Its hard to fire someone, or remove someone from your life .

[fastfredracing]

I don't like the way it makes me feel. Id never make a good boss.
Just had to lay it on the line with a lifelong friend, and while I am at it, we have a deadbeat who has been leaching off my partner and our rental biz for a while now .
I'm trying to clean out my closet as I foray into middle age . Life is short, and I've worked too hard to get here.
I'm trying to muster up the cahoneys to tell him time to move on.
I was all psyched up to do it last nite, but when the time came, I choked.
I will do it, just gotta look for the right time . and place .
There were other people around at the moment, and I just thought, not the right time .
How do you get rid of people you don't want in your life?
Let them down gently with some nice words, and a little well thought out speech, or just wait till you can't take it anymore and tell them to pound it?
Im sort of like a pressure cooker. I don't like uncomfortable confrontations, so I usually just stew, and avoid the inevitable, till I get mad, and then I let it all hang out .

[DerkPerk]

I’ve recently treaded this messy water with a old friend of 20+ years. It isn’t easy to say the least. We have grown apart in our lives, beliefs, location and truthfully, I don’t enjoy spending my valuable time together when he is in town.

Haven’t really come to full closure on this yet as I also am pretty non confrontational. We had a small chat after Christmas about how I’m feeling and left it there with him wanting to figure it out. Honestly I’m ready to move on...

Best of luck to both of us I guess.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[herr_oberst]

You may be surprised, maybe both of you are looking for a way out of the relationship.

Good luck Fred! As Barney Miller famously said; "Compassion! Who needs it?!"

[GH85Carrera]

Yea, firing someone is hard. I have done it a few time in my working career.

My long ago boss did it fairly often. It is sometime easy if they are just a useless employee. It is really hard when they are nice an likeable, and really need the job. The few flaming aholes are easy to fire.

[rwest]

I had a friend who was a people user; I helped him out on two moves, countless home improvement projects and shop stuff.

When it came time to reroof my house, I asked him for help long in advance and he promised to help; gave him reminders as the time was getting close, then when it came down to the work, he didn’t answer my calls or call back. I get almost finished and I needed to get the old shingles picked up so the dumpster could go away. I called him- no answer; left a message “ if you don’t show up tomorrow to help, we’re done.”

Months go by and he calls to apologize and wants to be friends again- then proceeds to ask if he can bring some wood over so I can cut it up on my saw for him. Not a chance!

Cut your loses.

[fastfredracing]

[QUOTE=rwest;10453870]I had a friend who was a people user;

People users . That is the perfect description for both of them.
I think they always latch on to nice guys who have something to offer, and see how far they can get .

[Baz]

Reminds me of some stuff I went through - and am still going through......

You can do it, Fred. Just remain courteous and professional about it. Be creative if need be too. It's a process, as you know.

No more freebies or bending over backwards....that's it......

[Cajundaddy]

As an employer I have had to do this a lot over 40 years. I recently spun off part of my business and a few employees are going with the new owner as well. No matter how pissed off I am at these guys at the time, I believe in treating them with dignity and always cut strings in private. I also keep it as objective as possible and never let it become a personal attack. It's not "them" but the fact they were late to work 1 hr every day, stole property from a customer, rolled one of my trucks while out joyriding after work, failed the drug test etc.

I make it really clear that we are done, sorry things didn't work out, and wish them the best moving forward. The same goes for lifelong friends who regularly abuse the relationship. Life is too short to surround yourself with flakes.

[Jims5543]

I recently fired a guy before his 90 day trial period was up. I was kind of nervous after as he did not take the firing well at all, he ended up parking in his truck in front of my office for 30 minutes after I let him go. I am not going to lie, I was keeping an eye out front and hoped he was not going to emerge from the truck with a gun in his hand.

He was not cut out for this work, he really took it personally. My firing was very professional and stern and accompanied a dismissal letter outlining why I chose to not employ him long term. It was not like I pointed in his face and yelled, your fired!

Firing friends? Done that a few times too, one I remember well was almost 15 years ago now, he was spreading rumors around I was boinking my secretary. I honestly think he was projecting his own fantasies on me, my secretary was cute but not pretty enough to napalm my marriage for. Some friend though, who needs an enemy with friends like that?

It was easy to cut his ass off, I told him off and never saw him again.

[VincentVega]

I'm sure we've all struggled with it at least a few times. I have a few friends that come and go. One guy I've known since school, love the guy. But sometimes... I just need a break. Then we'll get together and have a great time. He has a family now so we dont see much of each other, sometimes I'm not sure if thats good or bad. I've learned to say I'm busy or cant make an event when I dont want to instead of being the guy to lend the truck, fix the car or whatever.

