We have a couple of ladies come to clean our house every two weeks. Just the tedious stuff, mop floors, vacuum, and dust everything. Before they arrive, the Mrs. collects all the trash in trash cans in the house and brings them to the kitchen trash can, and makes me empty it "so the cleaning ladies don't have to" WTF???

They are paid to do that stuff, but I have to do it for them.

I fully understand straightening up my office desk and putting stuff up so they can clean the desktop, and vacuum in here, that makes sense. But empty the trash? what next clean the toilet so they don't have to?

Daughter, Mom and GF in a car.....GPS is running. Four different directions given to get the the hospital

STFU, th English gal on the GPS gets the nod.

3 outta 4 got pissy. We got there on time.....screw 'em.

Maybe that'll be the next hot thing. We can still call them hearing aids, but instead of amplifying sounds, they are actually super duper noise cancelling. So when you turn it up, you hear less and less of what's going on around you.

My wife is the poster girl for "don't text and drive!!!"

I get off work at 5:00, by 5:15 I am on the freeway and get home around 6:00.

Guess when she texts me?

5:01
5:04
5:12
5:15
5:20
5:23
5:28
5:35
5:39
5:40
5:41
5:50
6:01

Oh wait that's my life

It used to be "nothing" but they never believe that, so the solution is to tell them what you're actually thinking.

"I was looking at that _____ that we just passed and wondering if it will _____ or if it has enough power to _____."

"I was thinking about the _____ and wondering if I _____ the _____ if the _____ would then be able to ______."

"I was thinking about pizza/donuts/Chinese food."

She's waiting for you to switch it out.

This solves the paper in or out mystery :D

Why does she buy that?

Recently she was getting ready to go grocery shopping, something she enjoys and doesn't like me to do.
She asked if I wanted anything special, I mentioned that I had a hankering for a chicken pot pie to put in my lunch for work.

She brought home …………………………………… chicken pot pie hot pockets.
Hot pockets? OK maybe the pepperoni pizza ones or ham and cheese ones, but CPP?
Just the thought of trying one scares me.

https://youtu.be/N-i9GXbptog


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

LOL fluuuush pocketttttt.

Eight years ex-wife. Told her I was paying to get my apartment organized and "warm" looking by a lady I knew.

Sent her a pic of the master bedroom all spiffed up.

"Are you sleeping with her?"

Well, are you? Ronnie was asking too.

Kinda working on it. Lady is nice to me and oh, so doable.

She has five older kids though and she is super mom/grandma. Priorities.

I like it, though. I like it a lot.

If the time comes, I will hit it like Dale hit the wall.

Have you thought this out Bob?

.....not sure it's worth dying for...'cause we don't have pics....but it's yer call man ;)

Maybe you need to wear a HANS device with her !

Good lord. Reading this makes me so glad I'm single.

real question is why have any but absolutely necessary communication with an ex??????

in my case she is dead to me and that is the way I want it.

you're both in the same room.

silence for 5-8-10-15 minutes.



you get up to leave the room or house.........and just as you're RIGHT in a doorway, The Door is open, you're halfway out. ....both feet clear.......Door is closing...........suddenly..........3 questions from her shouted out.........

TOP 30 THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR A WIFE SAY:


1. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.

2. The new girl in my office is a real beauty, and a stripper too, I invited her over for dinner on Friday.

3. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.

4. Bar food again! Kick ass.

5. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.

6. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.

7. Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.

8. I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want'em?

9. It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.

10. Honey, come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare ass.

11. My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.

12. I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.

13. Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and beer.

14. You are so much smarter than my father.

15. If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch football.

16. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?

17. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.

18. You're so sexy when you're hung over.

19. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.

20. Let's subscribe to Hustler.

21. I'll be out painting the house.

22. I love it when you ride your Harley, I just wish you had more time to ride.

23. Honey, our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!

24. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.

25. Your mother is way better than mine.

26. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself something.

27. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire.

28. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.

29. Look! My ass is fatter than yours! 30. Let's get rid of my friends and keep all of yours.

30. Let's get rid of my friends and keep all yours.

Actually, mine has said 21, 24 & 25. :)

Best
Les

My keys are gone.
Impossible; I always drop them in the exact same place every time.
I haven't lost my keys since I was sixteen years old,
yet,
They are gone??


"I couldn't find mine, and I was late, so I grabbed yours".

Now how do I get to work!?!?

Does anybody else have one that puts things in random places,
And then -looks- for them when needed?

Rather than just putting it where it goes...

Yep, you pretty much covered the perfect woman !

Yes my friend, you are not alone...

Someone needs to work on their drywall skills.

Where’s a handyman when you need them!

Ahh yes the old "hand troweled" look. Can you believe people pay extra for that around here?

Anyone's wife love to place extremely fragile antique objects right on the edge of tables and shelves so if you brush up against them they crash to the floor?

Driving home from a road trip... we pass three supermarkets on the way... we get a block from the house "we need milk"

I have since learned to ask her as we are getting off the freeway "do we need anything at the market?"

Or howbout putting stuff on the other side of the door so it gets knocked over when you open it.

One pet peeve about my bride of 40 years is whatever she is working on in the house , whether it be house cleaning or thinning out toys for the grandchildren or whatever it ALWAYS has to be stacked in the area you walk ! Right off the bat stuff will be stacked by a door , a door leading outside or to the basement . How do you expect me to move the stuff either to the car ( outside ) or into the basement ? :( After closing off the door with stuff more is added in the hallway leading to the door :mad:

I think I stopped asking/complaining about 10 years ago :D it just wasn't sinking in :rolleyes: . Now I just know anytime we do spring cleaning , get ready for relatives to arrive , she's in the mood to change the decor , she wants to move around the furniture or anything similar I will just have to deal with every exit path being clogged ! SmileWavy

Ok I’m officially confused now.

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1553658718.jpg

She's doing it just to fk with you now. Probably found this thread. You're gonna be sleeping on the couch for a month.

God forbid you run out. Better to have a backup. Get a little holder for the spare roll, and this problem will solve itself.

Which one are you supposed to use??! :confused:

both hands

Do not use good one that is for company.

You realize, of course, the above statement can be used to start a whole new topic...

Every gf I've had complains about my Ducati being in the kitchen, I have a lot of ex's.