Cop quotes
 

These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were
taken off actual police car videos around the country:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went
through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed
of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write
anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again
or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore.. We used to, but now we're allowed
to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of
yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't..
Sign here."

And the number one response to NOT ever say to a cop" I bet you can't put those handcuffs on me ya big pussy"

So true. When asked if you have a firearm in the vehicle, responding "If I did you'd be dead by now!" is also pretty high on the list. :D

Honestly, I bet that only about half of those are real quotes, but they are funny regardless.

My favorite ones said to me are:

"You better hand me that skateboard now or I'm going to take you down and you're not going to like that" - I gave him the skateboard

"Who do you think you are, Mario Andretti?"

"I've never seen anyone take that onramp that fast" -In my 190bhp 944S, very flattering

"No your honor, i didn't plant those drugs in that old ladies house."

Had a friend roll a stop sign one night when I was riding shotgun.....
Cop says," let me see your liscense"...
He says in his best cheech marin voice "isn't it on the back of the car?"
He got a ticket LOL

A late friend of mine was a detective. One night while arresting the drunken wife of the city's Mayor he was told by said drunken woman, "I'll have your job!" Something most all police officers just love hearing!
His reply as he stuffed her into the back of the black and white was, "Well if a drunk S.O.B. like you can get it, it's not worth having!"
No, he didn't get fired but was harassed for years over it.

Do you suppose it bothers traffic cops to know that everyone hates them? Or are they simply oblivious to this fact?

there alot of good cops but 90% of town cops around here were beat up in high school and are now on a power trip.

Kid gets pulled over for 25 over the limit. Cop sez: "I've been waiting for you all day"!

Kid sez: "Well, I got here as fast as I could"!!!!!!

I know... there are some good ones. But of the cops I've met (socially and professionally) I can count the good ones on one hand. And Bob is one of them.

my hair is getting a bit gray now, but when i was younger i used to love it when citizens would accuse me of being a rookie as i shoved them into the police car.

my reply was always, "Yep, its my first day on the job! How am i doing so far?"

sometimes that would result in a use of force. :D

another one of my favorite things to say on these stupid "out of control 11 year old" calls is "Listen, I'm not saying that you are a complete idiot because you can't control your 11 year old. I'm not saying that."

repeat domestic violence/family dispute: "Listen, I'm not saying that you are a complete idiot because you let him back in the house the day that he was released from jail. I'm not saying that."

boyfriend/girlfriend dispute call: "Listen, I'm not saying that you are a complete idiot because you had a second and then a third kid with this guy who has never had a job and likes to get it on with the other ladies in your apartment complex while you are at work. I'm not saying that."

"I'm not saying....." works in many situations where you "can't" directly tell the citizen that he/she is a complete idiot but you can't resist the urge to tell the citizen that he/she is a complete idiot.

A friend got pulled over for not completely stopping at a stop sign.
"The initials on that sign does NOT mean Slight Tap On Pedal!"

Friend is pulled over for rolling through a stop sign:

Cop: You didn't stop for that sign.

Friend: Well, I slowed down!

Cop: So, if I pulled out my night stick, and started beating you, and you yelled STOP, would you want me to stop, or slow down?

Me getting a drinking ticket in Normal 2 days before my 21st birthday...

Me: Could you see your way to giving me a warning?

Cop that looked younger than me at the time: No, but I could haul your @$$ to jail.

Next time a cop asks you if you knew the speed was 70 miles per hour, just reply that you weren't going to be driving that long.

Cop asked me why I was speeding, I said because I didn't see you!

Not a quote and off topic but funny to me nonetheless. There was a cop in the median (not a dedicated turn around) and with the thaw here in MI he was stuck in the mud with all his lights flashing. Too funny! He probably caught a speeder but couldn't get out of the mud to get him! LOL! I wonder if the speeder slowed down or stopped or just kept going wondering why he never pulled out.... hahahaha!