It's hell around here
 

I started to write this earlier in the week but didn’t get to post it – let’s just say some things came up:

The night before last MrsWD stopped smoking.

By morning she had come to the realization that I am the spawn of satan and the dogs are my evil minions. By mid-morning our wicked cabal was joined by the furniture, the refrigerator, the TV, and the front door - all conspiring to make her life miserable because they are in the way, are too noisy, or just annoy her by their very existence.
That first day there was a lot of “Yes, of course dear,” from me as I kept my head down and tried to deflect her rage away from the dogs and the furniture. I confessed my responsibility for just about every evil in the world from stink bugs (they’re bad again this year) to the high price of hair coloring.
To make matters worse, she woke up on day two with a toothache. I suggested that her teeth may hurt from grinding them together as a reaction to not smoking. I learned very quickly that I am no damn dentist and she is doing just fine with her damn smoking program, thank you very much. She called her angel of a friend to take her to the real damn dentist because, of course, I would probably run the car head-on into a semi and then drive it over a cliff while the dogs laughed just to piss her off.
While the dogs and I were at home plotting our next evil scheme to destroy her life (actually, pooping in the back yard – the dogs not me), the real damn dentist was telling her her tooth was really bad and she needed a root canal. She should have listen to my diagnosis, but as she said I’m no damn dentist.
She arrived home four hours later in even more of a foul mood. It seems her angel friend and the real damn dentist have joined our evil cabal and our plots against her, along with every driver on the road and, well, pretty much the entirety of Western Civilization.
I haven’t slept in bed with her for two nights now because she thinks I breathe too much. It keeps her awake.
I’m sure things will get better as her new non-smoking self makes peace with furniture and mammals that breathe – right? Please - right?

I shouldn't laugh but I did, out loud and a lot :D

Thanks for posting and please add me to MrsWD's list of things to hate if it helps take a bit of heat off you and the dogs ;)

Well... It is you fault. The tooth 'n all. And the b***** dogs playing up.

I'm sure it's worth it. Right??????

Is medicinal MJ legal in Ohio? She needs a hit. ;)

I was gonna suggest edibles, but she can't even do that!

Wow! What a situation!! I've neve heard of anything that bad when somebody quits (tries to?) smoking. Maybe a trip to a doc might be in order, if you can negotiate something like that with her. Maybe a powerful tranquilizer might help.

Clearly you suck and everything you do is wrong, and everything you think is wrong. You have my sympathy.


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/rant

Tabacco is evil. Good luck. Maybe get her some patches?

This too shall pass.

She needs a little levity. Let her read this thread.

See?

I suggested you should have hired somebody to clean the green. Because there ain't no pleasin' Sticky Buns, anyhow.

Have her call me so I can suggest acupuncture... don't you suggest it! My oldest brother smoked more than two packs a day and quit cold turkey after acupuncture and a followup. He went in skeptical and said his urge to smoke was gone after the first session. It worked 100% for him but not for his girlfriend who had it done by the same person at the same time.
BTW, Nicotine is some kind of powerful! Stuff will mess with your head when you quit. I was trying to quit another habit that has nicotine and was getting almost dizzy and had slight headaches. From a person who has quit and started and quit again only to start again, I can tell you the first week and a half is hardest part. Get past the withdrawal and it's pretty smooth sailing... but getting past the withdrawal is pretty damn hard.

Nicotine is one bad mutha but it's more than that...it's a habit. Withdrawing from the addiction is huge, but altering the behavior is essential too.

Did she smoke after a meal? Then she needs to be distracted by something else after eating.

Smoke with a cup of coffee? Or eat a snack with a smoke? Gotta break that association. T'ain't easy.

Sorry to hear this. Hope she can kick the smoking though. If it's any consolation my wife acts like that with me and she doesn't smoke.

Buy her a tin of Copenhagen..... ;)

Just remember.
In the best of times there are two ways to argue with a woman,
neither one works.

My instincts say
Stay close enough so you can assist if needed.
Far enough away that she has to hunt for you to start the conversation with "And another thing!"

Sounds like time for an extended solo tour of the National Park system. I hear the leaves are turning in Maine and New Hampshire now.

https://www.newscentermaine.com/article/news/local/morning-report/peak-fall-foliage-this-weekend-in-the-mountains-maine-nh/97-085fea89-87d6-48c7-bc4d-ef365cf00032

No, she's the love of my life. I need to stick by her. I knew she was going to go through a rough time and I resolved to be zen about it. Be there, but not be there. None of this is about me. She'll get through this better if I just go with it and be around when she needs me.