Quote:
Originally Posted by gearya
Global warming is not caused by humans putting excess CO2 and methane into the air, just like lung cancer is not caused by smoking.
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So, clearly the individual human is responsible for this problem. Let's think of a knee jerk solution, shall we? The obvious answer is to go and shoot yourself. That would stop the breathing and farting that causes you to produce those foul gases.
Wait a minute... then you would decompose. That also produces the dreadful gases. So, you'd have to kill yourself, then not decompose. So, how about crawling in the freezer first. Yeah, that would work.
But, then someone will whine about keeping the freezer plugged in. Gotta be a fossil fuel burning somewhere to send juice down the wires. SO, we gotta freeze you somewhere else, where the cold wouldn't have to be created, it's just there naturally.
Okay, get on a plane to Antarctica. (Ignore the carbon emissions on the trip). That way, you can shoot yourself where you'd be a popsicle forever.
Nah, that won't work. Some busybody would dig up the carbon footprint left by the plane ride and you'd be outed.
God, this is so hard.
Okay, how about walking to Al Gore's house and shooting him? There'd be the exchange of breathing and farting vs. decomposing gas production, which could go either way, really, but he'd be dead, so you could turn off the electric and gas to his house. I've heard it's really big and uses a bunch of energy. Plus, he wouldn't do any more traveling, so there's all the savings from the burning of jet fuel. Of course, you'd probably also have to shoot his wife, too. Dunno if he has any kids or gardeners; you'll have to research that.
In case you don't live in his neighborhood, just get in your electric car to get there. That way all of your future gains won't be pissed down the drain on the way there. Just don't plug in anywhere. That juice makes bad gases somewhere up the line.
Sounds good.
Oh crap, I forgot about the cows. If they (the Gores, plus any gardeners) are gone, there will be less beef consumption and more cows. Cows are really bad, much worse than we are. You'll need to shoot a few of those on the trip and give them away to homeless people to eat, right now, before they can decompose. Tell them to cook the cow meat in a very bland way, so as to not induce undue belching and farting. At least tell them to hide any such things from view, so nobody shoots holes in our plan.
Maybe you can throw some tree and plant seeds out the window on the way up there, so future trees grow and absorb some of the nasty gas.
Hey, I got another idea. Teach the homeless dudes to light their farts from the cow eating and that way, the methane won't end up in the air. I've seen it on Youtube, so I know it can be done.
Gosh, this is complicated.
Best of luck to you,
JR