[dad911]

First employee I had to fire was difficult. Others made it easy**. By far the hardest thing i had to do was lay off good employees (i'll keep it out of parf) when conditions made downsizing more profitable.

** wrecking a truck, stealing, caught in bar drinking lunch, doing side work on our time & materials, and sleeping with a customer.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by dad911

First employee I had to fire was difficult....

....wrecking a truck, stealing, caught in bar drinking lunch, doing side work on our time & materials, and sleeping with a customer.

You sure do give guy a lot of strikes

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

I usually just stew, and avoid the inevitable, till I get mad, and then I let it all hang out .

I'm just like you Fred. I make excuses for the miscreant, come up with reasons why unacceptable conduct can be overlooked, and bend over backwards to avoid confrontation. But when I've hit my limit, I'm over the top in their face angry. Part of my anger is that their behavior made me act like this.
It's not a good way to be. MrsWD was in HR for a long time. She has taught me a lot about dealing with people. I'm better, but I still don't like it.

[Baz]

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

I'm just like you Fred. I make excuses for the miscreant, come up with reasons why unacceptable conduct can be overlooked, and bend over backwards to avoid confrontation. But when I've hit my limit, I'm over the top in their face angry. Part of my anger is that their behavior made me act like this.
It's not a good way to be. MrsWD was in HR for a long time. She has taught me a lot about dealing with people. I'm better, but I still don't like it.

Good post, Patrick.

Life is about the journey - not the destination.

We are all on the same journey.

Deep breaths, my friend. Fill those lungs with fresh air. It will help keep the heart pure and the mind free.

[Clint Lando]

I like me
see ya

[Rick Lee]

I got fired from a job I'd been at for 12 years. I'd had the same boss the whole time and he and I were close friends. His new boss made him fire me and then fired him a few months later. We're still good friends and laugh about all that BS now.

My latest job loss was a total surprise, gut punch. My German boss, who I really thought was a lifelong friend, had a panic attack during the call with HR. He knew a week or two before that he was going to have to let me go, but I'd had no warning at all, no idea at all, thought all was well and I moved mountains to get a huge deal closed by the end of the day on 12/31/2018, thinking that was going to make a big dent in our (planned) red ink for the year. While working on the deal on Xmas Eve and Day, my boss was very slow to respond to my texts and emails, asking for help, pricing concessions, contract language changes, etc., almost like he didn't want me to close it. I took an "ask forgiveness, not permission" attitude and got it done. Expecting a congrats text or email after New Year's, the next communication from him was, "Can you please be available for a call with HR and myself at 7am on Monday?" And after all that was done, never another word from him, though I still talk with other former co-workers there all the time.

[freeform911]

You get one chance with me..
Never had a lot of friends, as i learned at a young age they're the first to screw ya.
If i feel like you're a taker i cut you out of my life..i have more then enough to worry about day to day, i don't need to be worrying about a taker..

[speeder]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

I don't like the way it makes me feel. Id never make a good boss.
Just had to lay it on the line with a lifelong friend, and while I am at it, we have a deadbeat who has been leaching off my partner and our rental biz for a while now .
I'm trying to clean out my closet as I foray into middle age . Life is short, and I've worked too hard to get here.
I'm trying to muster up the cahoneys to tell him time to move on.
I was all psyched up to do it last nite, but when the time came, I choked.
I will do it, just gotta look for the right time . and place .
There were other people around at the moment, and I just thought, not the right time .
How do you get rid of people you don't want in your life?
Let them down gently with some nice words, and a little well thought out speech, or just wait till you can't take it anymore and tell them to pound it?
Im sort of like a pressure cooker. I don't like uncomfortable confrontations, so I usually just stew, and avoid the inevitable, till I get mad, and then I let it all hang out .

Watch any season of "Mad Men", they cut people off like cancerous limbs. All w a smile. I just watched season 7 again, (unbelievably good when they are in the office), it's brutal.

[ckelly78z]

I am usually pretty cool, and will take alot of abuse, but when i'm tired/irritated, and then somebody leans on that last nerve, I sometimes let them have it with both barrels, in a barrage of creative cursing. They learn real quick to just walk away, I can make up with them later, if I choose.

[rfuerst911sc]

I once worked for a guy that fired a coworker on Christmas Eve over the phone ! Guy was married with kids you really couldn't wait until after Christmas to fire him ?