I'm Chairman of the bored.

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.

Just when I say
"Boy we can't miss
You are golden"
Then you do this
You say this guy is so cool
Snapping his fingers like a fool
One more expensive kiss-off
Who do you think I am

Lord I know you're a special friend
But you don't seem to understand
We got heavy rollers
I think you should know
Try again tomorrow

Can't you see they're laughing at me
Get rid off him
I don't care what you do at home
Would you care to explain

Who is the gaucho amigo
Why is he standing
In your spangled leather poncho
And your elevator shoes
Bodacious cowboys
Such as your friend
Will never be welcome here
High in the Custerdome

What I tell you
Back down the line
I'll scratch your back
You can scratch mine
No he can't sleep on the floor
What do you think I'm yelling for
I'll drop him near the freeway
Doesn't he have a home

Lord I know you're a special friend
But you refuse to understand
You're a nasty schoolboy
With no place to go
Try again tomorrow

Don't tell me he'll wait in the car
Look at you
Holding hands with the man from Rio
Would you care to explain

Who is the gaucho amigo
Why is he standing
In your spangled leather poncho
With the studs that match your eyes
Bodacious cowboys
Such as your friend
Will never be welcome here
High in the Custerdome

If I had my way
I would move to another lifetime
I'd quit my job
Ride the train through the misty nighttime
I'll be ready when my feet touch ground
Wherever I come down
And if the folks will have me
Then they'll have me

CHORUS:
Any world that I'm welcome to
Is better than the one I come from

I can hear your words
When you speak of what you are and have seen
I can see your hand
Reaching out through a shining daydream
Where the days and nights are not the same
Captured happy in a picture frame
Honey I will be there
Yes I'll be there

CHORUS

I got this thing inside me
That's got to find a place to hide me
I only know I must obey
This feeling I can't explain away

I think I'll go to the park
Watch the children playing
Perhaps I'll find in my head
What my heart is saying
A vision of a child returning
A kingdom where the sky is burning
Honey I will be there
Yes I'll be there

CHORUS

The LV Shuffle
 

I'm a man, without a soul...Honey
Who lost it, while parading it,
in a town full of thieves
Yasee I didn't want to be with any people I know
But God knows, that I didn't wana be alone
I thought if I acted like someone else I would feel more comfortable with myself

So I showered down- left my little room
I jumped in my car, for protection from hostility
well it ain't easy to be bold, in an unknown city
I was feeling strong mouthed , but weak willed
When I ran into the cure for my ills

Don't tell me, what your name is,
I want your body not your mind
I want a feeeling worth paying for
before I say goodbye

But as I was talking, I couldn't look her in the eyes
I just kept wondering
How many men, unleashed their fustration between her thighs

There will be no sleep till the mornining
There will be no lulabyes
Cause anothers borrowed my cloths, just for tonight

Well my adrenalin, was curdling like cream
as I was being led by the hand
through the sound of sirens
And the distant noise of some drunken jazz band
Through the stench of disinfectant
That infected my head
Through the darkness of a corridor
And into a strangers bed

Well I didn't want to hurt your feelings honey
But I couldn't supress my own
I had to pull myself outa this nose dive
By proving something to myself

She was lying on her back with her lips parted
Squealing like a stuffed pig
I was going through the motions
faking the emotions
And wriggling around like a lizard in a tin

Trying so hard to cleanse myself
I was turning into somebody else
I was trying so hard to please myself
I was turning into somebody else
I was trying so hard to be myself
I was turning into somebody else

Come my love, with your desire
Out of the blue and into the fire

Somewhere
over the rainbow
skies are blue,
and the dreams that you dare to dream
really do come true.

In the first days of this country when the buffalo roamed the land
All the saddle tramps and cowboys used to roll their own by hand
Well they'd swing up to the saddle on their ass or on their horse
And recite a little ditty that went like this of course

When your feet are in the stirrups and your ass is on the ground
Cause the grass that he's been eating is the finest stuff around
Well let us not remember boys and let us not forget
Strike a match and light another marijuana cigarette

Ah you have heard of evil and you've heard of misery
And you heard of Richard Nixon but you haven't heard of me
You may think they go together and you may think that they do not
But there ain't much you'll be thinking once you've started smoking pot

When your feet are in the stirrups and your ass is on the ground
Cause the grass that he's been eating is the finest stuff around
Well let us not remember boys and let us not forget
Strike a match and light another marijuana cigarette

Well you can smoke it, you can eat it, you can mix it with your beer
You can hang it on the wall and you can hang it in your ear
And if you've got the notion, and if he's got the class
You can shove it in your feedbag and feed it to your ass

When your feet are in the stirrups and your ass is on the ground
Cause the grass that he's been eating is the finest stuff around
Well let us not remember boys and let us not forget
Strike a match and light another marijuana cigarette

Will lies become truths in this face of fading youth

Its funny as we grow old
We cling to the past as we cling to the air
and feel nostalgia for things that were...maybe never there

Come and lay down by my side
Till the early morning light
All I'm askin' is your time
Help me make it throught the night.

