There's only one... what is the single most embarrassing event in your life?

[LeeH]

My wife used to work for a management consulting firm that welcomed new employees by having them stand up at the monthly company meeting and tell about their most embarrassing moment. She always came back with great stories. I figure there must be some here.

Mine happened when I was in college. I worked in a small video store. I'd been having terrible allergies which lead to a sinus infection which lead to gobs of dark green goo running down the back of my throat. I checked out a customer and looked around the store to confirm I was alone, then commenced some serious throat clearing followed by snorting, more throat clearing, spitting in the garbage can, etc, etc, etc... I was determined to hack up as much phlem as possible as the afternoon rush would start soon and I'd have to be more polite about it. I came up from dropping a major glob in the can to see a woman standing at the counter. I wasn't nearly as alone as I thought. All I could say was, "Sorry... I've been sick."

[singpilot]

When I first started in this business, was flying a rich guy in a small jet. He was famous for calling on the way to the airport to say he needed to go somewhere. Several times, by the time I had found the other pilot, and assembled whatever I needed to go flying, the boss would beat us to the hangar. He would have the hangar doors open, and be standing there while we got ready to go. Needless to say, the pressure was always on (I didn't work for this guy very long).

On this one occaision, he had said he needed to be in Portland ASAP. We got airbourne, and were an hour out of Portland when he came up front and asked why the cabin display said we were already an hour out of Portland.... Of course, both of the pilots looked at each other, and I stammered something about that it is only a 2 hour flight from LA. He said every time he had ever done it, it was like 6 hours. (I am thinking his last burned-the-bridge-behind-him pilot had flown his sorry ass for 6 hours just to screw him on the way to Portland).

Of course, he WANTED to go to Portland Maine. I HEARD him say Portland, and THOUGHT Oregon.

We landed in Oakland, refueled, and went to Maine.

This guy was a screamer. He would scream at you from the cabin for something that had gone wrong, or the bumps, or the phone was busy and he couldn't dial out, anything. He got off on screaming.

I quit a week later.

[jyl]

Like I'm going to tell anyone.

[LeeH]

Originally posted by jyl
Like I'm going to tell anyone.

That bad, was it?

[djmcmath]

I definitely have a couple of pretty rough moments. The first one that comes to mind ... I was a young midshipman at the US Naval Academy. USNA policy was to use midshipmen to enforce basic security at various events -- basketball games, football games, and the like -- to ensure against people wandering in one of the many alternate entries without a ticket. I was stationed at a roped off entryway that really looked like it should have been an authorized entry, but wasn't. People would wander up and try to get around me, and I'd say, "I'm sorry, sir, you can't go this way." Then I'd politely direct them to one of the authorized entry points.

So I see a guy come in the outer doors. He's a little older, and kind of balding, and looks vaguely familiar, but I can't place him. He walks straight towards me, not even slowing down. I snapped briskly from "parade rest" to "attention," raising the hand in the universal symbol of "stop," and gave him my standard line: "I'm sorry, sir, you can't go this way." He looked vaguely amused at this childish midshipman as he responded, "But I'm The Admiral." And then I recognized him -- the 4-star Admiral in charge of the entire Academy. Ooh.





Ok, the other one that's in pretty close competition: Valentines Day. First "real" date with a girl. She knows I have a Porsche 911, but the parts I needed to get it back running hadn't arrived yet, so I had to pick her up in the beater Honda -- strike one. She had a real steep driveway, and I managed to kill it trying to pull out -- strike two. Then, my car had a weird intermittent warm-start problem (turned out to be the FI relay), and the car wouldn't start -- strike three. I own a Porsche 911, but can't pick you up in it because it's broken. And I can't drive stick. And I can't even maintain my daily driver well enough that it will restart on command.

Oh -- same evening: it's raining, and I'm a gentleman, so when we finish dinner and head back outside, I tell her to wait at the entry of the restaurant while I go get the car. I dash out into the parking lot, unlock the driver's side door, get in, and drive up to the covered entryway area. Before she can open her own door, I jump out and dash around the car to get the door for her ........... but I forgot to unlock it. (sigh) and there were people watching, too. At least I drew a laugh on that one.




So that's three, but they're worth it.

[Schrup]

Shortly before I got married the first time, I was living in an downstairs bedroom of my future in-laws. My future wife was living upstairs. I came upstairs one morning still groggy, walked up behind who I thought was my Fiancee getting ready for church in the upstairs bathroom, & grabbed two big ole handfuls off ass. Turns out it was my future, very religious, mother in law cleaning the bathroom. She wasn't too happy, and expressed her displeasure that I would do such a thing to her daughter.

[LeeH]

Schrup! I can only imagine what that felt like... no pun intended!

I think the worst "embarrassing moment" story I ever heard was told to me by a former coworker about a friend he'd known for years. We both worked in a video store during college and my coworker's friend's would come in and hang around the store. One of the guys was always referred to as "Twinkie," but only in his absence. If someone slipped and said Twinkie when he was around he went ballistic. One day I asked my friend where the guy got the nickname. My coworker started snickering and shaking his head.

Turns out when they were in high school the group went over to the home of the one who would forever be known as Twinkie, one fateful night without calling ahead. They decided to see if they could scare him by suddenly banging on the windows. They peeked in windows around the house and finally found their target... in quite the compromising position. There was their friend and the family dog getting intimate. The guy was standing there with his pants around his ankles using the creme filling from a Twinkie to win Fido's affection. I'm sure high school was never quite the same.

[David]

There was this time I got naked at the... no I can't tell that one.

OK, one time I really had to pee and I.. no I can't tell that one either. I'm gonna have to skip this thread.

[AFJuvat]

Passing out at my wedding reception.

AFJuvat

[oldE]

I used to work for a dairy, delivering to a variety of stores, restaurants and homes, whenever the regular drivers went on vacation. Way back when calculators were more trouble than they were worth for adding a few items on an invoice, I had sold a dozen or so items to a small restaurant operator. As I added up the invoice, she asked me a question. I answered, then realized I wasn't sure where I had stopped in my total, so re-started. Part way through the exercise, she asked another question. I made a mark by the last number added into the total, but after answering, couldn't be sure that one had been added, so began again. It was the end of a long summer day and I must admit I had not absorbed all the fine points of "How to treat the customer" at this stage of my career. Part way through the third attempt to total her invoice, she asked,"Aren't you going to add up my bill?"
The retort came out of my big mouth too fast for my tired brain to stop, "I would, if somebody would shut the f*ck up!"
After a few seconds, she gave a little smile, said "Hum." and walked into the other part of the restaurant. I learned to be more careful (or at least diplomatic) and spent another 23 years with the firm. She didn't remain in business long, but always had a smile and hello when we met after that.
Les

[Willem Fick]

There was this time my mom accidentally walked in on myself and my girlfriend getting very wel,... er,... uhm,... friendly under the duvet.

Problem is that the girl was "very excited" at that very instant, and all she could do was bite into my shoulder, leaving me to smile a "we're not doing what you think we're doing" smile (grimace?) at my mother.

My shoulder was black and blue for weeks...