Quote:
Originally Posted by Sooner or later
The First Steps in Dealing with Your Stalker
Never react to or communicate with the stalker. However, ignoring the harassment will not necessarily cause the stalker to stop. The sooner action is taken, be it police caution or warning, solicitor's letter or arrest, the more chance it has of stopping it. Research has shown that those stalkers who are allowed to carry on are less likely to stop easily.
Do not respond. Never agree to meet with your stalker or communicate with them in any way! It could put you in danger and may weaken any prosecution case against your stalker simply because you have co-operated with them.
Contact the local police. Do this quickly and ask for the name of the officer in charge of the case and record the crime reference number.
Inform. Ensure family, friends, neighbours and colleagues are aware of what is happening. They can also keep a record of sightings and suspicious incidents for you, as well as supporting and protecting you.
Improve personal safety. Carry a mobile phone with you as well as a personal attack alarm - it will help you feel more comfortable when you go out. Rely on your instinct. If you ever feel in imminent danger, do not hesitate to call 999. Consider improvements to your home security.
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When I was a prosecutor I had a number of stalking cases. Once I took a class on what drives stalkers and how to respond. The advice above is pretty much spot on.
The first thing to understand is to never allow yourself to be compromised by your stalker. That means immediately telling your wife. If you share a secret with your stalker you are making the stalking possible and giving her power over you.
Second, understand that stalkers respond to the emotion of ANY reaction to them. There is a famous example from John Hinkley's stalking of Jodie Foster. He actually recorded his calls to her. One time he tracked her down to her dorm at Yale, back in the days where there was one phone on each floor and someone had to go get her from her dorm room to talk on the phone. When she found out who it was she went ballistic and called him every name in the book, that he was a nut job and that she would never have anything to do with him and never to contact her again. After she slammed down the phone he spoke into his tape recorder "I think that went very well". It didn't matter to him what she said, he was responding only to the arousal of the response itself. The lecturer advised that she would have been better off hanging up the phone the second she heard his voice.
This is not a time to be passive aggressive or wishy washy or nice or polite in any way. Any of that will encourage the behavior. If you are serious about stopping it you will immediately inform your wife, you will make a police report, you will tell her one single time that you reported her to the police. And from then on you will block her number and never respond to her in any way. If she continues to stalk you, you will need to go to the police and ask them to help you get a restraining order. I can walk you through the process too, if you want.
If you are serious about ending the stalking you will follow the plan outlined above. If you don't follow those steps, you are not serious about ending the attention. Be serious about ending the attention.