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If you have ever testified in court, you might wish you could have
been as sharp as this Cop.

A defense attorney was cross-examining a Police officer during a
felony trial-it went like this....

Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the
description of the offender running several blocks away.

Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.

Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called
offender... Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.

Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer, do you have a
room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily
duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.

Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.

Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.

Q. Now why is it officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your
life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you
share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with the entire court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's best
comeback line and we think he'll win

That's hilarious.

Here's one that is not as funny, and some may not appreciate as much as I, but I thought it was a razor sharp answer. I do labor statistics, and was once working with another consultant on a wage comparison arbitration. Dr. Ott (my colleague) was on the stand, and opposing counsel asked him "Dr. Ott, in your professional opinion, can statistics lie?

Dr. Ott stared at the ceiling for a moment in a manner that seemed as though he had never considered this question before and wanted to make sure he gave a fully accurate answer. His answer was "No."

And he was right. Researchers lie, and data can be inaccurate or misinterpreted, but statistics do not lie.

Years ago I attended a lecture by Gore Vidal at U.C. Davis. A smartass grad student thought he caught Vidal in an inconsistancy. He said, "But Mr. Vidal, in 1964 in an interview with Time magazine you said this was not the case. Now you say it is. How do you explain the switch in your position?"

Gore Vidal replied, "What the hell did I know in 1964? I was your age."

i always thought "jerk store" was best.

gotta share this comeback / comment - came in from doing some yard work, wife says to hurry up and take a shower cuz we have some friends coming over. I jump in and soap and rinse pretty fast. Normally I take about 30 mins in there, this one was less than 5. She comes into the bathroom. I standing dripping wet and naked to the wind. I see she happens to glace at the member:
"Wow - that's one for the record books!" (she was refering to the shower speed).
"Honey, now I know you haven't seen that many, but I assure you I am a man of typical proportions...but I appricate the enthusiasm!"
She just stood there, dropped jaw not knowing what to say, eventually just shook her head and walked away. The rest of the day she would just shake her head and laugh.

haha, that's a good one lube :D

Reminds me of these two:

Quote:

This is an extract of an National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Army Lieutenant General Reinwald about sponsoring a Boy Scout Troop on his military installation. It's not true...

Interviewer: "So, LTG Reinwald, what are you going to do with these young boys on their adventure holiday?"

LTG Reinwald: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."

Interviewer: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"

LTG Reinwald: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the range."

Interviewer: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"

LTG Reinwald: "I don't see how, we will be teaching them proper range discipline before they even touch a firearm."

Interviewer: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."

LTG Reinwald: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?"

End of the interview

Quote:

In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high
glucose levels found in semen. A young female (FRESHMAN)
raised her hand and asked, "If I understand, you're saying
there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar in male semen?"

"That's correct", responded the professor, going on to add
statistical info. Raising her hand again, the girl asked,
"Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing,
the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized
exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied),
she picked up her books without a word and walked out of
class... and never returned.

However, as she was going out the door, the Professor's
reply was classic...

Totally straight-faced he answered her question, "It
doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness
are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your
throat."