like I am ready?" The air took on a noticable chill.

passive-aggressive? I wouldn't know anything about that.

As for the other stuff, I just don't answer the phone. Problem solved.

My wife thinks surfing the net IS work..............SSHHHHHH

My wife left me 1.25 years ago, and right now I'm still enjoying the heck out of coming home and NOT having to overcome the stress someone is attempting to place on me. Perhaps at some point I might consider a replacement, but there would be tryouts and there might need to be 'job-sharing.'

I have the perfect relationship...my GF is a neat freak and I'm a slob....she couldn't live without me.......:D

dude - your wife is a bonafide hottie fer sure. It is so tough when they look so good - but be strong my brother! Help is on the way. As my ol man used to say, "theres more than one way to kill a cat then F^&%in it to death!"

Here are a few proven techniques that works like a charm. If carried out, you will get back "hand". Here are two of many...(the rest come with a fee!)

1) BE THE MAN WOMAN: Provide complete attention immediateley for no less than 5 minutes - and don't say a word! Just acknowledge. The set-up: Woman always seem to want to "talk" when the news, sports, CSI, Law & Order or Blue is on. Do This: Turn off the TV, turn your body to face them and say"tell me about it, I'm interested..." She will prattle on. Let her. FOR GOD"S SAKE DO NOT OFFER A SOLUTION TO THE PROBLENM SHE IS POSTING! Just listen. You may miss up till the first commercial break - no biggy. This may take 3 to 5 times, but it reduces her option of the common gripe "We don't talk anymore, you don't know who I am and I don't know who you are." this will set up for 2).

2) DOUBLE REVERSE PYSCHOLOGY (with a little passive aggresive enabling): Case in point; last weekend I was shooting the breeze with George the neighbor, the curtain climbers are running around doing I don't know. My wife comes storming out of the house and tears me a new rectum for not watching the little rascles - felt real embaresed. About a half hour later I said these majic words "Honey, I'm sorry I let you down. But more so, I'm sorry if I have ever said something or acted a certain way in front of your friends that may have made you feel less than a woman or embarressed you. I know how it feels and it really sucks. I want to be the best thing in your life and I intend to try to meet those expectations." NOW HERE IS THE KICKER - YOU HAVE TO DO IT WHILE YOU ARE ON THE CAN! Yes, I know it sounds absurd, but call her into the bathroom and have her listen to you but more importantly, she has to see you on the throne! You are "must vunerable", let her have the precieved high ground. Heck, you may even wipe in front of her. Now - this will only work if you carry out 1) several times becuase she has to veiw you as a guy that listens. If she balks at the CAN TALK - bring up the fact the " I really like the way in which we can really talk now and I was hoping I could share a few things with you...". After you say those majic word, let her take position and see where it goes. But once agian, DO NOT TRY TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM!

Stuff is gold! Has to be done in sequence and with the correct wording or, like a fine gem, it will spilt at the fault line with precision and accuracy but be rendered useless.

Good Luck, don't give up, victory is ours if we all pull together like a team!

Lube, I was reading your post and thinking "this guy's a genius" right up until the part about apologizing while growing a tail!! I'm pretty sure I'm not going to use that technique. The rest I'll print out, laminate and keep in my wallet.

Most poignant is the advice to not solve their problem. I think it has something to do with if you solve their problem, they wont have anything to ***** about and then they'll start in on you!

Great advice! Thanks.

I know it sounds crazy - I thought so too. But it really works with women or any one who is ultra ubber A type personallities. It exposes vunerablility and brings it all down to the very 'base'.

When pitching anything, the set-up, surroundings and words all play a very important role. You taking a poop in front of the mrs brings you back to when you were an infant. She is a nuturer (sp) by the way she is wired. She isn't takin aback by it. The thought of it is repulsive to us which is way it works on them.

Most importantly is the BEING THE MAN WOMAN. If you can't pull that through and establish yourself as something different (and more) than most all men she knows, then the other stuff crumbles.

