A Great Obituary

[dafischer]

This guy sounds like someone I would like to have known.

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/iowa-mans-family-warns-god-arrival-viral-obituary-good-luck-020427216.html

From the article:


Tim was born to William (Bill) Schrandt and Mary (Schrandt) Manning on June 11,1955 – 100 years too late. Given Tim’s demeanor he would have been the perfect weathered cowboy in the old west or rough and tough pioneer, or maybe he just should have been Amish.
Tim worked at Camcar/Stanley Black and Decker in Decorah as a tool and die maker for 30 plus years. Tim worked with many friends and “a bunch of morons”. His words, not ours. Well not exactly his, words because that would have included a bunch of swear words.
Tim leaves behind a hell of a lot of stuff that his family doesn’t know what to do with. So, if you are looking for a Virgin Mary in a bathtub shrine (you Catholics know what we’re talking about) you should wait the appropriate amount of time and get in touch with them. Tomorrow would be fine.
A common line in obituaries is “He never met a stranger”, in Tim’s case he never met a rule he couldn’t break, a boundary he couldn’t push, a line he couldn’t cross and a story he couldn’t stretch. Another common obituary phrase is “He’d give the shirt off his back”, well Tim was prepared to do that, and he could do it quickly, because he always wore his shirts unbuttoned ¾ the way down. Tim was anything but common!
We are considering establishing a Go-Fund-Me account for G. Heileman Brewing Co., the brewers of Old Style beer, as we anticipate they are about to experience significant hardship as a result of the loss of Tim”s business. Keep them in your thoughts.
Tim led a good life and had a peaceful death – but the transition was a *****. And for the record, he did not lose his battle with cancer. When he died, the cancer died, so technically it was a tie! He was ready to meet his Maker, we’re just not sure “The Maker” is ready to meet Tim. Good luck God!

[Noah930]

Ha! I read that and thought either he would have been a great guy to have around, or possibly a miserable guy to have around. Great writing, though.

[Jims5543]

https://b.thechive.com/yEkwru9aHV

from theChive.com

Saw it on the Chive last week, they seemed to have a more complete version of it.

Like the part of him taking on the Nuns at catholic school.

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk

[pavulon]

I could see the best part about that guy being his obit.

[LWJ]

Do yourself a favor and read the whole obit. It's good. A character for certain.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by LWJ

Do yourself a favor and read the whole obit. It's good. A character for certain.

It is indeed:

Tim Schrandt, age 63, of Spillville, IA died on Friday, March 29, 2019 at Gundersen Health System in LaCrosse, WI after a short battle with cancer.

A funeral service will be held at 11:00 a.m., Thursday, April 4, 2019 at the St. Wenceslaus Catholic Church in Spillville with Deacon Pat Malanaphy presiding, burial will be in the church cemetery with full military rites.

Visitation will be from 3:00 – 7:00 p.m. on Wednesday, April 3, 2019 at the St. Wenceslaus Catholic Church in Spillville and also after 10:00 a.m. at the Church on Thursday morning.

Tim Schrandt (Lynyrd) made his last inappropriate comment on March 29, 2019. If you are wondering if you may have ever met him, you didn't -because you WOULD remember. For those of you that did meet him, we apologize, as we're sure he probably offended you. He was world renowned for not holding back and telling it like it is.

Tim was born to William (Bill) Schrandt and Mary (Schrandt) Manning on June 11,1955 - 100 years too late. Given Tim's demeanor he would have been the perfect weathered cowboy in the old west or rough and tough pioneer, or maybe he just should have been Amish.

Tim was the 4th of 8 kids, the bottom rung of the top tier (the big kids). Instead of taking his place on that rung, listening to the older kids and doing as he was told by his older siblings, he decided to anoint himself "king" of the 4 little kids. Tim spent his childhood and early adulthood ordering them around and in general, tormenting them. He was a great orator, (not like Shakespear, but more like Yogi Berra), as he always had something to say,
and always had to get in the last word.

