Dennis Miller comment on Israel

[Por_sha911]

"A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service to all Americans who still don't get it, I now offer you the story of the Middle East in just a few paragraphs, which is all you Really need.

Here we go:

The Palestinians want their own country. There's just one thing about that: There are no Palestinians. It's a made up word. Israel was called Palestine for two thousand years. Like "Wiccan," "Palestinian" sounds ancient but is really a modern invention. Before the Israelis won the land in the 1967 war, Gaza was owned by Egypt, the West Bank was owned by Jordan, and there were no "Palestinians."

As soon as the Jews took over and started growing oranges as big as basketballs, what do you know, say hello to the "Palestinians," weeping for their deep bond with their lost "land" and "nation."

So for the sake of honesty, let's not use the word "Palestinian" any more to describe these delightful folks, who dance for joy at our defeats until someone points out they're being taped. Instead, let's call them what they are: "Other Arabs Who Can't Accomplish Anything In Life And Would Rather Wrap Themselves In The Seductive Melodrama Of Eternal Struggle And Death."

I know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN. How about this, then: "Adjacent Jew-Haters." Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want their own country. Oops, just one more thing: No, they don't. They could've had their own country any time in the last thirty years, especially two years a go at Camp David. But if you have your own country, you have to have traffic lights and garbage trucks and Chambers of Commerce, and, worse, you actually have to figure out some way to make a living.

That's no fun. No, they want what all the other Jew-Haters in the region want: Israel. They also want a big pile of dead Jews, of course --that's where the real fun is -- but mostly they want Israel.

Why? For one thing, trying to destroy Israel - or "The Zionist Entity" as their textbooks call it -- for the last fifty years has allowed the rulers of Arab countries to divert the attention of their own people away from the fact that they're the blue-ribbon most illiterate, poorest, and tribally backward on God's Earth, and if you've ever been around God's Earth, you know that's really saying something.

It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our pundits waxes poetic about the great history and culture of the Muslim Mid east. Unless I'm missing something, the Arabs haven't given anything to the world since Algebra, and, by the way, thanks a hell of a lot for that one.

Chew this around and spit it out: Five hundred million Arabs; five Million Jews. Think of all the Arab countries as a football field, and Israel as a pack of matches sitting in the middle of it. And now these same folks swear that if Israel gives them half of that pack of matches, everyone will be pals.

Really? Wow, what neat news. Hey, but what about the string of wars to obliterate the tiny country and the constant din of rabid blood oaths to drive every Jew into the sea? Oh, that? We were just kidding.

My friend, Kevin Rooney, made a gorgeous point the other day: Just reverse the numbers. Imagine five hundred million Jews and five million Arabs. I was stunned at the simple brilliance of it. Can anyone picture the Jews strapping belts of razor blades and dynamite to themselves? Of course not.

Or marshaling every fiber and force at their disposal for generations to drive a tiny Arab State into the sea? Nonsense. Or dancing for joy at the murder of innocents? Impossible. Or spreading and believing horrible lies about the Arabs baking their bread with the blood of children?
Disgusting.

No, as you know, left to themselves in a world of peace, the worst Jews would ever do to people is debate them to death.

Mr. Bush, God bless him, is walking a tightrope. I understand that with vital operations in Iraq and others, it's in our interest, as Americans, to try to stabilize our Arab allies as much as possible, and, after all, that can't be much harder than stabilizing a roomful of super models who've just had their drugs taken away.

However, in any big-picture strategy, there's always a danger of losing moral weight. We've already lost some. After September 11th our president told us and the world he was going to root out all terrorists and the countries that supported them. Beautiful. Then the Israelis, after months and months of having the equivalent of an Oklahoma City every week (and then every day) start to do the same thing we did, and we tell them to show restraint.

If America were being attacked with an Oklahoma City every day, we would all very shortly be screaming for the administration to just be done with it and kill everything south of the Mediterranean and east of the Jordan.

[on-ramp]

Did Mr. Miller say a prayer for all the innocent women and children bombed in Lebanon today?

[Drdogface]

What about all the innocent women and children in Israel killed by Hezbo rockets....and the Hezbo's started the whole damn thing... you F'ing Bozo.

[Howard Agency]

Wow, from a renowned Bush Basher. Good read, thanks.

[speeder]

Dennis Miller a "Bush Basher"??

He's a card-carrying assclown, I mean Republican.

[RallyJon]

I loved Dennis Miller on HBO. Then they put him on, what, CNBC or something and he sucks.

[dafischer]

Originally posted by Drdogface
What about all the innocent women and children in Israel killed by Hezbo rockets....and the Hezbo's started the whole damn thing... you F'ing Bozo.

It's always amazing how some on this board can't express themselves without resorting to name-calling.

And, unfortunately, it's not the "Hezbo's" who are doing the dying in Lebanon.

[ronin]

it's not the "Hezbos" who are doing the dying in Israel either

[fastpat]

Originally posted by Drdogface
What about all the innocent women and children in Israel killed by Hezbo rockets....and the Hezbo's started the whole damn thing... you F'ing Bozo.

No, the Hezbollah fighters did not start the whole "******" thing. The Israeli's did.

Clearly, you are a know-nothing about the whole issue.

[fastpat]

Originally posted by ronin
it's not the "Hezbos" who are doing the dying in Israel either

Eventually, they or someone like them will be.

[Tobra]

Originally posted by dafischer
It's always amazing how some on this board can't express themselves without resorting to name-calling.

