Things that make us cry, things that hurt us, wound us. They never go away, they become scars on our souls. And one day you wake up and say, I have a scar and move on. Scars never leave us, they are soft reminders of hard experiences.

Something is wrong if someone doesn't talk to you for 15 years and you don't know why. He was the one with a problem and likely looking for an excuse at the time. No fault of yours, for sure.

Carry on. He was dear to you but after 15 years? I'd play it out just being nice and let the chips fall where they may. If you don't end up going to the funeral (sounds like that's the plan for now), then that was the best for all — maybe not you. This is not the right time for closure on that subject with him.

As for the scotch, it might help, it might just be putting it off. If you're gonna cry, just go and godamn cry. Then feel better about the whole thing. If you can. I didn't say feel good. Better.

Good luck and I too am sorry for the loss of life. I can sense there's others that are facing a tough situation. All you can do is be supportive and help if and when you can. Maybe donate to a cause that you know he would have appreciated. And don't make a big deal about that. And maybe that's not a good idea, IDK, none of us do.

I avoid funerals but I think I'd at least stand at the back and be inconspicuous. If you feel someone is uncomfortable, slip away. No one will ever be able to say you didn't come, you didn't care.

This.

You need to get out of the house, sober of course, and take a nice long drive to anywhere. Do it asap, top down, windows down, no heat if you live up north. Get that feeling of LIVING. You can't change what he thought about you, only you can change yourself now for the better. After the drive, come back and kiss your honey, your kids, etc and say tomorrow is a new day.

You got emotionally blackmailed. Don't buy into it.
I am still sorry for your loss.




There is no problem in the world that drinking won't make worse.

If you hold your heart out to someone and they drop it, you need to put it back in your chest where it belongs.

What on earth can you say that after 15 years he still wouldn’t forgive you?
Sounds like it was his choice to keep the grudge going.
He could at least let you know what it was you said.

I understand your pain, but you tried to make it right, there is nothing more you could have done.
Not to be disrespectful, but he treated you poorly for the last fifteen tears, not the other way round.

Don’t have any real advice other than chin up, you sound like a decent guy, and careful with the booze man, that don’t help.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve as everyone is different . Having said that I doubt alcohol is the answer . You need to clear your head and mentally get back to a better place . As others have stated go for a drive or a walk and just chill . Remember all the good times and forget about the bad as there is NOTHING you can do about the past . I agree to reach out to your sister but ONLY to support her in her time of need .......... this death is not about you . Tell your sister you want to be at the funeral to support her and others and to pay your last respects . If that means sitting in the back row so be it . I have a feeling if you don't go you will regret it for the rest of your life , I'm basing that on your current mental state and the comments you have made . In my opinion opening up here on this forum is a first step in your healing process . Hang in there .