His position as "king" and orator was challenged by the nuns at St. Wenceslaus school in Spillville. He may have met his match. We’re not saying the nuns won, but they put up a good fight, we mean literally - he got into a fist-a-cuff with a nun. In fairness, she probably started it. You didn't take a swing at Tim and not expect one back. Tim's fondness for authority (his own - not others) followed him to South Winneshiek High School in Calmar and later into the Army. This provided for many interesting episodes and stories, detentions and demotions, and a few "run ins" with the law, not just locally, but globally.

Tim worked at Camcar/Stanley Black and Decker in Decorah as a tool and die maker for 30 plus years. Tim worked with many friends and “a bunch of morons”. His words, not ours. Well not exactly his, words because that would have included a bunch of swear words.

Tim leaves behind a hell of a lot of stuff that his family doesn't know what to do with. So, if you are looking for a Virgin Mary in a bathtub shrine (you Catholics know what we’re talking about) you should wait the appropriate amount of time and get in touch with them.

Tomorrow would be fine.

In addition to his stuff he leaves behind two great boys who he was extremely proud of, Cody (Jenny) Schrandt and Josh (Lydia) Schrandt were the product of his marriage to Crystal Hilmer. He will be missed by his two granddaughters that he adored and taught to cuss, Peyton and MacKenna. Also left to keep the stories alive (but damn, there won"t be any new material) are his mother Mary Manning and siblings Mike (Rita Dixon) Schrandt, Marty (Clint) Berg, Becky Schrandt-Miles, Bill (Grease) Schrandt, Pam (Rick) Barnes, Peter (Sandra) Schrandt and many nieces, nephews and cousins that wanted to hang out near him, because you just knew he was going to say or do something good. It’s not that he was such a great storyteller, it’s that he WAS the story!

To his siblings amazement he was actually able to snag a good woman, Cheryl Murray, and hold on to her for the past 13 years, and as far as we know restraints were not used. Tim also created great memories and stories for Cheryl’s kids Alex (Christina) Murray and Samantha (Evan) Luedking and grandkids Tatum and Grace.

He will be having a reunion with his infant daughter Ashley, his brother Duke, his dad Bill Schrandt, many aunts and uncles and a handful of cousins that passed before him. Tim was in charge of getting the beer and ice for our family reunions, so they will be happy to see him.


A common line in obituaries is “He never met a stranger”, in Tim’s case he never met a rule he couldn’t break, a boundary he couldn’t push, a line he couldn’t cross and a story he couldn’t stretch. Another common obituary phrase is “He’d give the shirt off his back”, well Tim was prepared to do that, and he could do it quickly, because he always wore his shirts
unbuttoned ¾ the way down. Tim was anything but common!

Despite his crusty exterior, cutting remarks and stubbornness, there is actual evidence that he was a loving, giving and caring person. That evidence is the deep sorrow and pain in our hearts that his family feels from his passing.

Tim led a good life and had a peaceful death - but the transition was a *****. And for the record, he did not lose his battle with cancer. When he died, the cancer died, so technically it was a tie! He was ready to meet his Maker, we're just not sure "The Maker" is ready to meet Tim.

Good luck God!

We are considering establishing a Go-Fund-Me account for G. Heileman Brewing Co., the brewers of Old Style beer, as we anticipate they are about to experience significant hardship as a result of the loss of Tim"s business. Keep them in your thoughts.

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by pavulon

I could see the best part about that guy being his obit.

Originally Posted by LWJ

Do yourself a favor and read the whole obit. It's good. A character for certain.

A character for sure, but the writing tells the story the writer wants you to believe, simple as that. He/she was generous.

[speeder]

Yeah, sounds like he might have been just a nasty drunk SOB. But everyone has someone who will miss them when they are gone, right?

I just want one of those tombstones that says, "I told you I was sick..." w a pair of boots sticking up out of the ground.

[Danimal16]

My Grand Dad was a tough old SOB. Illiterate, but not ignorant. A bit prideful and very short on the complements with his kids (My Dad and his 4 brothers), he was wonderful with his daughters. His biggest fault, and he admitted this with much difficulty in his last years that he had a hell of a time saying he was sorry.

