Thank god for stupidity!!!!

[AFJuvat]

Well, a slow day in the shop today - until a customer (who shall be known as dumbass) came in with his car (996 Carrera 4) on a towtruck.

Dumbass states that his car mysteriously "stopped running" while he was on a high speed run along I-95.

As I am the junior mechanic (meaning I have 10 years experience, as opposed to the other guys haveing 15+) I am told to "troubleshoot"

Great!, don't see too many 996's, as most of them are still under factory warranty so they go the the dealership for repairs.

Visual inspection of the engine shows some heat discoloration - hmm...

Coolant tank shows the dreaded "chocolate malt" Something is wrong here - it almost looks like a "chocolate/strawberry malt" Car has less than 5k miles on it - no stamp in the book for an oil change - we stamp the books too - we can't use the Porsche stamp though.

Pull the dipstick - same thing - oil is at correct level - notice a band of red fluid at the upper end of the dipstick. ((PUZZLING - but getting a vague sinking feeling))

Drain oil - hmmm...it just doesn't look right - then again all of those metal flakes shouldn't be there... but the oil just looks "Wrong" Smells burned.

Take dumbass into the office. Ask him to describe what happened, what he was doing, what did his gauges read, any odd noises (some of you may recognize these questions - I ask them here a lot)

Dumbass states that nothing out of the ordinary until about 2 minutes before the car stalled - engine temp spiked. dumbass then added that car has not run right since he changed the oil....

I ask "really, tell me about your oil change"

dumbass states that a friend told him you can desludge an engine (mind you less than 5000 miles on odo.) by running transmission fluid through the engine!!!!!!

I ask dumbass to go on. Dumbass states that when he changed the oil, he put 2 quarts of oil, and 5.5 quarts of transmission fluid in the engine. He did this to desludge the engine.

At this point, I excuse myself and get the owner. Fill him in on situation. Owner talks to dumbass, I drop the oil pan.

End result, as you have probably gathered by now - engine is TOAST.

With a big grin, gave the customer the diagnosis and the estimate.

$15,000 to rebuild (and you think 944 parts are expensive!) - that is assuming nothing else pops up.

or he can just give us $35,000 and we can order him a new engine.

there are sportscar owners, and then there are people who own sportscars.

Dumbass is thinking about it - will call on monday.

AFJuvat

[Moneyguy1]

I love it..

As a learning tool, stupidity is underrated. Expensive, but underrated. How about folks who confuse all these neat little plastic tanks under modern hoods, even when they are clearly lbeled: Brake Fluid only" or some such, filling them with washer fluid....

The beat goes on....

Thanks for sharing..

Bob S.

[todwic]

Names were altered to protect the inane.
Even though all of my fluid tanks are marked in German or Costa Rican, I know Oel is Oil, Achtung!Wier Ist H&Oumltt&Oslashr br&Uumlt schiete! means don't open it till morning, dumbass. Course, if you have to debate between $15000 and $35000, it doesn't really matter anyway.

[AFJuvat]

Though it sounds horrible

his misfortune = my gain

25+ hours @ $69.00/hour labor - (parts) - (shop fees) - (overhead) = about $1000 in my pocket

AFJuvat

[Blackfoot]

this guy is exactly what our economy needs...lots of money being put into it to fuel recovery. he is doing wonderful things for you & your shop. if only we could find more dumbasses.

[rbt944]

funny, my friend was telling me a story today about this lady who's car would over heat. She saw that her coolant reservoir was low and she would open her doors, hood, and trunk to cool it off. She said she kept adding to her reservoir. It turns out she was adding to the washer fluid, and since she would use it, that's why it kept getting low. Now, about opening all doors to cool off the engine, that's a little weird.

RBT.

[overkill]

DUMBASS!!!

[Lawrence Coppari]

The sad part of this is that I have read on a Mercedes list about fools doing this to remove sludge and other goo from their engines. Well, I guess this 'dumbass' might have learned a lesson. But you never know.

The pit is bottomless.

[SoCal Driver]

Cross post this to the "other" forums!

[thamlin000]

It is sad that someone would take such retarded advise from his dumbass friend. This guy is definately not too knowledgable on cars and he trusted his friend's idiotic advise.

I can't believe he changes his own oil. Doesn't Porsche give free oil changes for xxxx mi on it's new cars?

[todwic]

Porsche....Free...they're mutually exclusive

[SoCal Driver]

I would just refill it with oil and dump it on Porsche's door step and start screaming loudly about what a P of S it is!

They would do anything to shut you up.

[divezic]

We had better ease off this guy else the 911 guys will come back to our BBS and get snippy again.

Screw that. He is a dumbass.

[Blackfoot]

realistically, this airhead could have been driving any porsche--a 924, 928, 356, 914...it just makes sense somehow that it was a 911. i think only boxster rival 911 in owner ignorance.

[old_skul]

The post above is so ironic, it's funny.

On the subject of the dumbass 996 owners, well, yes, they exist. I think every car make and model has some owners as clueless.

[arcsine]

Originally posted by Blackfoot
realistically, this airhead could have been driving any porsche--a 924, 928, 356, 914...it just makes sense somehow that it was a 911. i think only boxster rival 911 in owner ignorance.

Wow. That is quite a statement. At least I have it on good authority now that I am truly ignornant. I will sleep better tonight. Thanks Blackfoot.

[nostatic]

Originally posted by Blackfoot
i think only boxster rival 911 in owner ignorance.

That is soooo true. I have *never* seen a 944 that was abused or neglected by a clueless owner. Those rat-bastard 911 jokers....

btw, AFJ already posted this to the "other" forum. Didn't seem to piss anyone off there...why should it?

[Oi-Punx]

What an expensive lesson. The look on the poor sap's face must have been very, very sad.

There was a guy a few miles away from me who sold his beautiful black '87 951 on Ebay many months ago. It was sold for, I believe $3100. He somehow ran the car without oil and the engine seized.

[ae1969]

Heheheh.... thats a good one!

I might have a better one...........

One of my dumbass friends bought himself a 91 Cavalier Z24 while when were in school. He was never that mechanically inclined to begin with.

He had bought the car brand new... .I think about 500 km's on it. Drove it easily the first 5K to make sure the engine broke in right....then he drove the crap out of it for the next 1.5-2 years.

Then one day it just stopped on him, would not turn over. Dumbass calls me to help with the diagnosis. Starter won't turn, so I start checking fluid levels, get to the oil and the stick would not come out.

I look in the oil fill cap, and just a horrible burnt smell? I thought this guy shoved a cat down the fill hole.

I ask him what he did at the last oil change?

His reply, "What oil change?"



No oil change since he purchased the car.

[jstgermaine]

realistically, this airhead could have been driving any porsche--a 924, 928, 356, 914...it just makes sense somehow that it was a 911.

airhead: slang for owners of air-cooled Porsches.

996: Watercooled.

Thus WATERHEAD.

Waterhead meet waterhead