Your life is slipping away
You found out that your older than you thought you were
Today
You've gotta stay optimistic
it gets harder by the second
we all know we are edging our way towards the end

I watch the sun go down on las Vegas town
I wait for the night voices to sound
I smell the pain on the breath of the lost and lonley
I hear the thoughts that whisper in the hearts of all men

This is your captain calling..."With a urgent warning"
We're above the Gulf of Arabia..."Our altitude is falling"
And I can't keep her up..."theres no time for thinking."
All hands on deck...."This bird is sinking."

I started as an alter boy, working at the church
Learning all my holy moves, doing some research
Which led me to a cash box, labeled "Children's Fund"
I'd leave the change, and tuck the bills inside my cummerbund

I got a part-time job at my father's carpet store
Laying tackless stripping, and housewives by the score
I loaded up their furniture, and took it to Spokane
And auctioned off every last naugahyde divan

I'm very well aquainted with the seven deadly sins
I keep a busy schedule trying to fit them in
I'm proud to be a glutton, and I don't have time for sloth
I'm greedy, and I'm angry, and I don't care who I cross

I'm Mr. Bad Example, intruder in the dirt
I like to have a good time, and I don't care who gets hurt
I'm Mr. Bad Example, take a look at me
I'll live to be a hundred, and go down in infamy

Of course I went to law school and took a law degree
And counseled all my clients to plead insanity
Then worked in hair replacement, swindling the bald
Where very few are chosen, and fewer still are called

Then on to Monte Carlo to play chemin de fer
I threw away the fortune I made transplanting hair
I put my last few francs down on a prostitute
Who took me up to her room to perform the flag salute

Whereupon I stole her passport and her wig
And headed for the airport and the midnight flight, you dig?
And fourteen hours later I was down in Adelaide
Looking through the want ads sipping Fosters in the shade

I opened up an agency somewhere down the line
To hire aboriginals to work the opal mines
But I attached their wages and took a whopping cut
And whisked away their workman's comp and pauperized the lot

I'm Mr. Bad Example, intruder in the dirt
I like to have a good time, and I don't care who gets hurt
I'm Mr. Bad Example, take a look at me
I'll live to be a hundred and go down in infamy

I bought a first class ticket on Malaysian Air
And landed in Sri Lanka none the worse for wear
I'm thinking of retiring from all my dirty deals
I'll see you in the next life, wake me up for meals

It's no good trying to place your hand
where I can't see because I understand
that you're different from me
yes I can tell
that you can't be what you pretend
and you're rocking me backwards
and you're rocking towards the
red and yellow mane of a stallion horse.

It's no good trying to hold your love
where I can't see because I understand
that you're different from me
yes I can tell
that you can't be what you pretend
the caterpillar hood won't cover the head of you
know you should be home in bed.

It's no good holding your sequin fan
where I can't see because I understand
that you're different from me
yes I can tell
that you can't be what you pretend
yes you're spinning around and around in a car
with electric lights flashing very fast

Weren't you at the Coke convention back in 1965
Your the misbred, grey executive I've seen heavily advertised
Your the great, grey man whose daughter licks Policemens buttons clean
Your the man who squats behind the man who works the soft machine

Come now Gentleman , Your love is all I crave

I am just an aging Drummer Boy
And in the wars I used to play
And I've called the tune
To many a torture session
Now they say I am a war criminal
And I'm fading away
Father please hear my confession

I have legalised robbery
Called it a belief
I have run with the money
And hid like a thief
I have re-written history
With my armies and my crooks
Invented memories
I did burn all the books
And I can still hear his laughter
And I can still hear his song
The mans to big
The mans too strong

Well I have tried to be meek
And I have tried to be mild
But I spat like a woman
And sulked like a child
I have lived behind walls
That have made me alone
Striven for peace
Which I have never known
And I can still hear his laughter
And I still can hear his song
The mans to big
The mans too strong

Well the sun rose on the courtyard
And they all did hear him say
You always were a Judas
But I got you anyway
You may have got your silver
BHut I swear upon my life
Your sister gave me diamonds
And I gave them to your wife
Oh father please help me
For I have doen wrong
The mans to big
The mans too strong

I remember you in Las Vegas back in 1956
Your a faggy little leather boy with a smaller piece of stick
Your a lashing, smashing hunk of man
Your sweat shines sweet and strong
Your organs working perfectly but theres a part thats not screwed on

People are crazy and times are strange
I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range
I used to care, but things have changed