When I was on a survey team in California, he really go all excited. It changed our relationship, and for years I did not know why. He went from this kinda cantankerous old man to this never ending well of incredible knowledge. He knew the back country, could farm until nearly the day he died and I found out that he was a lumberjack in Northern Wisconsin back before WWI. He became a pretty good dairy farmer, suffered through his alcholism (quit in 1948 after nearly being killed in a car accident), and died in his bed in his home ( a former switchman's house on the Central Wisconsin Railroad built during the Civil War) and is still talked about all these decades later.

Found out that Grandpa, Gus, hung out with the surveyors on the logging crews whenever he could. They taught him a lot about math and maps and the land, and were also responsible for teaching him how to read (a little) and write (equally little). He told me that he admired them, never forgot them and that it had to be our secret.

I miss that old man.

[daepp]

Sounds to me like a guy who'll be missed - and a guy I'd like to have known!

[legion]

My grandfather, the one that I knew, is still a towering figure in my mind. He was head of security at the Sears Tower the entire time Sears actually owned it. President Reagan put him on a anti-terrorism task force, as Reagan was strangely concerned with Muslim terrorists trying to take down tall buildings in the US. He was Irish, my grandmother was German. They bickered like an old married couple. They kind of reminded me of the parents on "Everybody Loves Raymond", but while my Grandmother and Grandfather traded barbs, there were lines they would NEVER cross (like directing any ill will at each other) and you could feel the love beneath the sparring. You'd often find my grandparents sitting quietly on the back porch, holding hands and watching the sunset, after a particularly spirited back and forth. He was a strong man, but he drew his strength from his deep relationship with my grandmother. When my grandmother succumbed to cancer in 2007, his demeanor changed. You could tell he was done. He missed my grandmother desperately. He yearned for joining her. I think he hoped for cancer and when he think he had it he kept it to himself. He was able to join my grandmother two years later. I imagine he wanted nothing more than to be with her.

My other grandfather I barely knew. I don't remember him, but I gather I was around 3 the last time I saw him when he attacked my father (his son) in the visiting room of the federal penitentiary in Lincoln, IL. He was in prison for murdering my grandmother. My grandmother decided to divorce him for sleeping around. He was unemployed. She supported him. He spent his time getting drunk, beating his children, beating his wife, and chasing women. I'm pretty sure he was bipolar as my father and sister are. He decided to murder his wife before the divorce was final, I imagine rage fueled by equal parts alcoholism and bipolar disorder. His legacy is that there is a law in Illinois that you cannot claim the assets of a spouse if you murder them. He died of cancer in prison. As far as I know, there was no funeral.

[Jims5543]

Originally Posted by daepp

Sounds to me like a guy who'll be missed - and a guy I'd like to have known!

That is how I read it too. A guy I would want to buy an Old Style Beer and swap stories with.

[schwarz633]

G. Heileman Brewing Company ceased to exist in 1996 ..... just saying.

[tabs]

His MOTHER outlived him!

How tough could the guy have been when a frail old lady outlasts him?

[Mike Andrew]

Have seen several great obits over the years which described people as they were, usually characters, and not as their survivors wished they were. I find it refreshing and humorous. Most obits are straight from some funeral director handbook used in mortician school and fail to capture much, if any, personality of the person.
One of my favorites, began with, "If you are reading this, you will not be seeing me again". The rest was equally iconoclastic. I have stolen and paraphrased it in my own obit, ready when it is needed. Hopefully, not soon.

[sammyg2]

It would have been better if he was a hand-wringing PC ninny who wouldn't say crap if he had a mouth-full!

[speeder]

Originally Posted by sammyg2

It would have been better if he was a hand-wringing PC ninny who wouldn't say crap if he had a mouth-full!

There is a wide range of human behavior in between "PC ninny" and drunken, redneck idiot, Sammy. But I guess such distinctions are wasted on you.

[rockfan4]

I can definitely say I never met him. He didn't live that far away and died in a hospital here.

Originally Posted by schwarz633

G. Heileman Brewing Company ceased to exist in 1996 ..... just saying.

True. The Old Style brand is owned by Pabst, which owns no breweries*, they contract with other breweries to make their brands. Right now, the brewery that make Old Style is... City Brewery, La Crosse Wisconsin.

* Pabst Milwaukee Brewery is a brewpub in an old church that makes a few craft beers