Sister rant

[oldE]

My own sisters are amazing ladies, but I have a SIL I have known since university. The saving grace with her is that she introduced me to my wife of 43 years.
My SIL has an astounding sense of self entitlement. She got flatware and dishes for her first apartment by stealing it from the dining hall. Time (other people's) means nothing to her. At her father's funeral, she was fifteen minutes late. We would have started without her, but she had the first remarks. While we were waiting for her to grace the assembly with her presence, I said, "H**** will be late for her own funeral.." The funeral director overheard me and responded, "Give her to us. She'll be on time!" I was considering whether to take up his offer on the spot.
The woman is a slob. It is hard to find a square yard of her home which is not full of clutter.
She too has a son who can barely get out of his own way. Her daughters got out as soon as they could and are decent young women.
It is hard to believe she and my wife are related.

They say you can't choose your relatives. In this case, I chose a family which outweighs the one individual.

Best
Les

[Por_sha911]

Originally Posted by red-beard

My mother is an enabler. I believe she created this problem.

Originally Posted by red-beard

Update: My sister continues to be a narcissistic enabler...

I think I'm seeing a pattern here.
OBTW, ballerina? Maybe you've heard the terms "prima ballerina" and "prima donna"?
Just sayin...

One more thing, your wife is right, she will always be your sister and as such, you must love her. You don't have to like her or put up with her stuff. Tough love.

[Rawknees'Turbo]

Originally Posted by Bob Kontak

. . .
I got a sister. . .

Tell her I said hi, Bobasaurous!

[Bill Douglas]

One of my sisters, for the sake of the conversation let's call her Julie. Julie is the sister from hell. Anything bad in a person can be found in her.

Apart from her telling me to f' off and die - i met her half way over this. I don't have anything to do with her as she is a very dangerous person. Lies and accusations against people. i know that if I'm around my time will come and I don't want that sort of evil in my life.

[wayner]

Originally Posted by Por_sha911

One more thing, your wife is right, she will always be your sister and as such, you must love her. You don't have to like her or put up with her stuff. Tough love.

With all due respect

BULL****

For a person with some social awkwardness, I agree
BUT, there exists some truly toxic and damaging individuals in this world whose mission seems to be to destroy those around them. They should be avoided. Engage at your peril. Blood, family, vows, non of it should ever be greater than the love of ones self or the need for self preservation. To believe otherwise is well intentioned but naive.

I’ll spare my own shocking details, but, Bill’s post above is a case in point.

[MBAtarga]

I've got 4 sisters (I'm an only son and next to youngest) and can say I don't have any issues with any of them. The oldest is about 8 years older than me and the youngest is 4 years younger. As adults we've never been very close, so maybe that's why there haven't been any problems - just overall minimal exposure - other than holidays and such.

[SiberianDVM]

I have 1 step-sister, and we haven't spoken 1 non-snarky word to one another in 10 years. Thankfully, we have to see one another only at Christmas. Even my GF doesn't like her, and she likes almost everyone.

[GH85Carrera]

Wow, this thread is interesting to a guy with no sisters. I have met and dated a few chicks that showed some of the symptoms you guys mention. It was always ready to throw them back in the ocean of fish and keep fishing. Catch and release program. Until I met my wife and married her 28 years ago, and going strong.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by wayner

With all due respect

BULL****

Thank you.

My oldest Sister is brilliant...beyond her eidetic memory resides a fearsome intellect, but she could f up a wet dream in any remotely interpersonal relationship. Still can.

She was a very accomplished equestrian as well. Horses apparently have no discretion. She is a waste of talent and treasure, a jumble of gifts without a place to find purchase. I tried.

It has been over 20 years since we have spoken. I do not anticipate rapprochement.

My Mother and The Thing in Japan in the 50's:

[Tidybuoy]

I have 6 sisters. They used to bully me until I popped one of them in the mouth and they have all been in line since then.

[vash]

i love my sister. it's in me at a deeper level.

but my goodness. my childhood was scary. a secondary affect is that i held the longest grudge against my parents because i felt they should have protected me. whatever.

therapy. plus my wife. i am moving on with my life. anger and resentment poisoned me throughout my life. i refuse to live like that, all pissed off. i vote we lean on someone and move on.

[Evans, Marv]

Cliff. I held a huge resentment against my parents until about the age of 38. At that point I examined myself and asked what good it did. I realized my (and all) parents are just people - with good and bad points, and we couldn't choose them just like they couldn't choose us. Somehow that helped my angst subside along with the realization they weren't major factors in my life. It was a real freeing experience. As far as my sisters go, we are spread out along the west coast and communicate once in a while but have very different lives.

