My Father, Jul 1938- Aug 2018

[DonDavis]

My father passed in late August. He was born and raised in NJ. Joined the Navy at 18ish, eventually settled in East Tennessee. That's where I was born and grew up.

Shortly after I joined the Navy in '86, Pop moved to New York for work. He was life-long truck driver. Mostly short haul, local stuff, but spent his share of long haul as well. Was never involved in an accident or a collision. Dude was wicked sharp behind the wheel. Taught me well.
We would drive to NJ twice a year in his 1967 MB 250S, 4 door, 6cyl, 4 speed....no a/c. I learned to drive in that car. When I got my permit, I was behind the wheel on the next NJ trip.
Good lord, I was terrified. He said "Son, I can hear the steering begging for mercy. Ease your grip".

In 1996, Dad took my younger brother on a 45 day Australian Outback camping trip. That's where he met his perfect match, Gerda. She was 31 and from Holland, he was 58 and immediately fell in love with her. They were perfect for each other. Shortly after the trip was over, she bought an open ended flight to New York to "see how she felt about it"
Three weeks later on Friday the 13th in December, they were married by the Justice o the Peace.

That's how Dad did things, when he knew, he knew...and nothing would alter his path or intent.

He quit HS as a senior to join the Navy to get the hell out of town. It was simply time to go live his life. I treasure my time as a kid visiting family in Jersey. Learned to ice skate on Cranberry Lake and Budd Lake. Went skiing in Vernon Valley. Saw the Yankees twice. Det Tigers Mark Fidrych pitched one of those games. The Bird played Triple A in Bristol, Tn.

I digress.

As far too many father/sons do, we had our differences. By the time my wisdom caught up with sensible thought, our paths were firmly established. I didn't think mine could change...boy, was I wrong. Woulda, coulda, shoulda.
Dad and his father had the same bs, but Grandpa passed when I was infant. He never met me. Gramps worked for the railroad 45 years. Shoveled coal the first 15yyrs, every day, all day. Then drove trains for the next 30. Died of a heart attack with his hand on the throttle. I have his Hamilton Railway Special pocket watch. But that's for another thread.

Dad was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia in June 2016. They told him he had 4 weeks to live. Pop said "No, I'm not done yet". He was treated, went through all the possible medications, etc., and kept on trucking. His desire to live, work, learn and share his time with Gerda was his driving force.

In Feb of this year it had been probably 3-4 years since we had talked. Seems like a long time, but time flies. I was respecting the space he had requested.
I got a phone call from Owensboro, Kentucky. Hmm, that's not far from Dad's place. I answered, it was his doctor, with Dad and my brother on speaker phone to inform me about his illness. It was the first I heard of it.

I know, I know...how can a dad not tell his eldest son that he's sick? Has been for 20 months, terminally.
He justed wanted to focus on treatment and living with his wife. Involving me would not necessarily improve his condition. May have even increased the drama, distracted his focus. I get it. Completely.
My brother knew the whole time. Just the two of us talked later that day and he was really busted up about knowing and not saying anything, and we talk/text regularly.
He said Dad asked him not tell me. And I knew why, it was better for Dad that way.
And Logan respected his wishes. I get it. And I hold zero ill will toward my brother about that. Hell, that was tough to do. We cried about it. And we're fine.
I'm 19 years older than Logan. It's like we had 2 different Dads in a way.

Again, I digress.

I told Dad in February I can be there the next day..."No, not yet. Still got stuff to do. Let's text/chat, get caught up. You come out later, when it's closer."
I said "Yessir, Pop. How about some Harris Ranch steaks?"
"Well, they're too expensive." he said.

He had 12 porterhouses a few days later. The last was saved till I arrived in June.
So good. Dad, Gerda and I shared it. Sooo good.

You may recall the LR 109 thread. I didn't mention it then. Some goofy part of me didn't want to tip my hand to father time. Does that even makes sense? I reckon it does to me.

My grandfather, Clarence Davis, was a Freemason, as nearly all railway guys were.
My Pop, Don Davis, Sr. became a Freemason in 1973, long after his dad had passed.
I became a Freemason in 2004. And Dad was in Lodge for my initiation as a Master Mason. For those that know, you know. For the rest of my close friends here on PP BBS ( btw, you all are ), it's a very special event and to have a Freemason father attending is deeply moving.

Clarence was Scottish Rite, Dad was, I am.

Dad and Gramps never sat in the chairs of the Blue Lodge, but I am.
I'm Senior Deacon of Oriental #20, Mesa Az.

Throughout my life I've had plenty of accomplishments that he gave me congrats on, but I truly believe Dad was most proud of my work in Lodge for that.

Because he taught me at a very, very young age to meet every person on the level.

My 2 favorite pictures of us.

His Mom took this in NJ 1973ish



Getting feed for the farm in June 2018

[id10t]

May his memory be a blessing

[pwd72s]

Heck of a tribute...thanks for sharing.

