[legion]

Chapter 5: The Doooche

My bro-in-law came back from a bathroom trip and had a weird story to tell. He was walking back from the bathroom, noticed some muscle-head standing out on the deck with a large entourage, and one of the guys in the entourage said to my bro-in-law: "He could kick your ass." My bro-in-law kept walking.

I looked and I saw The Doooche. He'd positioned himself right at the center of the crossroads where the path between the hot tubs and the pool me the path that ran between the two banks of deck chairs. He was topless. He was tanned. It was 11:00ish and he just screamed attention whore. He was everything that personified why "The Jersey Shore" is such a train wreck.

He was standing there with an older lady with fake tits. (His mom? His girlfriend? His agent? All of the above?) There was also another girl and a guy who looked like a miniature version of him in his entourage. They were alone in the middle of the deck.

The more I drank, the more this guy pissed me off. I watched as members of his entourage would wrangle young women into talking to him. These women would listen to him talk, and look for their exit. The various member of the entourage would move to physically surround the young lady. I saw a lot of disgusted looks as women gave up being polite and walked away, often having to push their way through two of the toadies. After awhile, people started walking around the deck the long way to avoid his group. The older lady with the fake rack and disco stick then started making sweeps across the deck to try to entice women into the Doooshe's grasp.

It was just bizarre and surreal. I got very close to getting up and doing something when I saw they had some poor 12 year old girl surrounded. I signaled to my bro-in-law to keep an eye on the situation too. After 5 minutes of watching the girl try to find a way out of the maze of douches (there is only one Doooche), she finally made her escape.

The whole entourage ended up leaving without any more people than it started with. Sometimes all is right in the world.