One more thing - a bonus techneque just cuz you called me a genius.
OWNING THE RIGHT TO SLOATH:
The Set Up: Talk up a game or a show that is going to on TV - don't be too obvious, but just enough so she "hears" it at least 3 times - that is important. Make sure it isn't a game you really want to see but wouldn't mind. Come the day of the game/show, it starts, she comes into the room and starts in. Pull the MAN WOMAN thing but this time stand up, smile and say, "OK, lets get at it!" and start walking towards the project. She may jump in and (to wit this action you just did can be used later as ammo) or she may look a bit confused "Honey, I thought you wanted to see the UCONN/Duke game?" -----BANG! you got her. Chances of her saying it are slim, but if she does, you now have serious high ground. So, what to do with the position you have established?




nope, I knew you would say that.

Try this "Honey, I really respect the fact that your trying to manage this home and frankly it is the best place to be on Earth. I want to help you. Show me what I can do."

If she is the type I think she is. She may never infringe on your space again only if you share in about 12% of the duties around the house - but make sure you do those things perfect. While doing the things she wants you to do, about 30 min in, drop this, "I hope they have the re-caps on ESPN tonight...(or if your taping it) Sweetie, if you find out the score of the game please do me a favor and don't tell me. Thanks, would you like a Diet Coke?"

Stuff is Gold Jerry! Gold!

LMFAO.... as they say: "brilliant!"

Lube, I've got to say, some of the things you are saying are brilliant...if you can keep a straight face. Excellent.

I think Lube's understanding that they are really different animals than men provides a basis for logical thought. Mechanically based logical thought when dealing with them is a winner imo.

I think most of these women issues started way back when we allowed them to wear shoes.

A Hymn to Him
 

HIGGINS
What in all of heaven could've promted her to go,
After such a triumph as the ball?
What could've depressed her;
What could've possessed her?
I cannot understand the wretch at all.

Women are irrational, that's all there is to that!
There heads are full of cotton, hay, and rags!
They're nothing but exasperating, irritating,
vacillating, calculating, agitating,
Maddening and infuriating hags!
[To Pickering]
Pickering, why can't a woman be more like a man?
PICKERING
Hmm?
HIGGINS
Yes...
Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square;
Eternally noble, historic'ly fair;
Who, when you win, will always give your back a pat.
Well, why can't a woman be like that?

Why does ev'ryone do what the others do?
Can't a woman learn to use her head?
Why do they do ev'rything their mothers do?
Why don't they grow up- well, like their father instead?

Why can't a woman take after a man?
Men are so pleasant, so easy to please;
Whenever you are with them, you're always at ease.

Would you be slighted if I didn't speak for hours?
PICKERING
Of course not!
HIGGINS
Would you be livid if I had a drink or two?
PICKERING
Nonsense.
HIGGINS
Would you be wounded if I never sent you flowers?
PICKERING
Never.
HIGGINS
Well, why can't a woman be like you?

One man in a million may shout a bit.
Now and then there's one with slight defects;
One, perhaps, whose truthfulness you doubt a bit.
But by and large we are a marvelous sex!

Why can't a woman take after like a man?
Cause men are so friendly, good natured and kind.
A better companion you never will find.

If I were hours late for dinner, would you bellow?
PICKERING
Of course not!
HIGGINS
If I forgot your silly birthday, would you fuss?
PICKERING
Nonsense.
HIGGINS
Would you complain if I took out another fellow?
PICKERING
Never.
HIGGINS
Well, why can't a woman be like us?

[To Mrs. Pearce]
Mrs. Pearce, you're a woman...

Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so decent, such regular chaps.
Ready to help you through any mishaps.
Ready to buck you up whenever you are glum.
Why can't a woman be a chum?

Why is thinking something women never do?
Why is logic never even tried?
Straight'ning up their hair is all they ever do.
Why don't they straighten up the mess that's inside?

Why can't a woman behave like a man?
If I was a woman who'd been to a ball,
Been hailed as a princess by one and by all;
Would I start weeping like a bathtub overflowing?
And carry on as if my home were in a tree?
Would I run off and never tell me where I'm going?
Why can't a woman be like me?