[glenndeweirdt]

I have been the proud owner of a pristine '83 911SC for four years now and have enjoyed the fellowship and comeraderie (sp?) of sharing the "Porsche wave" with other Porschephiles that I pass on the road.

I recently purchased a '99 996 (gasp) with a (double gasp) Tiptronic as a daily driver (you can't beat the water cooled if you have a six minute commute). Much to my dismay I found that my air cooled bretheren no longer grace me with "the wave." Now in Chicago Porsches are rarer than zits on Angelena Jolie's ass (I would think anyway) , so the wave is hardly aerobic activity, unlike sunny Southern California where the greatest hazard of Porsche ownership is tennis elbow or wrist tendonitis. This has precipitated many hours of thought resulting in a solution to Fermat's Theorem and ten simple rules to live by.

So what are the rules of "the wave?" I thought it appropriate to codify the basics so we all know where we stand.

1- '79-98 911's get an enthusiastic wave
2- '74-78 911's get a wave of sympathy
3- Boxsters get a wave only if they wave first
4- Cayenne owners get a hostile stare or middle finger
5- '99-05 911's - see Boxster
6- Pre '73 911's get a wave and salute
7- 356's- see pre '73
8- 914's get a nod
9- 924, 928,944,968 get eye contact
10- "special" Porsches (anything not covered previously)
Use your best judgement.

A special note about women in Porsche's: It is probably their boyfriend's, or they are a dyke, or they are stuck up and won't wave back anyway, or they will think you are hitting on them and reject you (unless you look like Lorenzo Llamas or other movie star), so NEVER wave to a woman in a Porsche unless she is your sister, mom, coworker, concubine, paramour, or neighbor.

These are meant to be a few simple rules- not the Ten Commandments. Be careful out there!