First step
 

I need help don't know my first step car wont start unless I spray ether and the fuel pump relay is jumped. if relay is plugged in when I turn key it hums and burns out. to cold tout to guess and check need a solid first move to make cranks solid gages bounce and all

Your sentences are kinda jumbled together but sound to me like your fuel pump is bad if you can get it to start with instant start.

If you haven't already tried, check this out.
Troubleshooting - Engine

The relay failing indicates the pump is stuck (which can happen with the new ethanol fuel if it sits too long and the pump rusts internally)

Before you jump through the hoops of replacing the pump, check all of the engine and under dash grounds for proper continuity by ensuring the metal surfaces are clean and shiny. You can clean them with a rubber pencil eraser or a bit of 1500 grit sandpaper. Then protect the connections with dielectric grease or Petroleum Jelly.

If that doesn't work, then you'll want to pull the wiring off the pump and leave it loose, then try turning the key on and see if the relay still fails. If it does, then there is a short somewhere between the relay and the pump. If it doesn't, then you'll want to change the pump.