Time to pull the keys...
 

It's time to take the keys away from my father-in-law, but rather than do that we'd rather just disable the car so it won't start.
I'd rather not disconnect the battery and kill everything like the radio etc.
Is there a fuse I can pull instead, that will keep it from starting but won't kill all the other 'stuff'?
The car is a 2004 Lexus ES350 and I'd like to do the same to his 1994 Saturn Vue.
I really don't think he'd attempt to drive himself anywhere, but we'd like to be sure he doesn't.
Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks.

fuel pump relay/fuse...

Good idea, thanks.
I think I'm too close to the problem to have seen that answer.

Yup, was very accessible in one of my prior cars so used to use that trick as an anti theft device.

If he knows to check the fuses, maybe pull the wire from the fuel pump itself.

No need to worry there, he's not a car guy and would probably have trouble opening the hood now as he's up in years.

Sorry to hear you're going through this, Scott....much respect for handling your responsibilities to your father. Keep us posted if we can help.....

How to lie. Respectfully.
And face reality and pain.

There have been a few threads on this topic cover the years....not an easy decision to make or follow through on. Best wishes Scott...

Tell him the truth and give him a taxi card. Pay his bill and sleep better.

Any other solution might fail, dealing with it head on is difficult but permanent.

My Mom started getting lost so she decided it was time to stop driving. Yay! Definitely not always that easy. Best wishes for success Scott.

I agree that you should try to have a conversation about it so you don't have to lie to him.

It will serve you better and give you a clearer head.

You may have already tried though, sorry for your troubles.

There are a hundred different types of dementia:
1). Some are slow (#1 Alzheimer's).
A slow gradual drop over half a decade or more. Gradual fade out.

2). Some are fast (#2 Lewy Bodies).
A loss of memory combined with Parkinson's. Three years. Shakes. Everything. Roller coaster.

3). Some might possibly be medically treatable for a now.
If you don't ask, you don't know.

Forget your childhood angst.
Respect them and adapt.
Have patience.
Make good memories while you still both can.

Research 'sundowners syndrome'.

Yup. That way it is clear. My parents had to do it with my grandmother, it's not an easy thing.

You know they are really old when you have to take away their bicycle...I'm about to do that.

Read a story about a 100 year old lady that lived on lake Huron in MI that got in her car and drove it into the lake. Found out she had had a heart attack and was dead before she hit the water.

Or the 100 year old guy in Ohio that bought himself a brand new 425 hp Camaro.

Or the 102 year old guy who remembered the 1906 San Francisco earthquake AND was still working part time in a grocery store in SF.

A friend of mine works in a grocery warehouse in SCAL. Bin there since 1982....34 years. ..and still has over 30 guys with more seniority than he has. One guy has close to 50 years in the place is in his mid to late 80's, puts all the overtime he can get in and drives a new Vette.

You have to do this DEICATLY, with INSIGHT into his personality (and yours).
Just to rip the privilege away would be beyond rude, a violation of being a human.
I do not know the situation, BUT , I have seen way too many kids think they have a god particle for decision making ! They know what is right, and yet do it all wrong.
Remember- IF you are lucky, you will get old, treat them how you want to be treated .
It is a BIG freedom you asking ( in your case taking ) to relinquish and in this case described, sabotaged and taken.
In my opinion, there is and are far more better ways to broach the subject rather than cloak and dagger.
Honesty is your friend, not your enemy.
PS- perhaps a salve of diplomacy and delicacy,-
A goal for both of you to work towards with an outreach or a goal to help him in other ways to travel about.
(Rather then just get ones freedom ripped from them.)

Try to be gentle with him, and appeal to his reasonable, safety consious side. Just yanking his priveledges will not doubt make him mad, but maybe you can give him other options suches uber, other family members, or friends and niegbors.

My FIL is getting to that point, he is 79 years old, and in the last few years has beat the coners in on both his minivan, and his pickup truck. He just gets a bit careless when making manuevers in a parking lot, or the campground. He has a new backup camera on his camper, and knocked it off twice from hitting a tree, and a pole with it.

You lose neither your freedom nor your independence if you can call a cab or Uber. It is merely an inconvenience.

I agree on the 'no cloak and dagger'...

If it was THAT EZ , we all would use a UBER or a Taxi.
It is NOT that EZ.

I'd use both approaches, if applicable... If the person does not realize they are dangerous behind the wheel, but the conversation might be painful, why not disable the car... as long as it's not an obvious sabotage (in this case he might assume they died from lack of use), why not....

If somehow the person drove and killed someone *despite* the touchy-feely talk, you'd feel pretty stupid... I like the 2 prong approach. Plus uber account...

Both Mom and Dad were on the bubble a couple years ago. Dad with diabetes and some dementia lost his ability to judge space and anything not directly in front of him was not accounted for. Got into 2 fender benders and the DMV stepped in. Mom would drive to the store when she ran out of wine. She still has her license but I told her it was suspended like Dad. Dad was going to drive no matter what. No insurance, no license, he didn't care. I started by parking the Jeep in their garage (they in Santa Barbara and me in San Diego), locked up and disabled (battery). I couldn't sell the Jeep as that would have started a war. I endured 1 year of threats of Dad getting it re-keyed and how he was no longer a free man. He refused taxi service...just being stubborn, and would call friends & neighbors at 2 AM to get a ride to the grocery store. Things improved after the next big step, moved them to assisted living here in SD area. He still talks about his Jeep which is still parked in SB. Rough times.

I hope that in 25-30 years when my keys are taken away the driver less car thing will be a viable option.

Thank you all for the inputs. I've followed the threads discussing this topic with interest as my in-laws are now on the cusp of going to assisted living, but are not quite there. Another day or two and MIL will be moved out of the hospital to a place with critical care nursing which also has assisted living available too. We're hopeful my FIL will see the light and agree to move there. It was heart breaking the other night when he broke down realizing that his wife would probably never be returning to their home to live anymore.
The last few weeks have been more than stressful.

I think the proper way is to start the conversation B4 its an emergency so both parties have an agreeable plan.
Just remember, - this can be you someday.......Hard to grasp that for us young folks.....but old age happens.

I am going through this right now with my mother in law she is 99.
She has never driven but has an electric buggy which she gets stuck with, turns it over and has nearly hit other people including kids.
The local supermarket has banned her from riding in the store.
I cannot get her to understand what the problem is.
Cheers
Bill

Heart-wrenching.

I was visiting my Dad for about a week. He broke his hip and is in assisted care at the time. His dog was just diagnosed with inoperable cancer (8 year old dachshund). Just a whole lot to deal with for him.

I stayed at his house, which my loving brother maintains for him. It is just perfect, the way he and my Mom made it. It was very difficult to be in his house, the way he and my Mom liked it without them there. Everything was in its place and perfect, but the people were missing. It is hard to even write about.