Advice please , I messed up big time.
 

I recently found out that I will be a father in the fall.

help.... words of wisdom needed.

The girl I have been dating is cool, our relationship was casual.
We messed up and now I have to figure out what the best plan is for us and our baby.

I have heard many horror stories, in fact I have lived through a breakup with my ex wife and a custody battle. I am still living through that, now this.

Anyhow, I know I screwed up, how can I make the best out of this?

I am considering a few different options.

1 marry the girl.
2 try to work out a non marital child rearing situation.
3 head to South America and start over.

Life is getting harder for me....

I know what I'd try to do, but it isn't one of your listed options.

yeah, what would you do?

Fall, that's like 7 or 8 months away, right?

You both messed up. She is saddled with it for the next 20 years or so and you should be as well.

Option #3 is not an option if you are a man. A man does not run away from responsibilities. Assume you were joking with this option but wanted to add this just in case.

You need to do some soul searching and ask yourself if you love her or was this just a fling. The child needs a Father and you should be more than a sperm donor.

Have you talked this over with the young woman?

Joe

This is the kind of question you should not be asking a bunch of strangers.

But since you already have, put the kid up for adoption. Growing up in a household where Mom and Dad do not love each other and may end up hating each other can scar a kid for life. It deserves better life.

My $0.02

great, another kid on welfare that we have to pay for.

one word: adoption.

stick around to support the mom during the pregnancy, put the baby up for adoption, then go to south america.

Re: Advice please , I messed up big time.
 

And on the tech side, you're asking what to "look for in a 911"...in the $10K range? Trollin'...trollin'...trollin'. Ain't it fun??? :D

I'm a traditionalist. In this situation, #1 would be all I would consider.

I have two friends (that I know of) who are married because of this situation:

One found out after dating his now-wife just under a month. He was a senior in college and she was a sophomore. They have been married for seven years now and they have two kids. He and his wife love each other very much, though they have combative personalities (it's just their style--she's Mexican and he's Irish). They will never publicly admit that they are madly in love with each other, but they'd be miserable apart as they put their children above everything else in their lives.

Another friend found out that his girlfriend was pregnant while he was in the middle of ring shopping. He panicked. He had second thoughts. He considered running. Though he is 29, he didn't want to tell his parents and FEARED telling hers. Ultimately, they got married a little quicker than they had at first wanted and delayed telling their families until after the wedding. They've been married 11 months and have a six month old son. They seem very committed to each other and I hope they have a long, happy marriage.

Re: Re: Advice please , I messed up big time.
 

shhhh! It's a social experiment ;)

maybe I'll go post that baby seats do fit in the back...

My ex-father in law had a saying:

"The first one can come anytime. The rest take nine months!"

Make her get an abortion. Buy your 911. Don't screw up again.

oh, and get a paternity test.

The is the only sound advise that has been given so far.

1. Ask her what she wants, this may steer your choices.
2. Get a paternity test. Yes it'll piss her off probably.
3. Do the right thing by your kid, it may be REALLY hard, but living with the alternative would be harder.

yeah, just talked with her.
we are going to tell her parents and mine.
then find a place to live together.
then raise the kid together and try and get along.
then get a 911, she really likes them.

good for you and good luck and best wishes for everyone.

I think it will work out. Luckily she is a lot like me. We are going to draw up a contract that will spell out our wants and needs.
I do not think we will get married right away, but maybe in the future.
It is a scary situation for me to be in, since the last one went so badly, but I will stay positive and try to keep our lines of communication open.