[Dottore]

So I'm running errands in a slightly dodgy part of town today. No time for lunch, so I stop in to a small shop that sells pizza by the slice. I'm the only customer. Two minutes later three kids come in. About 13 or 14 years old. From the Subcontinent. Nice looking kids. Speak good English with a Bombay accent. They are turning their pockets inside out and can't come up with the price of a pizza slice. It was a pathetic scene—right out of "Slumdog Millionaire".

I say "grab yourselves some slices and soft drinks. They're on me."

They're stunned and say "thanks mister" repeatedly and wolf down their pizzas.

A few minutes later I pay and leave the place, and they're right behind me. Soon they're pulling at my sleeves, and its "mister, mister... you give us some money".

I say "no" and brush them off. They get increasingly loud with their demands for money. This goes on for a block and a half. Finally one of them yells. "Hey mister. I give you blowjob. Twenty dollars."

Now the street is crowded here with lunchtime trade, and lots of people are hearing this, but don't know the back story, and I'm starting to get very pissed. Meanwhile the three of them keep grabbing my sleeves—until I realize they are trying to get at my watch. At this point I stop and tell them to feck off before I get really angry.

They continue to shadow me for half a block or so shouting about blowjobs and cocksockers and the like, and then two of them suddenly make a break for it and try to rip my watch off my left left arm. I was carrying my aluminum Zero Halliburton briefcase in my right (as I often do) and decked them both out of reflex. They both went down briefly. One I think was hurt. I turned around and told them to feck off again, and kept going until I got to my car. This time they didn't follow.

This same Zero Halliburton case has been put to similar use twice before. I decided I might write the company about this, and volunteer to do a commercial for them. I've also decided to mind my own business in future, and not buy strange people pizza slices.