[-Levi-]

i don't know if this helps or not, but sometimes knowing that other people around you feel the same way and are dealing with the same kinds of things can really help, or at least help you know that what you are feeling and what you are going through is completely normal.

my grandfather passed away in January, I'm 29 and my father is in his early 60's. my father held his father’s hand as he slowly slipped away, my dad knew hours before the event it would be his last day, he just knew. he had been with him for a months prior, helping his mother, brothers and sisters as they went though all of this. Every day they would talk for the few short hours my grand father was awake, he would help him use the restroom, get water... everything he could to make him comfortable. my grandfather was a big part of the community, a big part of the small town he had lived in for nearly 90 years. like your father he was a man’s man. he would always be there for anyone and everyone that needed him.

My father hasn't been the same since he lost his dad. He talks about how he is getting older and how he won’t always be around. He is starting to doubt his abilities even though he is in amazing shape (last year we went for a 30 mile bike ride and I struggled to keep up with him, he will run circles around me when landscaping a yard or doing weekend projects. I can tell it bothers him “like you” he tosses out hints that its bothering him, when I try to engage he kind of shuts down. At the same time he wants to be around us kids more and more. I think this is something we will all go through, your post reminded me so much of my father its scary.
Im sorry for your loss, I feel awful for my grandfathers passing but it’s nowhere close to how my father feels and I can only imagine you’re feeling the same. As others have said, maybe its time to go have that beer on the beach, I wish there was more or something I could say to help.