And, unfortunately, it's not the "Hezbo's" who are doing the dying in Lebanon.

Exactly right, they are just responsible for all the dying in Lebanon.

Go ahead, argue that point. Israel gave them what, 15 years to even begin to enforce the UN resolutions for the "Hezbo's" to disarm, or at the very least stop blowing people up.

You need to read that first post again

[nostatic]

could we cut down on the name calling? Its fine if you don't agree and think the other person is an idiot...just don't call them names. Make your point and move on.

[fastpat]

Originally posted by Tobra
Israel gave them what, 15 years to even begin to enforce the UN resolutions for the "Hezbo's" to disarm, or at the very least stop blowing people up.

Hezbollah will never disarm because Israel is stealing their land and isn't disarmed.

When Israel disarms gives the land back the attacks will cease.

[dafischer]

You miss my point, the operative word was unfortunately.

I'm not disputing that civilians are dying in Israel, which sucks since they didn't start it, but neither did the Lebanese civilians, who are taking the brunt of it.

[dafischer]

Originally posted by Tobra
Exactly right, they are just responsible for all the dying in Lebanon.

Go ahead, argue that point. Israel gave them what, 15 years to even begin to enforce the UN resolutions for the "Hezbo's" to disarm, or at the very least stop blowing people up.

You need to read that first post again

I tried to, but Dennis Miller gives me a rash.

[jdm61]

Originally posted by fastpat
Hezbollah will never disarm because Israel is stealing their land and isn't disarmed.

When Israel disarms gives the land back the attacks will cease.

Just like they stopped attacking and bombing after they "got their land back" 6 years ago? Pat....your Hez-buddies will not rest, nor will their Iranian masters until the 12th Imam climbs out of his well and no Jew draws breath ANYWHERE!!!!!!
And by the way.....this term "Hezbos" is offensive. Can we call them "Hezbians"? LOL

[sammyg2]

This thread is much better with about half of it on the ignore list.

Poo Poo head.

[fastpat]

Originally posted by jdm61
Just like they (Hezbullah) stopped attacking and bombing after they "got their land back" 6 years ago?

They did'nt get their land back. Where did you get such a ridiculous notion?

[jdm61]

Originally posted by fastpat
They did'nt get their land back. Where did you get such a ridiculous notion?

Oh I'm sorry....you are correct....they didn't get south Lebanon back and they have never had it since the DIRTY JEWS invaded Palestine. GEE.......then why were the Lebanese Shiites fighting the Palestinians back in the day for squatting on "their land"? Did the Israelis have a mortgage on it? lol I guess i got my ridiculous notion from the fact that Hezb'Allah has armed outposts right on the Lebanon-Israel border that they fired rockets and mortar shells from........until a couple of weeks ago......silly me You would have known that had you been paying attention, but I guess that it is hard to read even the New York Times through the walls of your descending colon

[Don Plumley]

Without getting into the merits of the, uh, debate, let's at least clarify the source of the article. From snopes.com:

Claim: Comedian Dennis Miller is the author of "A Brief Overview of the Situation," an Internet-circulated essay about the Arab-Israeli conflict.

Status: False.

Example: [Collected via e-mail, 2002]

Dennis Miller's rant on the Middle East crisis.

"A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service to all Americans who still don't get it, I now offer you the story of the Middle East in just a few paragraphs, which is all you really need. Don't thank me. I'm a giver. Here we go:


Origins: Comedian Dennis Miller Dennis Miller is celebrated for his R-rated, no-holds-barred political commentaries because they cut to the heart of disturbing issues by using humor as a lens through which to view current events. His "rants" make us laugh, but they also make us think, which lifts his form of humor above mere entertainment and into the realm of provocative editorializing that so often helps folks see old situations in a new light.

The voice of the Internet essay now attributed to him seems to many to be his, and its appearance in their inboxes emblazoned with a notation that it's "from Dennis Miller" confirms this perception. Yet the piece now being laid at his feet is not his work; it's the effort of another social commentator who bears a similar name.

This diatribe is actually part of a column by humorist Larry Miller which appeared in the Daily Standard on 22 April 2002. It is a reaction piece to a 10 April 2002 FOX News Network interview conducted by Greta van Susteren with Ishmael Abu-Shanab, spokesman for the Hamas political wing in the Gaza strip, and American attorney Stanley Cohen, who has represented the head of Hamas.

The version circulating on the Internet omits a four-paragraph lead-in about the ludicrosity of anyone named Cohen's defending Hamas, the Palestinian organization responsible for the 27 March Passover bombing that killed 19 and injured 100 at a hotel in Netanya, as well as many other bombings. It also leaves off the five-paragraph finish primarily devoted to a discussion of Colin Powell's (then) projected peace mission and disparagement of van Susteren's politeness to her two guests. The core of the article — the "brief overview" — is reproduced faithfully.

This was not the first piece by Larry Miller to have gained widespread Internet circulation while attributed to a different source. In March 2002, his essay decrying a tendency to minimalize the horror of terrorism and society's washing its hands of problems that don't yield to easy solutions ("You Say You Want a Resolution") rocketed through cyberspace attributed to Gen. Richard E. Hawley, a United States Air Force general.

Larry Miller suffers the unenviable fate of seeing not one, but two of his essays acclaimed by the masses but attributed to other writers. This is not the sort of fame every author aspires to.

Barbara "yet again, one too many Millers has led to befuddlement" Mikkelson

Last updated: 28 July 2006