Sounds like your dad did the best he could...as we should.

[Seahawk]

We are both fortunate to have had fathers of character.

Bless you both.

[tevake]

Thanks for sharing your Dad's story Don.

It's a blessing when we can move beyond the issues that separate us from our dads when there is still time to reconnect.

RIP. Don's Dad

[Baz]

I enjoyed reading this. Thank you, Don.

A lot to be proud of there.

I recently made a couple comments via email to my 96 y/o Mom about how much I appreciate having such great parents and how I cherish this every day.

Her response (below) made me feel great, because even at 96....she can look back and reflect on some of the things that made us who we were.

Thank you for your very nice appreciation of how we always tried to provide for our sons. I never purchased a lot of dresses and usually made my own. Also other than your father’s uniforms, he had only one suit. It was always based on priorities and money available. We both never considered going into debt.

It sure does not feel like Autumn. I will always remember the beautiful ones we had in Maine. You dad and I were so young and Walter only a toddler who was born in the DC area at Bethesda Naval Hospital. We had our first tiny television set there. . There was no TV yet in Maine but the house we rented had an attic of really good books. Our landlord kept us supplied with free lobsters and wonderful haddock. Your father became a Mason there. It was a happy time for us. It helps to remember the good things. Keep well. Love and hugs, Mom

[DonDavis]

Thanks Gents.

One thing I forgot to mention, I left his place on June 8th. He had all the plans set for when he passed. No funeral, no service, no fuss. Wanted to pass at home, and he did. Wanted to go straight to the funeral home for cremation, then back home asap. And that's how it went. Passed on Sunday, back home Wednesday.

So, we had the truck all packed up, just milling about the house, chit chatting, crying, hugging.
We knew it was the last time we'd see each other.

Then we noticed the Belmont Stakes was about to start. Dad has 18 or so Quarter Horses ( and 20 Alpaca ). I can stay and watch the race. We were pulling for Justify...and for the old guy on his back, Mike Smith. Dad said "Smith is a solid man, does things the right way. It'd be great to see a Triple Crown before..."
He stopped mid sentence. I didn't look over, kept my eyes on the tv.

The race was fantastic. Such a cherished memory for me. We clapped, hooted, shook hands, hugged and watched the replay a few times. Enjoyed the interviews, some more tears.

It was the damnedest thing, peace was upon us both. He kept telling what road signs I'd see where. Told me to stay in Paragould, Ar ( I did ).

Then as I drove out, he was walking alongside with his phone taking pictures/video.
And it starting raining about 2 minutes later. It was beautiful.

I love that guy.

[tabs]

A rock solid guy is gone.

[shadowjack1]

Thanks for sharing a great story.

[herr_oberst]

Whew, those are some good stories. I can't imagine leaving this mortal coil in any better way.
Thanks for sharing, Don.

(did someone dim the lights in this room?)

[masraum]

My condolences, Don. I understand.

[Major Dad]

Lost my Mam in 2010 and Dad two weeks later. They’d been married 58 years. Glad to read your post and wish you our Irish Prayer, May he be seated at the right hand of God. And another, may he be in Heaven an hour before the Devil knows he’s dead.

[DonDavis]

Originally Posted by herr_oberst

Whew, those are some good stories. I can't imagine leaving this mortal coil in any better way.
Thanks for sharing, Don.

(did someone dim the lights in this room?)

^^^Right?!

Originally Posted by Major Dad

Lost my Mam in 2010 and Dad two weeks later. They’d been married 58 years. Glad to read your post and wish you our Irish Prayer, May he be seated at the right hand of God. And another, may he be in Heaven an hour before the Devil knows he’s dead.

Ha! Thank you.

And Baz, are you a Traveling Man like your father?

[Racerbvd]

Sorry for your loss fellow Traveler, I lost my father in 93, so he wasn't physically there when I was raised to MM, but I do have his Masonic jewelry, and my Grandfather was also a Mason, Scottish & Shriner, as I am, and have his jewelry & other import things that only a fellow brother would understand. Gods Speed to him.

[LeeH]

Sorry Don. Knowing they'll be gone soon doesn't make it any easier when they go. I'm sure he'd appreciate such a great tribute.

[DonDavis]

Originally Posted by Racerbvd

Sorry for your loss fellow Traveler...Gods Speed to him.

Thank you Byron, I hope we meet someday.

Originally Posted by LeeH

Sorry Don. Knowing they'll be gone soon doesn't make it any easier when they go. I'm sure he'd appreciate such a great tribute.

Thank you Lee. This was my first time experiencing a passing with so much notice.
We were able to talk, text, visit, hug....all of it, with clear minds, loving conversation and admiration. I've made plenty of mistakes, and looking back now I can so clearly see my missteps, how and why they happened, and see his intent on guiding me with only positive motives for me. I was just eat up with my own thoughts and direction.

Like herr_oberst said, can't imagine a more "at peace" manner.

And for that, I'm eternally grateful.