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sand_man sand_man is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Cooterville, Cackalacky
Posts: 6,755
Angry winter clutch project - phasers set to FAIL!@#$%

In all my years of doing my own repairs, I've never had a car/project fight me like this one!!! Not to mention all the times I've been into this particular engine compartment without a single problem. In the faithful words of uber underachiever, Bart Simpson: "I didn't think it was possible, but this both BLOWS and SUCKS at the same time"!

I think my car must have sensed my lust for the M5 (in that other thread)...let me tell you, hell hath no mercy!!!

From the word, "GO", I had nothing but problems.

Act One: It all began with the simplest of chores, draining the oil. I have several containers that I use to collect oil. All of my regular suspects were full, thus I looked to the only empty one I had, normally used for wifey's car. It's a large sealed pan with a shallow dish on top, and a small hole for the oil to drain into. I normally don't use this one because the oil flows faster (out of my car) than this pan will allow past it's small collection opening. Yep, you can see where this is going. To make matters worse, I dropped the freaking drain plug and it made a bull's-eye right in the pan's drain opening, causing a total blockage. OIL...OIL...OIL EVERYWHERE!!!! I've never seen anything like it!!! I nearly cried!!! My garage floor is toast!

Act Two: After fifteen years of trouble free service, my 3.5 ton floor jack blew a seal (more oil on the floor) as I was attempting to slowly lower the engine/tranny down onto my furniture dolly. Even though the car wasn't jacked up, and there wasn't a great deal of height, the whole shootin' match came down HARD! Furniture dolly broken!!! The dolly took the blow, so the engine was undamaged. BUT now it was crooked and listing and practically resting on the floor!!! NOW WHAT???!?!?!?!???!?!?!?

Act Three: It sucks to be a lone wolf! I found a floor jack rebuild kit in my garage and was able to get the jack fixed. So I jacked the car up, and with only two wheels working on what was left of the furniture dolly, and the engine practically on its side, I was able to drag it out from under the car. I separated the tranny from the engine so that things would be lighter and less awkward. I then ran to Sears and bought a shiny new ATV/motorcycle jack to replace the furniture dolly. However, how was I gonna get the engine up onto the ATV jack?

Act Four: I never should have sold that engine hoist (cherry picker)! So I pushed the engine over to my work bench. Then I made a loop out of heavy chain by connecting one end to the rear engine crossbar and the other end to a the lift eye on the front of the engine (near the throttle linkage). I then stuck a long pressure treated 4"X4" post through the loop of chain and rested one end on my work bench top. "Son, can you please come out here...I need you". I squatted down and rested the other end of the post on my shoulder. With every fiber of my goofy 6'-3" 190lb body, I stood up and lifted the engine off the floor! I was actually making up my own curse words as the engine dangled from the chain. It was like my own language! "SON...!@#$%^&...PLEASE...!*#%$%^%...GET THE JACK...!@#%&*$...UNDER THE...!@#%^&*...ENGINE...!@#$%

Act Five: Back in business? Not so quick! One of my "to-do's" was to replace a cracked throw out bearing release fork. The fork is held on to the vertical shaft in the tranny bellhousing by a roll pin. No amount of hammering with the properly sized punch would remove that pin. No amount of heat or PB Blaster or Kroil would touch it!! Even attempts at pressing it out wih large Channel Locks and another small pin would work. So three broken drill bits later, and the pin no longer existed!!!!! Luckily the new fork and roll pin went together without issue.

Act Six: Did I tell you guys about my new language? !@#$^& !@#%&* !@#$%&* !#^()#~!@#$ !#%&*(()

Act Seven:Time to put it all back together. So armed with my new ATV floor jack I get the engine back in. However, this jack has a safety feature!!!!!!!!!! All my attempts to lower the engine ever so slightly to get the mounting holes lined up, FAIL!!! The jack's safety catch is jammed!!! Here, have some more of my new language: !@#$%^!@#$%^&.....!#$%^&*(....!@#$%^&*()! At this point I am yelling!!!! I know people walking by heard me! I was beating on my new jack with a hammer to release the safety! Wouldn't budge!!!! I had to carefully disassemble this so called safety feature, while the jack was supporting the engine! I took all the shiny bits of metal that were once a Sears-"Deluxe"-Aluminum-Light-Weight-ATV-Jack safety feature and proceeded to pound it with a sledge hammer, once I got it off!

Act Eight: All of this Tom Foolery caused me to miss the Hickory/Asheville NC run to meet some other Pelicans and see the Drendel Collection! !@#$%^&...!@#$%^&*...!@#$%^&*(

In short, this is how I spent my weekend, and I'm still not done:

back in the saddle: '95 993 - just another black C2
*SOLD*: '87 930 GP White - heroin would have been a cheaper addiction...
"Ladies and Gentlemen, from Boston Massachusetts, we are Morphine, at your service..." - Mark Sandman (RIP)
Old 12-08-2008, 06:39 AM
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