Thoughts about divorce
 

I've noticed quite a few threads on divorce over the summer, and I have some thoughts that have come to mind.



Common belief is that money problems are one of the primary issues that can lead to divorce. Since this is a Porsche forum, I expect that most of the members here are more affluent than your typical ditch digger.

As mentioned, there seems to have been an outbreak of divorce threads here this year. Is the declining economy to blame?

Do ditch diggers suffer a similar rate of divorce in bad times? I mean, they already don't have much, so a decline is less noticeable.



I have heard people say, "God wouldn't want me to stay in a marriage where I am miserable."

Really? The traditional vows say "for better or worse" and "until DEATH".

But then again, did God write the vows? Is marriage really a God thing, or is it a religion thing?



And that brings us another question. Do atheists have church weddings?



Is a secular wedding ceremony, such as a JP ceremony, religiously binding? What I mean is, do you think God will be mad just the same at divorcees who broke the civil union as he will be at those who tore asunder the church union?

In France there are no religious weddings that are recognized, unless performed outside of France. Within France all marriages are a civil service as they all a form of financial contract. If you want to go to your religious institution of choice afterward to do whatever, fine. But it is meaningless as far as any legality.

I am not sure I care much for your use of the term "ditch digger"...I hope you don't have a superiority complex.

Divorce is a result when one or a combination of the following (if all three are absent you are screwed!!) are absent in a relationship:
1) Communication
2) Intimacy
3) Money

Does not matter on your status in society or how much money you make.

Yasin

Not really sure the actual service here is legally binding - once you sign your marriage license I think you are legally married.

My wife and where "married" by the mayor of Brick NJ a little over 12 years ago.

lol... no. I have nothing against the fine and noble profession of ditch digging. I only used it as an illustration of employment on the lower end of the pay scale than a job like civil engineer.

My post had nothing to do with employment or jobs, other than to muse as to whether a couple who were more affluent were more susceptible to divorce as a result of economic downturns (unemployment of a spouse, perhaps) than a less affluent couple. My theory is that the more affluent couple probably has more "stuff" and more debt, and that the economic disruption has a bigger impact on them.


I think it was Alabama who sang:

Well somebody told us wall street fell
But we were so poor that we couldn't tell.

Financial stress is financial stress, regardless of your income. Its just one of many stresses that can reveal the little weaknesses in a relationship.

Oh, crap. 0-3. Don't tell my wife. . . .

Never heard of anyone's financial problems going away after getting divorced. From what I hear it only get worse.

Truer words were never spoken. Although it often works out better for the woman.

I started a thread a long time ago asking how everyone and their spouses share financial obligations and I got beaten up in that one.

Having gone through a divorce, the causes and reasons are many and diverse. But what's the leading cause of divorce?
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Marriage!

yeah, i'm doing great , i'm still unmarried, and planning to keep it that way

Having been divorced ONCE, I can tell you that my financial situation got much better but it wasn't because of the divorce.

It was because I was able to take some time and figure out some issues I had as well as find who the real "me" was. Laugh if you want, it's true.

I found a ton of success in my career and personal life once I figured that part out. Now, 10 years on I have a wonderful wife, 2 kids, and a dog that love me, no matter what.

With my recent job loss, unemployment, and then starting a new job, the stress has been great but we are getting through it. I am grateful for my family. none of this would have happened had I stayed in the bad marriage.

My brother has been married 3 times. Complete dumbazz when it comes to relationships.

You are missing:

4) Values (either vastly different or missing)
5) Time frame

With my ex-wife

1) fine
2) Was amazing!
3) Was terrible - see #4
4) Very mismatched
5) mismatched

This lead to serious stress, since I was willing to work on our problems (my values) but she was not (her values). We had a lot of likes and activities in common, but our underlying values and life time frames were mismatched.

With my divorce it was intimacy and real communication that were a problem. Money and values is where we did great and also when the kids were younger we were good at creating a nice loving home for them and were on the same page with parenting. That's why we stayed in a relationship lacking intimacy for so long. I fault being married too young and not having good relationship role models in either my family or my ex wife's as primary causes.

My advice to my kids is, figure yourself out first, explore life, find your passion, then worry about sharing that life with someone. I was a much different person at 30 than 20 in terms of my priorities and interests.

I will likely get married again but not in a way that compromises who I want to be in the relationship or my own interests and passions.

People change as they age, not always for the better and it isn't always possible to accept those changes. That is just nature.

I would rate values as an important one. Communication & intimacy slew my 1st marriage. A brief blip monetarily also scared the crap out of her. We were damn good parents together but that was about it.

Ian

"Marriage is an ancient institution. It is some weeks more ancient than divorce."
~Voltaire.

Gee, ya think?

[
I will likely get married again but not in a way that compromises who I want to be in the relationship or my own interests and passions.[/QUOTE]

That sums up my attitude after my divorce perfectly. I did not think I would get married again but then I met my wife and I knew that she was the one.

My parents were married for 47 years before my Dad passed away. The committment they had to each other was inspiring. Sure, they bit@#$ about each other but, in the end, they were together through all of the hard times.