[vash]

I did the same Marv.

That BS where a parent thinks we owe them something for giving us life. We didn’t ask to be their kid. Haha.


My lineage of suffering stops at my generation. Haha.

[wayner]

For anyone having hard time letting go, forgiving or whatever:

I believe that one ( perhaps just one mind you) aspect of holding a grudge or being stuck in the past is you "self's" way of telling you that there is still a problem.

The subconscious realization that this could happen again and "WE" don't know what we would do about it.
A vulnerability or naivety. I personally believe that until one can establish healthy boundaries, the vulnerability remains and the past lingers.

[fintstone]

One man's crazy sister is probably in many cases...another man's freaky girlfriend.

I remember well my very crazy romance with a friend's straight-laced older sister...who was crazy for me (and vice versa). As far as I can tell, she was never crazy before...or since. Looking back, I imagine it was pretty uncomfortable for him...as my relationship with his sweet sister probably appeared pretty darned wild and filled with debauchery.

[flipper35]

The only thing "wrong" with my sister is it was like living with a 50s TV show character. She was valedictorian, homecoming queen, lettered in volleyball, track, band, choir, swing choir. There was a mural on the wall next to the administration office in the high school and she was in it giving her graduation speech. I don't recall ever having a major argument with her (she is the saint, not me). She is 4.5 years older than me and I had to go through the same HS and the teachers expected a lot out of me. Boy were they disappointed. I did well enough on tests that I knew just how much homework I could not do and still pass my classes. Later, as she applied for her CCW she was able to keep her group fist sized at 15 yards with all three handguns used for the class. She even preferred the .45ACP.

I used to think it sucked having a "perfect" sister. I now see how lucky I was.

[red-beard]

Originally Posted by flipper35

The only thing "wrong" with my sister is it was like living with a 50s TV show character. She was valedictorian, homecoming queen, lettered in volleyball, track, band, choir, swing choir. There was a mural on the wall next to the administration office in the high school and she was in it giving her graduation speech. I don't recall ever having a major argument with her (she is the saint, not me). She is 4.5 years older than me and I had to go through the same HS and the teachers expected a lot out of me. Boy were they disappointed. I did well enough on tests that I knew just how much homework I could not do and still pass my classes. Later, as she applied for her CCW she was able to keep her group fist sized at 15 yards with all three handguns used for the class. She even preferred the .45ACP.

I used to think it sucked having a "perfect" sister. I now see how lucky I was.

I have one of those too (oldest), but she won't touch a gun. So I have her there.

[john70t]

Mine is a few years older, and that will never change despite a negligible 2% difference in age. Read between the lines if you will. She believes she my mother and not my equal sibling still. Willing to do anything, anything, to retain power over that position of authoratah. Any dirty trick in the book is a possibility. Just trust me in that. There have been some OMG/WTF/SMH moments at the very worst times.

Any attempt at mutual respect or a heart-to-heart conversation once per decade, as in "I genuinely care about how you are doing and what you feel and am willing to at least listen to what I might disagree with" leads to superficial wandering and changing subjects.

Any full-on logical debate leads to complete meltdown and crying fits. She still has a bad infection of temporary or permanent US liberalitis despite not even living here. She has actively joined groups to justify such. Any attempt to meet halfway or agree on something, something, in this entire world is verboten. Without going any further on the internet my impression is that the ironic idiosyncrasy in values must be known to her brain and be a heavy weight only to overcome with extended rationalization.

But the differences between us is not my place to judge or change.
She seems to be doing fine and I'm remotely glad of that. Whatever works.

(just as a side note for mods: The "remember me" login function doesn't seem to be working. I got logged out within the 5-10 minutes of typing this)

[wayner]

Originally Posted by Seahawk

Thank you.

My oldest Sister is brilliant...beyond her eidetic memory resides a fearsome intellect, but she could f up a wet dream in any remotely interpersonal relationship. Still can.

She was a very accomplished equestrian as well. Horses apparently have no discretion. She is a waste of talent and treasure, a jumble of gifts without a place to find purchase. I tried.

It has been over 20 years since we have spoken.

It sounds like you are one of the unfortunate but lucky ones who made their own luck by distancing themselves from unfortunate circumstances. I’ll bet the last 20 years could have been a lot worse

[A930Rocket]

My two sisters are idiots. Especially the younger one....remembers things from the womb she says. Drives my bother and I nuts. I only talk to them at thanksgiving if I have to.