hey Jeff,
We posted the same thought at the same time.
Oh oh. :eek:

Instead of thinking things through, we rationalize after-the-fact.

The same could be said for marriage: people do it because they've been programmed to think it's the "right" thing to do, then rationalize it by calling those who don't want to get married "losers who are afraid of commitment." It seems the evidence would show that thinking things through as leading to not getting married, as opposed to the other way 'round.

my marriage is alot of things. convenience is not one of them.

my world is the opposite. i have good friends that are super happily married. a few divorces for balance. not many kids in my group. strange.

i cannot explain marriage. it feels like teamwork to me. safe, fun, like we are trying to take on the world together. the commitment is just part of the recipe.

i have a good, no, a great friend that badmouths marriage all the time. gave me a rash of chit when i decided to get married. he has never had a proper relationship, and is now currently on his first girlfriend. she is a beotch. he is not an attractive person...he let himself go, his hygiene is suspect, he has a crap job, but his bad attitude is the main reason he is unattractive to the ladies. he badmouth marriage because he CANT get married. definately sour grapes. he is like a brother to me. i try to pep-talk him but he is too negative.

I did not get married "to make myself whole," or for the sake of commitment, or because I was looking for a life-long relationship with my soul-mate.

I got married because I didn't know what the hell was going on. For the next two or three years, I was thinking, "What the hell just happened and how did it happen?" It was all a fog. One moment, I'm livin' the loco la vida, the next I'm married. BUT, it has worked out great and if I hadn't gotten married I never would have gotten my act straight and my wife is the best wife a man could hope for. Although, for some reason, I keep hearing in my mind, "got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack, i went out for a ride and I never went back." Hmmm.

Thanks Todd,
Really nothing I didn't already know though? I know people too, some of my best friends in fact. Like Jeff says, "whatever floats yer boat". I certainly don't judge them for it and there certainly are a variety of winners out there.

I can't blame some women for not wanting to be married to their live-ins; especially today. Jeesh. In fact, do you know the real reason women work? Cause they like to eat. Ha, ha. Some basic summaries here, but the fact is when two people are living together where the guy has some decent respect for the gal, the gal is gonna want to be married 99% of the time.

Show me a women that doesn't love commitment, security, respect, honor and love?

Today, you gotta be politically correct because when you speak out about marriage, no matter what you say, you're gonna step on half the toes, but that doesn't change the FACT!

If I meet a guy that disrespects his wife/SO, I'm running away as fast as I can. Period. I've got a local businessmen that I work with, tough bugger to get along with, but this guy totally respects his wife and takes care of his mother like no else I know; so I always give him the benefit of my respect and it always works out..... I tell him that too ;)

Some of the greatest men I've ever met in my life might be simple by nature, but I consider them great because of the way they treat their wives and family; nothing can replace a friend with those values.

Rob, if you remove marriage from the above post, you're simply talking about how people treat each other - and that is indeed a key factor in determining who you want to associate with. There are all sorts of commitments in the world, and character is reflected by them in various ways. Your first post seemed to single out marriage as a primary metric, and you hinted that those that didn't want to get married were somehow less of a person. Perhaps not your intent, but that is how the post came off, at least to my read.

Sorry, if I did that I'd be violating the TRO... :p

Hey Thanks again Todd,
I'll give you that. Cheers.

It's not really a topic that gets discussed too often, as I stated because half the people are this way and the other half that way..... so I usually just keep my mouth shut on the topic unless it's one on one. Same as "the wife working" gig; I really have to shut up on that one because it's about 90/10%?

You're a good guy Todd and it certainly appears as though you've got a good handle on life, something not often found. I'm a huge advocate of enjoying life and I honestly couldn't care less if somebody was married or not; that's their business, so the "treatment" part is really what's at the core of my message.

thanks again.

Not getting married to the wrong person? Absolutely. But I'd be willing to bet that those who are in a good marriage would take issue with your statement. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't change a single thing.

I tend to agree with Rob. Maybe we are old-fashioned but a wife is most definitely a partner but a partner is just not the same as a wife/husband.

In Quebec, the institute of marriage is forsaken by a sizable chunk of the under 50s. My understanding is that it is a fundamental disconnect from the RC religion that was dominant in the province. I also have friends in France that haven't married - seemingly on principle.

Ian

Good post Rob. And this part above is the crux of the matter. This is what women really want and is the way they are wired. All this PC and feminist nonsense has been the worst thing in the world for them..:(

It was suggested to many of the girls who lived in my neighborhood that they were inadequate if they didn't have boyfriends and later got married. It was their mothers who told them this.

The dads didn't care what the sons did as long as no one got pregnant, an STD or turned out gay.

Many ying and yang impulses that keep the human race going forward. If anyone wants to opt-out (and Darwin be damned), it is a free country.

Interesting. I'll have to forward this to a couple of women I know and see if they agree with you ;)

Do you know women who tell you how *you* are wired and what is the best/worst thing for *you*? And how does that make you feel? :D

"how you feel", is directly proportional to boob size and the tightness of the buttocks. ;)

That is the same siren song I hear...I just never go out for the ride. And I've been to Baltimore.

I have found marriage to be the ultimate conundrum (all definitions in Mariam-Webster).

But marriage, to re-issue a quote from Winston Churchill, is best summed: "The best argument for marriage is a five-minute conversation on your first bad date."

Or, more famously: "Marriage is the worst form of a relationship except for all those others that have been tried."

I do divorces day in and day out, but still believe in marriage. Being with my wife really is like being with a good friend. When we go on trips we can just talk for hours in the car. Yes we argue, but we always get over it. I think all you have to do is look at the problems kids from single parent families have to see that two parents are definitely better than one. Course that is a whole nother issue.

When I think of women who tell me how I feel or what I should do, I think of one of my sisters and your criteria doesn't work . . . usually. Now I feel icky.

Almost everyone my wife and I associate with on a regular basis is married.

People usually gravitate to other people they have things in common with so it isn't surprising.

That premise is demonstrably false. Most of my friends are losers, but I still hang out with them.