First of all, what your wife has accomplished is inspiring...what a wonderful story.
To the rest:
If she has said she doesn't want a surprise party, then don't throw one. I had the exact same request and my wife respected my wishes, which meant the world to me.
Only you know what gift to give your wife, the gift that will resonate, be it material, spiritual or a trip together to some special place.
My wife went to St. John's in Annapolis (one of the "Great Books" colleges)...her love of philosophy, literature and math is genuine and deep.
Me, not so much. But, for her 40th (she is 43) I found (well, ok, a good friends of hers in New York City found) a series of readings and a play in NYC that I/we felt would resonate with her.
I would not ordinarily get within a 3 Wood of this milieu, but for her weekend I did.
It was a hoot and she really appreciated the fact that I put the caveman garb in the closet for a weekend and participated.
That's all I have to say about that.
